Argument with my DM over baby items

[Firsttimer266]

Hi, long time lurker first time poster.

I am expecting my first baby, my DH and I are thrilled!

We live in a rented older terest house and have been here for 4 months now. Lovely area and nice if a bit quirky home. Because of where we live being great and having recently moved I do not want to consider moving again to better 'accommodate' the baby.

We can have minimal baby 'furniture' without missing any of the important bits and get creative with storage for toys get old enough to play with them...

My mum, however, is quite keen for us to move and have a house better suited to having a baby. Says we wont be able to get all the stuff we need. Mostly, she's going on about the pram/pushchair because our front door is steep steps and back door hasn't anywhere to put the pram.

I think this is something we can deal with when we get there? And not a huge deal?

Shes angry with me now and says I dont know cause I've never done it. Am I underescting that this isn't going to be an issue? Any easily folding pram recs welcome 😉

And all this ‘life with a baby is incredibly hard’. Not always or inevitably. I guess much depends on your life pre baby. I never found the baby maternity leave half as difficult as my stressful long hours job! And that was even with a baby who didn’t sleep until he was 3 years old!

Get a silver cross nia

it folds airline small with the carrycot on

When I had my eldest I didn't drive, and the buses you had to fold your pram yourself and carry it up the step onto the bus.

I bought a lightweight, folding maclaren buggy that laid flat so was suitable from birth. It also had a shoulder strap! Best pushchair ever. It was so light to carry, and so small when folded! 🙂

One of my friends only uses a baby carrier. Doesn't have a pram at all!

There isn't just one right way to have a baby. As long as they are safe and fed that's the main. Everything else is just personal preference.

My 10 month old has been in the expensive pram that my mother insisted I buy exactly two times. We just found a sling much easier - it's compact, hands-free and all-terrain. We live in a hilly place with lots of stairs and most people don't bother with prams.

You need a system with a carseat which clips into the pushchair frame and a base in the car, and goes into lie-flat mode. With lie-flat capable pushchair seat for later. (Please skip bassinet - total waste of money and additionally too fiddly in your situation.) Also get a decent baby carrier to fill the gaps.

I had newborn twins in a flat. Admittedly ground floor. You'll be fine.

(But yes, we moved asap due to space.)

In reality, I know no better than your mother. She got lots of stuff wrong, so did I, so will you. You just have to think hard and make a best guess. And confidently own your decisions. Good luck, OP!

That’s a really helpful thought isn’t it!

When DD was born I had to get steps down to the property I lived in. Stairs are doable but it's a pain in the backside.

To save space, you could get a travel system with a carrycot that is safe for overnight use and can replace a moses basket. You would have to do your research as not all pram carrycots are safe to use overnight. If you did this, you wouldn't need a moses basket, and the pram frame would also take up a lot less space once folded.

Nobody needs a Moses basket

you can just use a cot from birth
save the hassle of extra items

I had 10 steps up to my building. I think DH helped at the weekends, I often used a sling.

Someone in my family has 3 flights of stairs. Pram stays in the car.

Lots of folk have less than perfect entrances to their home but they make it work. In your place I would say that at the moment you have no plans to move. If it doesn’t work you might reconsider.

I hope that your mum accepts your opinion. Best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy.

Different things work for different people. I had a moses basket in my living room so I had somewhere to lay newborn DD during the day while I was doing housework, or she was napping. My plan was to use the cot at night. It was just as well I had the moses basket, because DD didn't like being swaddled, and she didn't like the cot and just screamed when she was in there.

In the end I put the moses basket in the cot, and she settled quite happily every night until she was a bit bigger and wanted the extra space around her.

She’s right.

If I could wind back the clock I would’ve bought a child-friendly, wipe clean, dull house with a flat garden, garage and space for indoor play.

Raising a baby and toddler in a gardenless townhouse and then a Victorian terrace with narrow hallways, a courtyard garden and no storage, was hideous and actually affected my parenting and MH.

Every time we wanted to get some fresh air we had to pack the bags up, get everyone out & walk to our car 2 roads away (v busy on street parking). Couldn’t just play in a garden. The hallway was rammed with coats, wellies, and endless bloody bikes, scooters and fuck know what. It all stank because of course it does nothing but rain in this country so was permanently damp. Wished I had a garage or proper storage to stick it all in. Just walking to get past it all annoyed me. When we have so many rainy days, you rely on home being a nice space to play and having bouncers, jumperoos and so on and there just wasn’t the room. The flow of the house was long, dark and narrow, with lots of steps and a steep set of stairs so leaving toddler DS to roam wasn’t an option. The kids fought like mad and went demented on the days we didn’t go out as they walked around the same bit of carpet or 1 bedroom (3rd was 2m by 1.7m) all day. The house was horribly cluttered and felt so poky no matter how much I decluttered and cleaned. Carpets throughout so constant bits of food, mud from pram wheels and shoes caked in all the time.

Moved to a boring, dull 4 bed with garage and flat dull garden and wipeable floors and I could cry with happiness every day that I’m not stuck in the last place.

but this is your experience

I’m 5 years into a small flat with 2 kids but I have everything on the doorstep and cycle and walk everywhere - school and nursery 5 mins away
parks nearby
pubs and supermarkets

next to a train station and a million buses going everywhere

id take this any day over a more suitable house as day to day life easier

and i just declutter regularly and am smart with storage etc

i get for some people more space is more Important

but not for me and maybe not for the op

I’m in a 4 bed detached with level entry. Pram lives in my car boot. It’s been there for 5 years.

My cousin doesn’t have a car. Her pram lives in the garden under a cover.

We didn't have a car - had a pushchair and carrier. We had steep steps up to our front door I sort of pulled pushchair up the steps backwards. No-one died or woke up. They were a bit like this. Everyone also commented I would have to get a car and I didn't. We also didn't having a changing table.... had a mat on chest of drawers or any "baby furniture" other than a cheap ikea cot. It did two kids .... Congrats on having a baby ---- everyone now gets a say in your life!