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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have fallen out with husband

125 replies

Pitterpatter87 · 26/12/2025 23:32

We were staying at my in-laws on Christmas night. We have two young children. My in laws got up with the kids first thing and I got up at 7am. Husband slept in until 10 which is rare. When he got up he was groggy. It got on my nerves because of the extra sleep he’d had I thought he’d be in a great mood and getting stuck in with the kids. Instead he was groggy because he’s felt unwell the last few days with a heavy cold. I got annoyed with him and told him given he’s had a good lie in he should be on good form. He told me to piss off for criticising him and left the room.
It’s honestly ruined the whole day, we’ve still been arguing about it now, he’s not backing down. Said he’s fed up of being constantly criticised.
I feel totally burnt out. He’ll just never get what it’s like to juggle the kids, work, Xmas, birthdays etc etc etc. I’m so mentally worn out 😞

AIBU for being upset with how he’s behaved?

OP posts:
Truetoself · 27/12/2025 01:19

YABU - he is not well! You can feel awful with a cold and his body must have felt it needed the extra rest.

Quitelikeit · 27/12/2025 01:23

I just can’t believe you both had a lie in on Xmas day!

So the kids had to wait until he got up?!

Insane

Franjipanl8r · 27/12/2025 01:24

He’ll just never get what it’s like to juggle the kids, work, Xmas, birthdays etc etc etc. I’m so mentally worn out

Why won’t he get it? Don’t you split all the responsibilities? If not, surely that’s the main issue.

Jaywicksstead · 27/12/2025 01:25

Why couldn’t you both lie in and let the in laws help?

yabu

Gowlett · 27/12/2025 01:29

I get where you’re coming from. DH has been unwell with a cold the last two weeks. Work, then bed. I’ve made Christmas happen. As well as everything else… It’s not easy!

mmsnets · 27/12/2025 01:34

you fucked up, hes not well

CorvusNoir · 27/12/2025 01:40

Having a heavy cold is miserable. Given how widely reported the flu strain is this winter, I think it’s fair to say that the cold viruses in general are particularly nasty at the moment. Sounds like you’ve had a stressful time this Xmas but he can’t help being ill. An extra 3 hours sleep is certainly not a miracle cure.

Gremlins101 · 27/12/2025 01:44

My husband sleeps longer than me almost every day as our children are up very early but im usually happy to get up. I also give him a hard time but its mostly playful. I do occasionally get a bit mad about it though. Cut him and yourself some slack. Having young kids is tiring, and christmas can be tiring too!

Daygloboo · 27/12/2025 01:44

KissMyArt · 26/12/2025 23:50

I got annoyed with him and told him given he’s had a good lie in he should be on good form.

I'll take a wild guess here that you're not a qualified doctor?

😂😂😂

steff13 · 27/12/2025 01:53

If he doesn't do his fair share day-to-day, that's a separate issue. He's sick right now, so feeling a bit groggy is understandable, and YABU and mean. Tackle the other issues, if any, when he's better.

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 02:15

Pitterpatter87 · 26/12/2025 23:32

We were staying at my in-laws on Christmas night. We have two young children. My in laws got up with the kids first thing and I got up at 7am. Husband slept in until 10 which is rare. When he got up he was groggy. It got on my nerves because of the extra sleep he’d had I thought he’d be in a great mood and getting stuck in with the kids. Instead he was groggy because he’s felt unwell the last few days with a heavy cold. I got annoyed with him and told him given he’s had a good lie in he should be on good form. He told me to piss off for criticising him and left the room.
It’s honestly ruined the whole day, we’ve still been arguing about it now, he’s not backing down. Said he’s fed up of being constantly criticised.
I feel totally burnt out. He’ll just never get what it’s like to juggle the kids, work, Xmas, birthdays etc etc etc. I’m so mentally worn out 😞

AIBU for being upset with how he’s behaved?

Well maybe stop juggling. Why do you need to do it all. It's 2025 ffs. My mum was a single parent and she had no choice. If he needs to do more the rest of the year then tell him

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 02:17

Quitelikeit · 27/12/2025 01:23

I just can’t believe you both had a lie in on Xmas day!

So the kids had to wait until he got up?!

Insane

No. She got up at 7am and even if she hadn't it wouldn't have been the end of the world

DeathStare · 27/12/2025 02:24

You're annoyed your DH was groggy? And want an apology? For him being groggy?

Thank you for the reminder of why I'm glad I'm single

Jonnyenglish · 27/12/2025 02:26

KissMyArt · 26/12/2025 23:50

I got annoyed with him and told him given he’s had a good lie in he should be on good form.

