to be pissed off that my MIL is annoyed that my 15mo can talk?

[Spottedmirror]

My 15mo is becoming a chatty little thing. Lots of new words by the day and happily starting to sing the odd word on a song “quick, quick, quick” in Polly had a Dolly or “inkle!” in Twinkle Twinkle, that kind of thing.

LO is our PFB after over a decade of trying so we are VERY proud, but I’m very careful not to be too overbearing (I know how wearing that is on other people) whilst still remaining encouraging. Lots of “yes that’s right shoes” when she points at shoes and whatever else - surely just normal parenting?
(and if anything I think I consciously keep my voice down when parenting outside our home because I’m always so aware that I might hurt someone who wants a baby but isn’t where we are now).

SIL is coming back from Australia for an extended stay. We have yet to meet her little one who is 3 (due to being mid-miscarriage when they were last here). Her 3yo is a very active and happy child by all accounts but as yet doesn’t speak.

MIL is very annoyed that my LO can speak and is picking things up rapidly. Each time we FaceTime she is outright annoyed that my child is chatting away with us.
She sighs, rolls her eyes and says things like “she doesn’t stop talking!” and makes snide remarks like “maybe Mummy talks too much!” or “mummy should turn your pram round so you two aren’t always chatting!”

On Boxing Day via FaceTime she hinted that when we visit her house and DIL is there, we should try not to encourage our child to talk.
She was insinuating that our 15 month old was showing off.

I understand that BIL and DIL are possibly concerned about potential issues but that shouldn’t be taken out on our small child.

I was a bit shocked last night by the hints on the phone call and I was working last night so I’ve stewed over it a bit.
Surely I’m not unreasonable feel pissed off by this?

EDIT: should add if I wasn’t out the door to work as the call was happening, I’d have probably told her to repeat what she had said.

Sorry if I've missed someone else saying this, but a good reason for your nephew to now be taking yet is because he's in a multilingual household. I believe there's lots of evidence about children being late talkers in that situation (my son did a degree in language science and I remember him talking about that).

Just ignore MIL's comments!

MIL is batshit!

I'd make remarks back like 'big song for a big girl' I'd also stop FaceTiming her. What's the need? & definitely not before DD is in bed! If she can't be appreciative & encouraging then she misses out. Tough.

As for SIL, if DH wants to meet his nephew then seeing his sister is just part of the deal isn't it?? But 'meeting' his 3 year old nephew isn't really that big a deal. Unless he & his sister regularly FaceTime afterwards, his nephew won't remember him. Plenty
of time when he's older.

Has SIL said anything about seeing your DD when she's here? Is it just taken for granted or is she not bothered?

do many unknowns?!

BUT you do not do anything that discourages DD from talking.

& if you do see them you act as sensitively around their child as you can, but you don't allow anyone ti dismiss or put DD down.

At 3.5 he might just start talking very fluently in several languages, one of them might excel academically or sportingly... they're going to be very different people & it's not a competition.

She’s worried and over-protective of her other Grandchild, who isn’t talking at 3 years old. She’s going about it the wrong way but that doesn’t make her comments ok.
people will start worrying about autism when a 3 yo doesn’t talk, and other tests (eg hearing) indicate there is no problem with the ears.

Bloody hell 15mths isnt even that young to be becoming chatty. I'd honestly reduce contact if shes going to be negative like this if its within child's earshot. If its just within mine I'd put up with it a bit more for the relationship sake for my child but if it began impacting my child, nope

I wouldn’t think that saying “inkle” and pointing at shoes is particularly chatty for a 15 month old, and I don’t know what all the waffle was about keeping your parenting quiet when you’re out with your child.

Either way just completely ignore your mother in law. People have all sorts of mad shit to say to you when you have a child. Time to grow a very thick skin about it.

This seems really unfair, I get they have concerns over DN but that has absolutely nothing to do with your DD. Families see this all the time, there was 15 months between DS1 and DN and they were about the same speech wise. It was a bit embarrassing but so be it. I then had twins and there were massive gaps at various times in development. At that point I was beyond worrying too much. I think your DM is being quite childish about this.

Whether it's little delay due to various languages or a more serious issue, I can guarantee there is something DN is better at than your DD. Whether it's specific like using a spoon or catching a ball, or general behaviour like following direction or managing emotions, or instinctive stuff like toilet training or a sense of direction. There is always something. They need to see that this is so and encourage DN not be negative about it.

Enjoy your DD, she sounds delightful.

