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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off that my MIL is annoyed that my 15mo can talk?

274 replies

Spottedmirror · 27/12/2025 11:31

My 15mo is becoming a chatty little thing. Lots of new words by the day and happily starting to sing the odd word on a song “quick, quick, quick” in Polly had a Dolly or “inkle!” in Twinkle Twinkle, that kind of thing.

LO is our PFB after over a decade of trying so we are VERY proud, but I’m very careful not to be too overbearing (I know how wearing that is on other people) whilst still remaining encouraging. Lots of “yes that’s right shoes” when she points at shoes and whatever else - surely just normal parenting?
(and if anything I think I consciously keep my voice down when parenting outside our home because I’m always so aware that I might hurt someone who wants a baby but isn’t where we are now).

SIL is coming back from Australia for an extended stay. We have yet to meet her little one who is 3 (due to being mid-miscarriage when they were last here). Her 3yo is a very active and happy child by all accounts but as yet doesn’t speak.

MIL is very annoyed that my LO can speak and is picking things up rapidly. Each time we FaceTime she is outright annoyed that my child is chatting away with us.
She sighs, rolls her eyes and says things like “she doesn’t stop talking!” and makes snide remarks like “maybe Mummy talks too much!” or “mummy should turn your pram round so you two aren’t always chatting!”

On Boxing Day via FaceTime she hinted that when we visit her house and DIL is there, we should try not to encourage our child to talk.
She was insinuating that our 15 month old was showing off.

I understand that BIL and DIL are possibly concerned about potential issues but that shouldn’t be taken out on our small child.

I was a bit shocked last night by the hints on the phone call and I was working last night so I’ve stewed over it a bit.
Surely I’m not unreasonable feel pissed off by this?

EDIT: should add if I wasn’t out the door to work as the call was happening, I’d have probably told her to repeat what she had said.

OP posts:
Mrsclausemunchingonamincepie · 27/12/2025 11:33

Best not see mil at all then.. No visits or calls. After all you don't want her upset...
She sounds absolutely batshit...

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 27/12/2025 11:34

This is really really weird.

PomandersandRedRibbon · 27/12/2025 11:36

Interesting why would mil feel jealous of her own GC talking ?

HashtagShitShop · 27/12/2025 11:36

Lord, if anything surely most decent relatives would want the opposite to what she does and be encouraging anything the child is doing be it attempting to talk, walk with hands holding, crawl, walk unaided etc etc. To want the opposite and to insinuate a 15 month old is showing off as if they have any concept of that.... Batshit.

Personally I'd avoid being around the grumpy jealous madam as much as possible and be twice as encouraging as usual with your child whenever she is present.

x2boys · 27/12/2025 11:36

I dont think she's annoyed your child can Talk, more thats she's worried her three year old grandchild is currently non verbal and she's trying to over compensate
Thats not fair on you or your child but try not to tske it personally.

PomandersandRedRibbon · 27/12/2025 11:36

Or is it because one is her son's gc and one is her daughter's who she feels closer too

NuffSaidSam · 27/12/2025 11:37

MIL is insane. YANBU.

I'm sure your SIL is very concerned about her own child's lack of language development, you just need to be sensitive to that (but this doesn't mean trying to stop your own child from talking!).

Izzywizzy85 · 27/12/2025 11:39

Absolutely weird behaviour. They’re both her grandchildren and she can be proud of yours while being concerned re the other child. Not talking at all at 3 is seriously delayed, there’s obvious something underlying going on. She will make SIL feel worse by drawing comparisons!
YANBU.

Original poster
Spottedmirror · 27/12/2025 11:39

NuffSaidSam · 27/12/2025 11:37

MIL is insane. YANBU.

I'm sure your SIL is very concerned about her own child's lack of language development, you just need to be sensitive to that (but this doesn't mean trying to stop your own child from talking!).

I’m absolutely sensitive to it, I feel for them and I’m certainly not going to go wading in with a list of words she can say to brag about.

DIL is very much the best child EVER! Whereas we are just the people who do every thing for this woman.

OP posts:
Mrsclausemunchingonamincepie · 27/12/2025 11:40

Actually when my dc started talking and becoming more independent my dm seemed to change towards them. She was appalled I allowed them to make decisions regarding food and what they wore... She preferred people who did as they were told.... Like my childhood had been.
Haven't seen her for a long time.

EchoesOfOurDreams · 27/12/2025 11:40

I've never heard of a relative/parent etc who DOESN'T want their young DC to talk. This is absolutely batshit behaviour. I would not allow MIL to see your DC because of this as it is clear that she is absolutely unhinged.

What does your DH say about it?

Meadowfinch · 27/12/2025 11:40

Your MIL is ridiculous. If she cannot see the individual virtues in each of her dgcs, I suggest you avoid seeing her.

My ds didn't speak until he was 26 months. Not a single word, but he was walking at 7 months and climbing stairs on his own by 11 months. Every child does things in their own time. Neither is 'best' but trying to stifle them or hold them back is cruel and it won't work.

