To have fallen out with husband

[Pitterpatter87]

We were staying at my in-laws on Christmas night. We have two young children. My in laws got up with the kids first thing and I got up at 7am. Husband slept in until 10 which is rare. When he got up he was groggy. It got on my nerves because of the extra sleep he’d had I thought he’d be in a great mood and getting stuck in with the kids. Instead he was groggy because he’s felt unwell the last few days with a heavy cold. I got annoyed with him and told him given he’s had a good lie in he should be on good form. He told me to piss off for criticising him and left the room.
It’s honestly ruined the whole day, we’ve still been arguing about it now, he’s not backing down. Said he’s fed up of being constantly criticised.
I feel totally burnt out. He’ll just never get what it’s like to juggle the kids, work, Xmas, birthdays etc etc etc. I’m so mentally worn out 😞

AIBU for being upset with how he’s behaved?

If he was just being lazy, then it would be annoying. But he's sick with a heavy cold, so surely he's allowed to feel groggy?

Was he ill though?

He’s got a cold 🤷‍♀️

Seen as you’ve said he’s been unwell the last few days, then an extra 3 hours sleep isn’t going to stop him feeling groggy. So you’re being unreasonable.

If he was on top form and had the 3 hours extra sleep and then didn’t help out with the kids then I would have voted differently.

It’s exhausting being parents - always needing a break from it! It does get easier in time, I promise!

I feel groggy & not my best with a cold though.

How’s it his fault he felt groggy? It’s often the case that if you don’t sleep late often when you do you can feel dreadful. And he’s not well! Loads of people I know including us have a lingering viral thing where you wake up feeling like crap and very heavy coldy and heavy in the head and face. You sound like you hate him. There were 4 adults to care for two children and it’s bloody Boxing Day. One having a slow start especially when they are ill is completely reasonable.

The last time I had a cold I felt quite unwell.

YABU. You should have cut him some slack.

I got annoyed with him and told him given he’s had a good lie in he should be on good form.

I'll take a wild guess here that you're not a qualified doctor?

You told him that you were annoyed that he felt unwell with a heavy cold, kept on at him all day to the extent you caused an argument, and now you are upset by HIS behaviour?

YABU.

YABU. No one can help whether they feel groggy or not after sleep.

I rarely side with people who get lie-ins over those who don't, but I will always side with someone who's sick. Ffs, give the man a chance to rest and get well. Being ill is rough at the best of times, let alone when you have a young family and it's Christmas. I'm sick at the moment and feel rubbish.

When you say he was groggy, what do you mean? Was he doing or failing to do stuff that you had an issue with? If not, and he was literally just a bit groggy, then YABU. Obviously.

After a stressful few months I announced last night that I wasn’t getting up till 10am. I actually woke up at 10:30am and felt worse than I do after my usual early morning starts. Lie ins can often make you groggier.

Posted thrice, for some reason.

Posted thrice, for some reason.

You picked Boxing Day, at your in-laws, when he’s ill, to have a rant about birthdays and work and how you’re burnt out? To say the least I think your timing was well off.

On the face of it him having a lie in while he’s unwell and there are multiple other adults capable of dealing with the kids seems very reasonable, so presumably this is the tiny tip of a big iceberg?

I'd be fucked if I was getting up at 7 and him 10 if we were at his parents

I get that it can feel infuriating if your other half gets a lie in and you don’t and then they are more tired but we often joke about that in our house - that sometimes more sleep after a period of sleepless nights makes you feel worse.

He’s ill, you have help with the kids (if the in laws got up with them why didn’t you sleep in too?), you said he rarely sleeps in - cut him some slack and honestly, don’t make it a tiredness competition, no one wins and it makes everyone miserable.

Yabu your in laws were up with kids and he took the chance for a lie in while he is ill but that means he has to wake up not groggy?? This comes over as a little controlling tbh.

Sounds like you're both just super burnt-out and stressed, from having Christmas to organise and two small children. It's bound to lead to people being grumpy and arguing! We had similar arguments a few years back, so you have my sympathies!

I think you'll just have to accept the grumpiness and try and move past any arguments as quickly as possible, because there's nothing to gain in hanging them out. It's not like the argument is over anything serious that has to be addressed. If your children are two or older, can I suggest a Gro Clock? As your post reads like your children were up a while before 7? That'll be gruelling if it's a regular thing! I was quite strict with mine about not waking mummy and daddy up until the clock went yellow with "Mr Sun". They soon got the message. If they're younger than two, it'll soon pass and they'll be big enough that you can tell them to pipe down if it's before 7am (or whenever) x

Yes this

Im sick of lazy arsed men. I have to perform whether Im sick or not. I have no choice. Id love the luxury of feeling groggy and being a fun sponge.

YABU you can't dictate that he should be in good form because you want him to be. If I'm sick or just exhausted I get so groggy from a lie in I'm like a stupid zombie shuffling around. Plus people have different energy levels, I get tired much faster than DH.

I think you are exhausted too and directing your anger at the wrong person. Support him when he is sick and when he is better organise some time off for yourself because you are both probably burnt out.

I had a cold a few weeks ago and I could barely keep my eyes open. I kept on falling asleep.

YABU #TeamHusband

Your husband has not behaved unreasonably at all. He's not well, and it can be totally normal to feel groggy after a lie in or when unwell. Just because you are burned out does not mean you should be mean to your unwell husband. Now catch yourself on, it's not up to you to dictate to your husband what "form" he should be in.