I'll take a wild guess here that you're not a qualified doctor?

its like when the public judge politicians without studying any of the politics etc

TheAmusedLimePanda · 27/12/2025 02:52

Yes having the cold is awful and yes he should get a lie in but I can pretty
much bet that the OP doesn’t get a lie in when she has the cold? I know I just have the power through and I have two young DC, which I’m guessing is where the fight came
from today?

therealdeal9 · 27/12/2025 03:02

Is it two issues here - maybe you wanted a great Xmas Day (understandably!) and he’s seemed quite lazy/sloth-like but in reality, he’s got a cold. So it just didn’t pan out. Both of you are stressed for different reasons.

Second issue is the mental load. That may be more to unravel. If he is not helping with that, that’s a separate conversation (and soon).

I had a cold days before Xmas Day and of course as luck would have it, had it on Xmas and past it now. Couldn’t and still can’t taste a thing. Very disappointing when there was such a lovely spread for Xmas. I just pushed through it with painkillers and hoping to be better soon.

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 03:03

TheAmusedLimePanda · 27/12/2025 02:52

Yes having the cold is awful and yes he should get a lie in but I can pretty
much bet that the OP doesn’t get a lie in when she has the cold? I know I just have the power through and I have two young DC, which I’m guessing is where the fight came
from today?

Oh for goodness sake. If women are with selfish men who leave them to do everything they need to give their head a fucking wobble

My mum brought up two of us on our own because both of our dad's were complete twats. But it's 2025 and married women need to do everything on their own? Really?

The OP said she's knackered with doing everything. Why is it in 2025 that women need to do the bulk of everything.

Fucking nonsense. Don't allow someone to do fuck all all year round then start crying that someone has a cold and your exhausted

I bet my mum was exhausted - but she got on with it. She had no option

I cannot understand women who do everything and then resent their husband for getting a cold

Why are so many women doormats. Why do they allow their husband to do nothing?

Roobarbtwo · 27/12/2025 03:15

All these women who let their DH do nothing and then cry about it. This is astonishing to me. Why is it in 2025 that men get away with doing fuck all when they are married and the wife has to do everything.

My mum was born in 1949 and she did everything - because she had no other options. If someone is married and their husband is a lazy cunt and not pulling their weight - that's on you for allowing it. I have a brother who is in his 40s and he's single now but he was in a relationship for over 20 years. He pulled his weight. He didn't opt out because of his gender

And if he is that bad - leave. Don't stay and moan about how bad he is and how exhausted you are. Tell him to step up or fuck off

Copperoliverbear · 27/12/2025 03:32

You said he was sick of course he’s not going to feel himself and be groggy ect.

Zanatdy · 27/12/2025 06:19

if he’s sick, then yes cut him some slack. Starting an argument when staying with family is not fair on the hosts. If you’re not getting a regular lie in, then you need to make a change to this. Clearly your DH feels you’re constantly criticising him, are you?

NautilusLionfish · 27/12/2025 06:37

He’ll just never get what it’s like to juggle the kids, work, Xmas, birthdays etc etc etc. I’m so mentally worn out

It sounds like he doesn't do his share when well and this is the proverbial last straw? Either way, back off now as he has a valid excuse. Discuss it another time @Pitterpatter87

CocksBolingey · 27/12/2025 06:37

Quitelikeit · 27/12/2025 01:23

I just can’t believe you both had a lie in on Xmas day!

So the kids had to wait until he got up?!

Insane

They stayed there Christmas night not Christmas Eve.

Theroadt · 27/12/2025 06:52

Ohmysaintedauntfanny · 26/12/2025 23:44

Seen as you’ve said he’s been unwell the last few days, then an extra 3 hours sleep isn’t going to stop him feeling groggy. So you’re being unreasonable.

If he was on top form and had the 3 hours extra sleep and then didn’t help out with the kids then I would have voted differently.

It’s exhausting being parents - always needing a break from it! It does get easier in time, I promise!

But it sounds like she did have the option of a break, as her in-laws got ip with the kids before her?

andfinallyhereweare · 27/12/2025 06:54

I’ve a cold and I’ve been in bed since Boxing Day- my husbands just taken over everything for me in the house (kids etc) as I would if he was sick… what is underlying here that you can’t both step up for each other?

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 27/12/2025 06:58

YABU. He had a cold. Three hours sleep does not cure a cold. However if you feel you take on more than your fair share of the life burden, that is another thing entirely