Argument with my DM over baby items

[Firsttimer266]

Hi, long time lurker first time poster.

I am expecting my first baby, my DH and I are thrilled!

We live in a rented older terest house and have been here for 4 months now. Lovely area and nice if a bit quirky home. Because of where we live being great and having recently moved I do not want to consider moving again to better 'accommodate' the baby.

We can have minimal baby 'furniture' without missing any of the important bits and get creative with storage for toys get old enough to play with them...

My mum, however, is quite keen for us to move and have a house better suited to having a baby. Says we wont be able to get all the stuff we need. Mostly, she's going on about the pram/pushchair because our front door is steep steps and back door hasn't anywhere to put the pram.

I think this is something we can deal with when we get there? And not a huge deal?

Shes angry with me now and says I dont know cause I've never done it. Am I underescting that this isn't going to be an issue? Any easily folding pram recs welcome 😉

I left mine in the car when I was living in a flat with my first. Or just carry baby in the car seat.

I couldn't have lived without my Bugaboo for at least the first 2 years, no way would I have accepted not to have a sturdy all-terrain buggy from birth, but they do fit in the car. In the car I had then, at least.

We just bought our expectant daughter a Silver Cross Reef 2 which has a bassinet which folds flat, and a seat which lies totally flat-the chassis is really lightweight and easy to fold so fits your brief

ive lived in small 2 bed flat upstairs and had 2 newborns here

I use a yoyo buggy - can fold it one handed or it’s light enough to lift with baby in it. Or I use baby carrier instead

i have a hook on the wall and buggy hangs there and takes up no space

didn’t bother with things like a Moses basket -
just got one cot that the babies both used
to near 3 and then converted it to toddler bed

didn’t use bottles so no steriliser or bottles or anything needed

went pretty minimal with clothes and just did laundry daily instead easier to manage for me.

I get rid of stuff and de clutter very regularly and we are still here nearly 5 years later zero plans to move no issues with a small flat space

I agree about the steep steps to the house, this would have driven me mad when mine were babies. I walked so much, could bring them straight in asleep and have some me time. But that doesn't mean you have to do the same thing. You might not want to do that.

I don't think it's any of your mum's business where you live or how you plan to manage prams/babies etc.

It doesn't really matter if your mum is right or not. You can't just up and move house so there's no point her going on about it and making you feel shit.

It might be from a place of worry for you with a lack of self awareness thrown in.

I had my first in Chicago where 99% of the city housing stock has stairs to the front door and obviously lots of people have babies and it just isn’t really an issue. We even had a 3rd floor walk up apartment at the time! We went for the YoYo pram which worked perfectly because it could fold flat even set up for a newborn and then it had a shoulder strap so you could be hands free to carry baby, then once inside I hung it up on the coat hooks. A good sling could also work.

Does she mean a house closer to her maybe?

We live in a 1.5 bed flat without a car. We had a yoyo pram/pushchair from birth which is wonderful. We were planning on only having 1 baby so the plan was to dispose of stuff as soon as it was outgrown, and only buy as he needed things. However, friends have given us stuff that needs growing into and he's so wonderful we're keeping things like the moses basket for a potential second, which is testing our storage! Thankfully I haven't lost the baby weight so I've thrown out most of my clothes, freeing up some cupboard space!

My babies would only go to sleep on the move in a pram/ buggy, so I tried to time their naps so that they would fall asleep and then I could wheel them straight into our hallway and get on with stuff while they slept.
However, as PP pointed out, people have babies in all kinds of different houses and flats, and they all manage. As you are renting, you can always move if it’s proving too tricky or you need move room eventually.

We had a sling and a yoyo pram which folds up super small as we live in the countryside and I didn’t see the point in a giant pram I was going to find stressful fitting in the car. It felt tiny compared to most people’s big baby prams but it’s been fantastic, haven’t regretted it for a second. Can you get one of those bin stores for out the back? The little wooden ones? Or possibly the plastic furniture boxes? Then you can fold up the pram and store it outside.

My cousin had a very small hall with her first baby and they used to keep the pram in the car outside.

