to be pissed off that my MIL is annoyed that my 15mo can talk?

[Spottedmirror]

My 15mo is becoming a chatty little thing. Lots of new words by the day and happily starting to sing the odd word on a song “quick, quick, quick” in Polly had a Dolly or “inkle!” in Twinkle Twinkle, that kind of thing.

LO is our PFB after over a decade of trying so we are VERY proud, but I’m very careful not to be too overbearing (I know how wearing that is on other people) whilst still remaining encouraging. Lots of “yes that’s right shoes” when she points at shoes and whatever else - surely just normal parenting?
(and if anything I think I consciously keep my voice down when parenting outside our home because I’m always so aware that I might hurt someone who wants a baby but isn’t where we are now).

SIL is coming back from Australia for an extended stay. We have yet to meet her little one who is 3 (due to being mid-miscarriage when they were last here). Her 3yo is a very active and happy child by all accounts but as yet doesn’t speak.

MIL is very annoyed that my LO can speak and is picking things up rapidly. Each time we FaceTime she is outright annoyed that my child is chatting away with us.
She sighs, rolls her eyes and says things like “she doesn’t stop talking!” and makes snide remarks like “maybe Mummy talks too much!” or “mummy should turn your pram round so you two aren’t always chatting!”

On Boxing Day via FaceTime she hinted that when we visit her house and DIL is there, we should try not to encourage our child to talk.
She was insinuating that our 15 month old was showing off.

I understand that BIL and DIL are possibly concerned about potential issues but that shouldn’t be taken out on our small child.

I was a bit shocked last night by the hints on the phone call and I was working last night so I’ve stewed over it a bit.
Surely I’m not unreasonable feel pissed off by this?

EDIT: should add if I wasn’t out the door to work as the call was happening, I’d have probably told her to repeat what she had said.

That’s disgusting! She should be pleased you have a bright little baby

You read some crazy stuff on here but this might win an award 🙄 no just ignore MIL and you seem very thoughtful and lovely.

I think you have 2 choices. 1. You protect yourself (and DC) by withdrawing from this woman. BUT she is a very close relative and that will have a long-term potentially permanent impact on everyone. 2. You engage with her, unpack what is going on and help her understand how hurtful this is. The risk is that she flies off the handle. The reward if successful, would be better family rels all round.

Children develop at different times. My 4 (now adult) GCs all talked at different times, and all talk perfectly now.

Not sure why your MIL is getting stressed about it.

I wouldn't go anywhere near the horrible woman.

She can be annoyed as much as she wants I hate mothers in law like this she is being mean coz her daughters kid isn’t talking yet at the age am at now I would confront her the minute she says something snidy and I wouldn’t care if she gets upset when I was younger I let many things slide but not anymore be proud of him and praise his talking so much INFRONT of her let he be jelous and pisst she should feel the same about both kids , oh I would have so much fun pissing her off I feel so strongly about this coz my mother in law used to compare between the grandkids I wish I was brave enough to put her in her place , but be sensitive to the sister in law the kid might have issues it’s not their fault her mother is being petty do it when she says something when they are not there .

Remind MIL that Albert Einstein was a late talker. Job done.

Apparently he wasent, and if i had a pound for every time I heard this when my non verbal teen was small I would be very rich it isn't helpful.

Meant to quote @qwertyalldaylong .

How did it go today OP?

Your MIL sounds unhinged.

It’s lovely to have an early talker because looking after them becomes more fun.

In my experience of seeing friends DC growing up alongside my own, the ones who didn’t really talk until toddler age are all fine now.

Life develops differently for every child. You certainly can't and it would be wrong to stop a child chatting away. It's maybe best to find neutral ground to meet at and let the kids play together

Three is very late to speak ,it would be a concern amongst health professionals.

There's no evidence to back this up. It has just become a huge urban legend.

If it were true, it doesn't mean all children who are non verbal will grow up to speak or be academic so it is never really a consolation when people say this to parents or caregivers of non speaking autistic children.

Your MIL is bonkers

She sounds absolutely bonkers! Wtaf - telling you to turn the pram around and not talk to your own toddler?!

I’m no sort of health professional, but just going by what I’ve seen.

@Spottedmirror is your nephew being raised bilingual at all? Sometimes they don’t speak in either language for ages and then suddenly click in both.

My ex husband was half Egyptian- his DF was Egyptian, his DM British. He spent time in both countries as a young baby/child, and was slow to speak because he was learning 2 languages. Sounds like your DN is learning 3, so no wonder he's not speaking yet. Hopefully that is the reason for the delay.

There’s a whole suitcase of issues to unpack there; I suspect one sibling is favoured over another

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. We have twins, one of whom is diagnosed autistic and was non-verbal till around four. She is now acquiring language in an amazing, wacky gestalt way. The other twin was talking before he stood (genuinely, hip displasia) and was reading confidently when he went into reception.

They are both delightful and lovely and we are proud of punch of both of them, but I would have been sad and angry if anyone implicitly or otherwise ever suggested my daughter was one jot less special than her twin based on her being non-verbal. She's magnificent.

Strange mil ..both mine chatted way at that age , is it unusual then?

I don't think this is quite true. Einstein himself joked about being a late speaker - although admittedly not as late as urban legend suggests.

I'd stop doing anything for this woman.

She may be worried about her other grandchild's lack of speech, but the way to deal with it isn't to complain about her other grandchild talking too much and trying to discourage her from talking.

She sounds pretty mean and I wouldn't want to spend any time with her.

YANBU but be prepared for your SIL perhaps being sensitive on this. My sisters child is 3 and doesn't talk yet, and she is so ultra sensitive about it, from a place of worry and anxiety, but I can tell she actively disliked it when my younger son chatted away or was very sensitive to it at the very least. I could never send a video of him talking to her as I knew she wouldn't like it, and we couldn't even say "oh he's a nightmare atm his sleep is bad" or she'd snap back and say at least he's talking, etc.

I find it an understandable trait in one way but when the shoe was on the other foot and my husband and i were grappling with infertility and ivf, she had no qualms about talking about how quickly she got pregnant, sending scans and all sorts etc. I didn't mind at all and relished being an aunty, as I can celebrate other people's wins even when I don't have mine yet. But now it's the other way around and its a very touchy subject. Again all from worry and wanted their chikd to be okay, but it doesn't mean your little one should be curtailed from speaking naturally in front of your SIL.

Yes and she's probably worried about her DD and how she feels. It is a worry when they miss milestones although lots of late talkers catch up.