Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

[Becc91]

So my DS (20) came home for christmas from bristol uni with a "special" christmas present. Had me open it in front of everyone... only to find a positive pregnancy test 😱!
Turns out his new GF of 6 months, who he met online (discard?) , is an international student from Korea, studying "innovation" 🙄. I want so badly to be happy for him, but just feel he's far too young to be having a child with someone who'll be leaving the country come september.

I've always wanted to be a grandma, but not at 38!!
This, plus the fact she's 26 and we haven't even met makes me SO worried for my DS... but I'm fuming that he thought it was appropriate to give this as a present and make me open it in front of everyone.

DS now isn't speaking to me after I told him in no uncertain terms that the three of them couldn't move in when their degrees are finished- which he had the nerve to suggest over Christmas Dinner?! AIBU?

YANBU - I’d be worried on so many levels.

I'm not judging anything. I think their future should be in Korea where their child will have better opportunities.

I do know that most MNetters won't like the idea, but the economic power has shifted. Europe is in decline.

I still love being European. I want to live here, I like the food and the scenery, and the casual acceptance that we are all mostly equal.

Nasty and unnecessary response

I think giving it as a gift is a thoughtless ambush designed to make you feel bad about not being elated.

Also, someone peed on it.

... but I'm fuming that he thought it was appropriate to give this as a present and make me open it in front of everyone.

I suspect he told you this way because he predicted you'd be mad so wanted other people around to make it safer. Or he thought you'd be happy for him. Either way it's sad. You've pushed him away when he needs your support the most!

It isn't true of course, because Italy has no minimum wage. Which makes the UK far too expensive for manufacturing anything.

Nasty? I didn’t write any insults I wrote a fact. Mathematically that’s why it’s possible to be a grandma so young.

Of course it is if she wants to go home with the baby

I think you are being very hypocritical, given your own age when you had him

So neither adult took precautions?

In 2025?

Are you not criticising OP for having a baby at 18?

Not quite as simple as that given that the Korean girlfriend has no right to live and work in the UK so will be relying on OP’s son for sponsorship, which requires him to be earning £29,000 a year (not an easy feat for any young person but likely to be much harder without a degree). He’s 20, so probably at least 1-2 years into his degree - it would be very short-sighted to prioritise a minimum wage, no prospects job now over the possibility of a better-paid, career-type job upon graduation.

I think it's ok for parents to want different things for their dc than their own choices.

Learning from things doesn't make you hypocritical.

Just ignore any of the comments about you being pregnant at 18 - none of us know your circumstances and it's not hypocritical to be upset that your 20 year old university student son announces his girlfriend of just six months is pregnant. The fact that you have never met her just adds to the shock.

The way your son told you was incredibly immature and shows he was too embarrassed/scared to tell you directly in private - that suggests to me that it was news to him too and that he's not yet ready to be a father but he will need to step up.

His girlfriend is six years older than him (I would consider that a lot at 20) and from another continent, so there is a possibility that she got pregnant in order to remain in the country.

Regardless, she is now expecting your grandchild so the best approach is to welcome her into your family once the initial shock subsides.

I get quite cross about benefit threads, I pay several thousands of pounds in tax every single year, from the pension that I saved and invested in, that has never had tax advantages. Because I was self employed. I did pay for my pension ,Every. Single. Fucking. Year.

No I’m just saying if she thinks 38 is too young, you can objectively see the reason why and how. It’s obvious to an outsider but perhaps OP should consider that and it would help with the shock of being a grandma at 38.

It’s only possible because she had a baby young (which is fine) but to be shocked at it making you a young grandma… well it’s just facts isn’t it. If she had a baby at 25 then it would push back the grandma age and if she had a baby at 30 the grandma age would likely be even older and so forth

All those saying how did your parents react when you were pregnant at 17/18 …. The circumstances may be totally deferent, they may have been together longer than 6 months , they most probably didn’t meet online, they might not have all moved in with. her family? Totally different situation possibly? OP I have sons slightly older than yours and I’d be upset if one of them declared his having a baby with a woman I’d never met who he’d only known a few months. And I definitely wouldn’t be happy about them all living under my roof. Yep, judge me! I’ve always supported my kids, and I still would, but I wouldn’t have to be thrilled about it, and it’s natural
to be concerned.

I am fairly certain that I am on a different thread to most here. So good night.

Well that's good. We manufacture too much these days.

Obviously!
She may well want to return home to live in Korea with the baby and it’s a long way away! 🙄

According to Google Ai South Korea is slowly changing regarding mothers outside of wedlock though some social stigma and a why don’t you give it up for adoption it’s not as terrible as it once was including some financial and housing support.

“ The government provides some support (residential housing, financial aid) and has plans to strengthen livelihood stability, but challenges remain. “

I suppose they cannot afford to be too harsh given the declining birth rate.

so may not be as terrible as some imagine if she did go back. Though that brings ops son a whole layer of his child being in another country but that’s always a risk when having a baby with a foreign national

I would imagine OP was in shock initially and didn’t react the way she may have done with hindsight. My dd announced during a meal out that she was pregnant with her boyfriend of six months. I admittedly reacted with disappointment - it comes as a huge shock when just announced out of no-where. Afterwards, when everything sinks in, the support comes into play. But my dd was 26, and I think I would have been very worried if my ds at 20 announced he was going to be a father so early into a relationship. His entire life and future is going to change. It’s sad, because this is the age he should be carefree, enjoying life being with his peers, perhaps travelling, but now his immediate future is going to be that he has to get a job pretty quick - and one that pays enough for him to support his child. He’s going to have to be responsible for a big commitment at such a young age. It’s not something most of us would want for our 20 year olds. And even more worrying is the way he announced it - lack of maturity.

You never know OP, she might move back to South Korea and then the baby won't be a problem for you or your son.

You're such a hypocrite, maybe your son could have used a condom?