to be pissed off that my MIL is annoyed that my 15mo can talk?

[Spottedmirror]

My 15mo is becoming a chatty little thing. Lots of new words by the day and happily starting to sing the odd word on a song “quick, quick, quick” in Polly had a Dolly or “inkle!” in Twinkle Twinkle, that kind of thing.

LO is our PFB after over a decade of trying so we are VERY proud, but I’m very careful not to be too overbearing (I know how wearing that is on other people) whilst still remaining encouraging. Lots of “yes that’s right shoes” when she points at shoes and whatever else - surely just normal parenting?
(and if anything I think I consciously keep my voice down when parenting outside our home because I’m always so aware that I might hurt someone who wants a baby but isn’t where we are now).

SIL is coming back from Australia for an extended stay. We have yet to meet her little one who is 3 (due to being mid-miscarriage when they were last here). Her 3yo is a very active and happy child by all accounts but as yet doesn’t speak.

MIL is very annoyed that my LO can speak and is picking things up rapidly. Each time we FaceTime she is outright annoyed that my child is chatting away with us.
She sighs, rolls her eyes and says things like “she doesn’t stop talking!” and makes snide remarks like “maybe Mummy talks too much!” or “mummy should turn your pram round so you two aren’t always chatting!”

On Boxing Day via FaceTime she hinted that when we visit her house and DIL is there, we should try not to encourage our child to talk.
She was insinuating that our 15 month old was showing off.

I understand that BIL and DIL are possibly concerned about potential issues but that shouldn’t be taken out on our small child.

I was a bit shocked last night by the hints on the phone call and I was working last night so I’ve stewed over it a bit.
Surely I’m not unreasonable feel pissed off by this?

EDIT: should add if I wasn’t out the door to work as the call was happening, I’d have probably told her to repeat what she had said.

Hi op,

yeah she is defo not very nice but probably trying to “control” the tons of hurt going in your SIL way the second she is around your child.

If she feels so strongly about it, I might find it easier not to come in the same time than SIL…if grandma insists on having everyone at once then I guess that your child will be shining and most likely encourage your nephew to say words! Children can model
more easily from other children.

My MIL is like that. The sun shines out of her DDs kids bums but her DS's kids are just meh! We tell her about our kids achievements and she cuts us off with her "real" grandkids achievements. Cuts me to the bone that my kids are not half as Important. Yours is being an absolute CUNextTuesday!

My niece didn’t walk until she was 3. She is a final year student at Cambridge university and what a little mover sand shaker she is!! Your little Niece could be a late bloomer!
tell mother in law to calm down it can still happen!

This sounds familiar! My MIL also seems to be annoyed that my DD is advanced for her age (this is her school telling us this, not me making it up). My own mother also seems to be annoyed, I think it's likely because some of my nieces and nephews have struggled. We do not show off about our DD, but neither do we lie about her - if GPs ask how she's doing, we're going to say so.

Your child’s development with speech sounds normal. A 3 year old who does not speak would warrant some investigation. I’m sure your MIL and SIL are concerned about this. Your baby’s “overtaking” on a developmental milestone highlights this sensitive issue. It’s not rocket science, is it?

Maybe cut them some slack as it’s a stressful situation.

Your MIL is bonkers - and I say that as the mother of two girls, one of whom was singing songs at 15 months, and the other didn't utter a word till she was 3, just as she was about to be referred to speech therapy by her pre-school. They now are teenagers and equally vocal, worse luck - it sound like a chicken coop when they both get going!

I hope it went OK OP. Its very sad to read a Grandmother trying to cut down her GC who is only little (as is your DN).

Sadly, this is the way. I'm half way around the world and being held us as the sainted one. Absence does make the heart grow fonder AND familiarity does breed contempt....or similar. My poor brother and sister in-law can't compete! 😔

I’m sure you’ll be sensitive on the visit and not announce “ look how well my child speaks " .. you don’t need you MIL to police you . All kids are different and there will undoubtedly be lots to praise in the other child . Apart from the visit , you MIL sounds bratty to complain your child talks to much ! I’ve never heard such nonsense . Well done on having a PFB .. I’m sure your SIL will feel her child is perfect too !

What is a PFB?

Can I just say, that as someone with a child with severe GDD who doesn’t speak at all, I LOVE hearing their cousin of the same age chatting and singing away.

My child being delayed doesn’t mean children around them should be toned down or having to hide to abilities! I hope your visit goes well 🥰

@Spottedmirror how did the visit go?

I think I would have tried to understand that MIL comments were just trying to forewarn you that this is a sensitive issue. I mean clearly she's bonkers saying the other things about you talking to much to DD but about this particular thing, she obviously doesn't want her daughter/GD upset.
I remember when my slower-to-speak son was 3, he was pointing at a toy elephant next to a monkey but saying nothing, and a friend was saying which do you want? And I put in to say, the elephant, because he can't say elephant but he can say monkey (well, 'ooh ooh' by which I knew he meant monkey!) and she was genuinely bewildered: what do you mean he can't say elephant? Her own 3yo was completely fluent and articulate by 18m so the concept that a 3yo wasn't yet able to say every single English word was utterly alien. That made me feel pretty rubbish, actually. I'm sure you wouldn't make any similar comment as you are highly sensitive of the need for tact hence posting this.