We lived in a one bedroom flat until our second child was 3 months old (through choice rather than necessity). Most of the baby stuff they try to sell you is optional, and there are a lot of space saving options for those items that aren’t. The money you will save by living in a smaller place will serve you better later.

I think she’s right too. You will quickly get tired of the steps to the house with baby/pram/shopping. Then once the baby is a toddler and can literally fall headlong down or up the steps if your attention drifts for one second or they are a child that loves to wrestle free of holding your hand. You are determined to learn the hard way. That’s how it goes with adult kids at times. I think your DM is likely angry because it’s not just you it may affect, it’s also the life of a child.

It’s super easy to move when you rent like OP does.

I personally would not want to live somewhere with steep steps if I had a baby. If you go out to shop you will need to take the baby and shopping upstairs then leave the baby somewhere safe while you go back down the steps fold up the pram and carry it up the steps maybe in icy conditions. If you have somewhere on ground level you would be able to just wheel the pram in and not have to go out if baby’s sight. Also if you have a C section you may not be able to carry the pram up the steps due to pressure on scar.

If you owned it then I acknowledge it is drastic to move house because it is not baby friendly (toddlers and babies with steep unprotected steps is not a good idea) but as you rent that makes it easier to move. Your choice though so your mum does not get to throw a tantrum about it and I would stamp that entitlement out of her now. You not taking her advice and her getting annoyed strikes me she still treats you like a child.

You can buy inserts for prams so you can lift a sleeping baby out- something like this but there are lots of options - https://www.johnlewis.com/bugaboo-2-in-1-baby-nest-black/p114239393?s_ppc=2dx_mixed_fashion_BAU&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20155423421&gclid=Cj0KCQiAgbnKBhDgARIsAGCDdlcHUsJW7A6FnHHfdyg1shfmrh9TSfmzofNIqyknLKQy5eQZjz77R9gaAnkjEALw_wcB

Then you can put pram in car and carry sleeping baby up the steps and indoors.
I wouldn't be moving ( it's expensive) just for that reason

She's loops.
I had a baby and a toddler in a 200 year old house with no street access. Built into the side of a valley so to get to the street level you had to walk up or down 100 mid victorian steep stone steps.
It was fine apart from when it snowed... I had a backpack hiking carrier for the baby.
But your situation sounds much easier. You won't really struggle at all. It might take a few goes to get used to getting the pushchair up the steps but you could practice before the baby arrives.
We've got another baby now! So 3 kinds in total. We did move to a house with direct street access this time. But its still a victorian terrace with 4 stories and a quirky layout. It would never occur to me to go and live in a modern house due to the kids.
Mind you I grew up in a similar house so my parents would never have expected me to.
I think your mum is being ridiculous. You stay where you are happy. You'll easily work out how to make it work with the baby dont worry!

You’ll be able to make it work if you want to.
And if it turns out that you want to move when the baby is here & maybe needs more space as a toddler+ then that option is still available to you.

I can see her point, but I think you’ll be fine as you are as long as you’re happy with it. People manage just about anywhere.

I wouldn't have liked having steep steps with a baby to be honest. I know people say you can wear a baby carrier but my babies were all big and I'm small so I couldn't use them for long! I had a carrycot/pram and it was easy to just park them in the hallway to sleep after coming back from a walk - getting up steep stairs with a baby in a buggy sounds like a nightmare, or having to take them out and fold up a buggy 😬 maybe your mum is just trying to save you from having all that hassle? Of course, it's your choice what you do and if you're happy in your home then stay put.

We're like 20 minutes from her so doubtful but you never know I suppose

I hear this but I think it's jumping to massive conclusions...

This is an insane level of catastrophising.

I just bump the pram up/down the steps. I'm on DC3, have lived here for over 7 yrs since eldest was a newborn, it's never been an issue. I'm presuming OP's house has like 5 or less steps not a whole flight of course.

A good lightweight sturdy pram is a Nuna Triv next. Or the Joie signature is good too!

I mean you won’t be making your lives easy with that house. We have steps to our back door which is a pain but not front door. I couldn’t really imagine that. Lots of times baby asleep in pram ( have 3 dc) and I left them napping just inside the hall way.

she’s probably worried for you out of love, that you’re making your life needlessly hard