FlashingFairyLight · 27/12/2025 11:41

What's your DH said to his mum about her actually insane comments?

x2boys · 27/12/2025 11:41

My son is 15 now and severely autistic and non verbal
When he was very young it was very difficult for me to be around other children who had good language skills paticularly if they were quite a bit younger than my son
Obviously your MIL shouldn't be taking it out on yoyr child ,but it is very worrying when you hsve a late talker, wondering if they will ever gain language .

Original poster
Spottedmirror · 27/12/2025 11:42

EchoesOfOurDreams · 27/12/2025 11:40

I've never heard of a relative/parent etc who DOESN'T want their young DC to talk. This is absolutely batshit behaviour. I would not allow MIL to see your DC because of this as it is clear that she is absolutely unhinged.

What does your DH say about it?

My DH can be a wet blanket but he did phone me when I was driving last night to say it sat really uncomfortably with him and he would be speaking to her about it.

He has said he would now rather not go but I know he would like to meet his nephew.

OP posts:
Sahara123 · 27/12/2025 11:43

x2boys · 27/12/2025 11:36

I dont think she's annoyed your child can Talk, more thats she's worried her three year old grandchild is currently non verbal and she's trying to over compensate
Thats not fair on you or your child but try not to tske it personally.

Yes, I was thinking this, she’s probably worried about the 3 year old but it’s coming out wrong. 3 is quite late to not be saying anything isn’t it ?

Maray1967 · 27/12/2025 11:43

MIL is being ridiculous, but I would be sensitive to SIL’s concerns about her three year old not speaking. It sounds like you take that approach anyway so I’d carry on as you are. I would tell DH that if MIL does any eye rolling or makes any unpleasant comments suggesting your DD is showing off you expect him to speak to her- or you will, and it won’t be pretty.

mynameiscalypso · 27/12/2025 11:43

Clearly, your MIL is out of line but there is a similar age gap between my DS and my niece and my DS was a very late talker and it was hard seeing them together when they were that age as my niece would chatter away and my DS was silent. Obviously children develop at their own pace (and DS is 6 now and has completely caught up) but I did really make me feel like a failure as a parent. I wonder if your MIL is projecting that, particularly because it’s her daughter vs her DIL. It’s all bollocks any way because you can’t really shut a chatty toddler up!

NuffSaidSam · 27/12/2025 11:43

Spottedmirror · 27/12/2025 11:39

I’m absolutely sensitive to it, I feel for them and I’m certainly not going to go wading in with a list of words she can say to brag about.

DIL is very much the best child EVER! Whereas we are just the people who do every thing for this woman.

Edited
Show quote history

It's often the case with children who live overseas. Absence makes the heart grow fonder I think. It's rubbish for the child left behind doing everything and not getting any appreciation.

EchoesOfOurDreams · 27/12/2025 11:44

Spottedmirror · 27/12/2025 11:42

My DH can be a wet blanket but he did phone me when I was driving last night to say it sat really uncomfortably with him and he would be speaking to her about it.

He has said he would now rather not go but I know he would like to meet his nephew.

Show quote history

It's good that he is not trying to downplay it or make excuses I guess.

Maybe a solution would be for him to just go by himself to meet his nephew.

Meadowfinch · 27/12/2025 11:44

Spottedmirror · 27/12/2025 11:42

My DH can be a wet blanket but he did phone me when I was driving last night to say it sat really uncomfortably with him and he would be speaking to her about it.

He has said he would now rather not go but I know he would like to meet his nephew.

Show quote history

Then he can go on his own, and meet his nephew. No need to expose you or your dd to such ignorant nonsense.

x2boys · 27/12/2025 11:45

Sahara123 · 27/12/2025 11:43

Yes, I was thinking this, she’s probably worried about the 3 year old but it’s coming out wrong. 3 is quite late to not be saying anything isn’t it ?

Show quote history

Yes very late and there maybe other developmental delays.

SandyY2K · 27/12/2025 11:45

Spottedmirror · 27/12/2025 11:39

I’m absolutely sensitive to it, I feel for them and I’m certainly not going to go wading in with a list of words she can say to brag about.

DIL is very much the best child EVER! Whereas we are just the people who do every thing for this woman.

Edited
Show quote history

Step back from ungrateful people. Let her son help her out.

TheatricalLife · 27/12/2025 11:45

That's absolutely ridiculous.
If MIL is worried, she could have spoken to you about that so you were all on the same page, but being cross at the natural development of a 15 month old is bonkers. As if she has the ability to "show off" at a few months over one year old 😂.
I'd probably not bother to go to be honest. DH could still go if he wants to meet his nephew, or you could just arrange to meet SIL without MIL at some point?

MannersAreAll · 27/12/2025 11:46

He has said he would now rather not go but I know he would like to meet his nephew.

Don't let your MIL take your nephew away from you and your DH.

Obviously if nephews parents behave similarly to your MIL then reconsider future meet ups, but given the distance you should make the most of the chance to meet him.

I had to firmly tell my Aunt to stop trying to curtail her GC when they were around my DD when they were young. She meant well and was trying to make me feel better about my DD having struggles but it absolutely wasn't the right way to go about supporting me.