I’d prepare yourself for a future of your child being adversely compared to your DN. You need to think what you’re going to do about it so she’s not affected by it. It seems that if some parents have favoured their daughters over their sons, they also prefer that set of GC. It’s unfathomable to me but I’ve seen it happen.

i have a DS and a DD. DD is the youngest and only 18 months older than my SIL’s eldest DD. SIL has always been fine but MIL always favoured her girls over my DD. DS is the only boy so he was special in his own right but it became clear that whatever DD did (and she has achieved very well, particularly academically) was always going to be played down by MIL and much made of my DNs.

On one occasion when the girls were very little they were on the climbing frame and my DD managed to climb to the top for the first time ever. She called out ‘Look Grandma, I did it!’ MIL ignored her, so she called out again and MIL just turned to SIL and said ‘Ah look at S (her DD) she’s doing so well with her climbing!’. It was as if she couldn’t bring herself to praise my DD if DN wasn’t getting praise for the same thing. We made a few changes after that!

I wouldn’t stress too much about not drawing attention to your DD’s talking. It’s normal at that age to mirror back what they say and over emphasise new words, it’s part of helping them to learn. Your MIL is bonkers to be jealous of your DD on your DN’s behalf!

My mum has a saying when she hears of people being jealous of other children’s achievements. She says ‘Well they should be ashamed of themselves because it means they’re not proud enough of their own children. I’m not interested in what other people’s children can or can’t do because I’m too busy being proud of my own children.’ It has stood her in good stead with her DC and her DHC. She genuinely thinks all her 4 GC are the cleverest and loveliest young people in the world! And they adore her for it.

You describe your sisters child as being very active

I was told that children develop either walking or talking. It is rare for a 9 month old to be walking but that is usually at the expense of the ability to talk.

Ds could hold his bottle at 6 weeks old. He walked at 9 months
By 10 months old he was running and climbing everywhere to the point that I removed all the curtains because he was climbing them
At 3 years old I could understand what he said but no one else could. He was 4years old before he was able to make himself understood

Equally friends dc talked very early could read by 2.5 but didn’t walk till they were nearly 2.

Not sure if anyone has mentioned this, but homes where multiple languages are spoken can cause delayed speech in children, because they are learning multiple languages not just 1.

Yes, I mentioned this upthread. Our DGS with a mum who spoke to him in Portuguese, whereas everyone else used English, seemed a bit slower to speak than our DSs and other DGCs, but once he got going he streaked ahead and is perfectly bilingual, and very chatty. This initial delay is apparently very common.
OP’s nephew has three languages to cope with.

Precious first born.

@Spottedmirror

I’m late to the party. How did it go?

Also just wanted to say, your daughter is awesome! Well done to hubby for the therapy, and stepping up to protect his daughter from his nasty mum.

(It’s very common for children from multi language environments to be late speakers, nephew will be fine. Well, he’s still got the sister as a mum… 🤷‍♀️)

EDITED: Ahh I see a few others have mentioned the language delay thing. Indeed - 3! 😳

In all honesty , you sound like you’re being thoughtful and sensitive around the fact that your SILs small child isn’t talking yet .
I have experienced a relative who was sneery , insensitive and laughed at the fact my youngest disabled child didn’t have much of a vocabulary at all at age 3.
Ignore MIL and keep quietly encouraging your own child

Oh absolutely!
I hadn’t read that part , the child in question needs to process 3 !!! Languages so absolutely they will take time to learn

I get she’s worried about her other GC but she is being completely irrational.

Is she usually this way ?

MIL is Batsh*t. How does she think the little one is showing off? When my Grandchild was leaning new words I was the show off & told anyone who'd listen how clever they were. I still 'show off' about them even now 4 years later & encourage them in all they do & I'm immensely proud of them everyday.

How does a 15 month old now enough about life to 'show off'. To her they are just words. Copy and paste this to the witch of a MIL.

Got this from my friend ChatGPT 😉
At 15 months, a child usually does not “show off” in the adult sense, but they can display early behaviors that look like showing off.
Here’s how to think about it developmentally:
What a 15-month-old can do

• Seek attention: They may repeat an action (clapping, dancing, making a sound) if it gets a laugh or praise.
• Enjoy reactions: They often notice when adults smile, clap, or say “good job!” and may do the behavior again.
• Social awareness is emerging: They’re beginning to understand that their actions affect other people.

What they can’t really do yet

• No intentional self-presentation: True “showing off” requires understanding how others see you and deliberately trying to impress them—this develops later (around 3–5 years).
• No ego or pride in the adult sense: At this age, repetition is driven by curiosity and reinforcement, not self-image.

So what’s really happening? If a 15-month-old repeats a cute or impressive behavior:

• They’re likely thinking: “That was fun” or “That made you happy”
• Not: “Look how impressive I am”

When “showing off” actually appears

• Around 2–3 years: Children may say “Watch me!” and wait for attention.
• Preschool age: True showing off, comparison with others, and intentional performance become clearer.

Bottom line A 15-month-old isn’t showing off on purpose—but they are learning that they can delight others, which is an important and healthy step in social development.

How did it go, @Spottedmirror ?