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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have fallen out with husband

125 replies

Pitterpatter87 · 26/12/2025 23:32

We were staying at my in-laws on Christmas night. We have two young children. My in laws got up with the kids first thing and I got up at 7am. Husband slept in until 10 which is rare. When he got up he was groggy. It got on my nerves because of the extra sleep he’d had I thought he’d be in a great mood and getting stuck in with the kids. Instead he was groggy because he’s felt unwell the last few days with a heavy cold. I got annoyed with him and told him given he’s had a good lie in he should be on good form. He told me to piss off for criticising him and left the room.
It’s honestly ruined the whole day, we’ve still been arguing about it now, he’s not backing down. Said he’s fed up of being constantly criticised.
I feel totally burnt out. He’ll just never get what it’s like to juggle the kids, work, Xmas, birthdays etc etc etc. I’m so mentally worn out 😞

AIBU for being upset with how he’s behaved?

OP posts:
hididdlyho · 27/12/2025 07:15

I think it's a bit crappy to tell someone who's ill they need to perk up, because they've had a couple of hours extra sleep. If he's not pulling his weight in general, then I can see why you'd be frustrated with him.

In this instance, if his parents were happy to watch the kids, I would have also taken the opportunity to have a lie in if I wanted one.

OriginalSkangCantGetInAccount · 27/12/2025 07:18

I think you were quite horrible to him tbh

DarkForces · 27/12/2025 07:20

I feel absolutely terrible with a cold. Yabu

rwalker · 27/12/2025 07:20

I think most of us need 10 minutes or so to come round
yet as soon as he appeared you were on at him and having a go tbh I think that would piss the majority of people off

XWKD · 27/12/2025 07:25

I would have told you to piss off too.

HangryBrickShark · 27/12/2025 07:25

ForZanyAquaViewer · 26/12/2025 23:56

Posted thrice, for some reason.

Edited

I love your use of the word thrice.
I am always using the word once or twice, all this generation use is one more time, two more times. Drives me mental. Constantly hear it on the TV ads " two times better". FFS! At the gym for an exercise repetition "two more times" grrr.

And...breathe.

frozendaisy · 27/12/2025 07:33

He was at his parent’s house
with his wife
and his children

he got the lie-in
he should have necked lemsip, ibuprofen, had a hot toddy, whatever and battled through

instead he acted like a spoilt child again, and decided to be pissy because he shoukd be the pampered prince with his mother and wife allowing him to check out and watch videos on his phone

yeah he’s a prat

it’s a cold on Christmas Day

we have shivered through strep throat on our child’s birthday, (all at home we didn’t infect others)
been to football hobbling in pain
you buck up when you need to
yes it’s not great
yes your body might be demanding rest
but sometimes you have to pull on out of the bag

he was well enough to be a pissy wanker - he was well enough to put on a Christmas face and at least apologise

I would be fucking fuming and I would let him and his parents know that

HomeTheatreSystem · 27/12/2025 07:41

YABU. You said it's rare for him to sleep in that late which should have told you something esp as he said he wasn't feeling well. I've had colds where I've felt fine but sounded very ill and others where I've felt like absolute shit but appear just to have nothing more than a mild sniffle. Maybe he doesn't do his fair share with the kids and a conversation needs to be had but starting it like this isn't going to take you any closer to a satisfactory outcome. Apologise, tell him you feel burnt out and frustrated and that's why you acted the way you did. Then have the chat once you're back home.

TheAmusedLimePanda · 27/12/2025 07:43

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 03:03

Oh for goodness sake. If women are with selfish men who leave them to do everything they need to give their head a fucking wobble

My mum brought up two of us on our own because both of our dad's were complete twats. But it's 2025 and married women need to do everything on their own? Really?

The OP said she's knackered with doing everything. Why is it in 2025 that women need to do the bulk of everything.

Fucking nonsense. Don't allow someone to do fuck all all year round then start crying that someone has a cold and your exhausted

I bet my mum was exhausted - but she got on with it. She had no option

I cannot understand women who do everything and then resent their husband for getting a cold

Why are so many women doormats. Why do they allow their husband to do nothing?

Show quote history

Not exactly selfish if one is full time and the other is PT/SAHM. I’m off on mat leave. I can’t exactly ask my DH. to take leave from him job because I have a cold?

paradisecircus · 27/12/2025 08:19

If he's generally lazy and doesn't pull his weight, I think he's probably got a bit of a nerve to frame you pointing that out as 'constant criticism.'
However if he's ill and groggy maybe he needed a bit of a break here, especially as there were other people around to help with your kids. If you've quoted yourself correctly, 'you should be on good form' sounds like a particularly irritating thing for a tired, unwell person to hear.

DaisyChain505 · 27/12/2025 08:21

The man is ill and not feeling his best. I’d be pissed off if I wasn’t feeling great and my partner was being arsey with me for something out of my control.

Wishimaywishimight · 27/12/2025 08:22

I'd be annoyed if I was told I 'should be in good form' if I was feeling unwell. When I have a bad cold I sleep really heavily.

He shouldn't have told you to "piss off", absolutely not but you would have irritated me too.

Babybirdmum · 27/12/2025 08:32

It’s hard with young kids. I would have been jealous of his lie in too. But given his cold maybe apologising for snapping, be honest and say it’s because you were jealous of his lie-in because you feel so burnt out at the minute. When he’s better ask if it’s your turn for a lie in. I wouldn’t think too deep about this sort of stuff- having young kids is hard on a relationship. As long as you focus on the REPAIR aspect of these fall outs they won’t turn into resentment. Make sure you communicate clearly about your needs too and don’t be a martyr where possible.