@zizza totally agree, same with bilingual. It's hardly surprising the brain is processing 3 times more than a regular single language child. If DN is understanding and responding to 3 languages that's remarkable in itself.

She does say far, far more at home but those were just sweet examples from this morning.
Today she had great fun trying to balance her fork on an upturned menu and was saying “did it!”. Lots of “take please”, “tidy up” “get down now” “doggy, sit down!” and hilariously something like “scalllllyfaaaaggggggllllus” after watching a clip from Mary Poppins.
She has been talking since 9 months and has become very chatty lately.

And as for the “waffle” people on MN generally don’t want to be drip fed so I like to give as much as possible up front, but of course there will always be additional questions. Here’s a quick “go fuck yourself” from me of course, not the baby.

We will be going tomorrow but we are going to go for lunch and not stay with MIL as planned.
DH and I have had a massive chat this afternoon and he’s going to use tomorrow to decide how he proceeds in a relationship with his family.
Neither of us will let MIL or anyone else impact our daughter and we are going to be very firm.
I think DH has known some day that this time would come and he would need to be ready. It seems therapy has given him the tools to feel equipped.

MIL’s oldest friend will be there tomorrow, she is like DH’s second mum and we haven’t seen her since our daughter was tiny as she’s been away travelling with her son. She will be the highlight of our visit.

Do as you please and cut your MIL out of your life if it’s winding you up so much. If you brush it off she’ll move on eventually. Your child “talking” since 9 months old will even out with every other child in the end and she’ll move on to something else.

You keeping your voice down when talking to your child in public is really odd. I think you (judging by your reaction to my opinion) clearly give too much of a damn about what others think of you and your child. No one other than your mad MIL gives a shit what you’re saying to your kid. At least you have the self-awareness to know you’re being PFB about it all.

Ignore this shitty, bitchy response OP. It’s very chatty for a fifteen month old! My daughter was exactly the same, a really early talker. My two boys, nowhere close as chatty at the same age.
MN brings out the worst in people, especially on threads about kids being advanced.

Apologies for the typos. Too much mulled wine!

Mil is batshit.

The reason you're seeing an increase in children with speech and language issues is due to a lack of available specialist resources and provisions, huge wait times for diagnosis which usually requires proactive and reactive support from schools and educational settings and an even longer wait time for tailored and science backed support.

It is only in the past 2 years that our local authority have even given training to their SALTs for gestalt language processing, which is how many late talking autistic people process language, instead of acquired language processing which is how most neurotypical people process language.

It is not a parenting issue.

It is a developmental issue with the way the brain stores language and then makes the muscles in the face and throat work in conjunction with that language once it is understood.

No amount of talking to your child can make them suddenly be able to speak if there is a developmental reason behind it. They will only talk once they're developmentally able to do so, and with the right tools to communicate with.

Your post is extremely ignorant and if you work with children I would expect you to understand the basics of child development enough to grasp this is nothing to do with parenting.

MIL is batshit.

She'd have hated ds1. He was a freakishly advanced talker. He was having conversations at the same age as your dd. Ds2 didn't talk for ages. That was such a worry but he spoke eventually. So I can understand your ils worry. I wouldn't be stopping your dd talking. Which you obviously aren't going to do anyway.

Yes that's right. He'll probably be bilingual at the very least once he starts.

@Spottedmirror I hope you have a lovely time with 2nd mum.

With three languages in the mix, a delay is very common.

But also your MIL is being really horrid

What an absolute bitch. Dont see her.

No my point is very straightforward.

The DH is in therapy addressing his family relationship issues. That is stated as an objective fact by the OP. So either you think the OP is a troll or you accept the facts as stated.

If your position is that perspective can affect interpretation of words - yes that is true but a specific statement such as demands to discourage a child from talking either happened or they didn’t.

So we can either respond and focus on the specifics and parts which are less subjective, or we can decide its all made up because golden child scenario doesn’t exist.
I ignore stuff I believe to be entirely made up, you are free to do the same.

Nothing, absolutely nothing the OP has written has shown any "lack of compassion" whatsoever.

3 languages in the household? Age 3 is totally normal to still be taking it all in.

good luck for the meeting, more power to his elbow, for your DH

I was thinking exactly the same.

MIL is a prick...you be happy and proud of your baby...end of discussion.

She shouldn't be judging 2 different children's development as children develop at different rates, just because your child is talking even though they are younger than their cousin, the cousin may be developmentally ahead in other areas.