Firefly100 · 27/12/2025 08:33

I think perhaps There may be more to this. On the face of it you are unreasonable. He is sick. Of course he is groggy. On the other hand, you say this:

”I feel totally burnt out. He’ll just never get what it’s like to juggle the kids, work, Xmas, birthdays etc etc etc. I’m so mentally worn out”

It sounds like this might be the real problem and you are venting your frustration but at the wrong target.

I’d have a think about why he wouldn’t get the juggling - after all presumably he has had work, Xmas, kids etc same as you. If he is not doing his fair share then this is what you need to fix - when he is better. Sounds like a good New Year’s resolution.

OhGraciousMe · 27/12/2025 08:42

People are allowed to get sick you know. My goodness, show your husband some compassion. Be caring and loving and stop being a shrew.

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 27/12/2025 08:58

I think being told you should be on good form will annoy annoying tbh. I imagine if he’s just woken and feeling poorly he wasn’t in the mood to be told how to be! I’d be annoyed too - but then I’m not a morning person anyway!!

BlueJuniper94 · 27/12/2025 09:05

I can only speculate as there is missing detail from the OP and we can never truly know anyway. BUT, what she might be saying is that she feels ground down and buckling under the weight of demands placed on her (sounds as though he is too) but that when the OP has a cold, she doesn't get the extra time in bed or the opportunity to be grumpy and unwell. Or rather, sucks it up and puts on a facade so as not to make everybody else miserable too.

Aluna · 27/12/2025 09:07

Pitterpatter87 · 26/12/2025 23:32

We were staying at my in-laws on Christmas night. We have two young children. My in laws got up with the kids first thing and I got up at 7am. Husband slept in until 10 which is rare. When he got up he was groggy. It got on my nerves because of the extra sleep he’d had I thought he’d be in a great mood and getting stuck in with the kids. Instead he was groggy because he’s felt unwell the last few days with a heavy cold. I got annoyed with him and told him given he’s had a good lie in he should be on good form. He told me to piss off for criticising him and left the room.
It’s honestly ruined the whole day, we’ve still been arguing about it now, he’s not backing down. Said he’s fed up of being constantly criticised.
I feel totally burnt out. He’ll just never get what it’s like to juggle the kids, work, Xmas, birthdays etc etc etc. I’m so mentally worn out 😞

AIBU for being upset with how he’s behaved?

I feel totally burnt out. He’ll just never get what it’s like to juggle the kids, work, Xmas, birthdays etc etc etc. I’m so mentally worn out😞

This is what this thread is really about isn’t it? It’s not about him feeling groggy when he’s got a cold.

ThatBlackCat · 27/12/2025 09:10

He’ll just never get what it’s like to juggle the kids, work, Xmas, birthdays etc etc etc. I’m so mentally worn out

It sounds like he doesn't pull his weight regardless of a cold, and this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Would that be a fair assertion?

KnittyNell · 27/12/2025 09:24

frozendaisy · 27/12/2025 07:33

He was at his parent’s house
with his wife
and his children

he got the lie-in
he should have necked lemsip, ibuprofen, had a hot toddy, whatever and battled through

instead he acted like a spoilt child again, and decided to be pissy because he shoukd be the pampered prince with his mother and wife allowing him to check out and watch videos on his phone

yeah he’s a prat

it’s a cold on Christmas Day

we have shivered through strep throat on our child’s birthday, (all at home we didn’t infect others)
been to football hobbling in pain
you buck up when you need to
yes it’s not great
yes your body might be demanding rest
but sometimes you have to pull on out of the bag

he was well enough to be a pissy wanker - he was well enough to put on a Christmas face and at least apologise

I would be fucking fuming and I would let him and his parents know that

God you’re a joy aren’t you!

GalaxyJam · 27/12/2025 09:29

Pitterpatter87 · 26/12/2025 23:32

We were staying at my in-laws on Christmas night. We have two young children. My in laws got up with the kids first thing and I got up at 7am. Husband slept in until 10 which is rare. When he got up he was groggy. It got on my nerves because of the extra sleep he’d had I thought he’d be in a great mood and getting stuck in with the kids. Instead he was groggy because he’s felt unwell the last few days with a heavy cold. I got annoyed with him and told him given he’s had a good lie in he should be on good form. He told me to piss off for criticising him and left the room.
It’s honestly ruined the whole day, we’ve still been arguing about it now, he’s not backing down. Said he’s fed up of being constantly criticised.
I feel totally burnt out. He’ll just never get what it’s like to juggle the kids, work, Xmas, birthdays etc etc etc. I’m so mentally worn out 😞

AIBU for being upset with how he’s behaved?

AIBU for being upset with how he’s behaved?

This is weird phrasing… being ‘groggy’ isn’t a behavioural issue, it’s usually caused by tiredness or illness. So essentially, he can’t help feeling groggy.

AgnesX · 27/12/2025 09:32

Pitterpatter87 · 26/12/2025 23:43

He’s got a cold 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

We seem to be trained to thinking "it's's just a cold" when you can feel quite dreadful.

Does he have form for hamming it up when it's genuinely only a sniffle? Only the OP knows that and whether she was being truly unreasonable or not.

pictoosh · 27/12/2025 09:34

Well, he's not your employee is he?

StabbyCat · 27/12/2025 09:35

Impossible to say. I get colds very rarely but when I do I feel like death. DEATH I tell you. Genuinely I suffer more
than anyone else I know.

dottiedodah · 27/12/2025 09:38

I think YABU TBH .Hes ill with a heavy cold .I would cut him some slack .If hes normally not abusive. He feels rough and wants to rest in bed I expect.He will soon feel better and hopefully you dont catch it next!