Argument with my DM over baby items

[Firsttimer266]

Hi, long time lurker first time poster.

I am expecting my first baby, my DH and I are thrilled!

We live in a rented older terest house and have been here for 4 months now. Lovely area and nice if a bit quirky home. Because of where we live being great and having recently moved I do not want to consider moving again to better 'accommodate' the baby.

We can have minimal baby 'furniture' without missing any of the important bits and get creative with storage for toys get old enough to play with them...

My mum, however, is quite keen for us to move and have a house better suited to having a baby. Says we wont be able to get all the stuff we need. Mostly, she's going on about the pram/pushchair because our front door is steep steps and back door hasn't anywhere to put the pram.

I think this is something we can deal with when we get there? And not a huge deal?

Shes angry with me now and says I dont know cause I've never done it. Am I underescting that this isn't going to be an issue? Any easily folding pram recs welcome 😉

We lived in a a terrace house with steps when we had our first... we coped fine- he's still alive so....

Moving house is expensive and stressful, and you sound happy there.

But more important to ask your mum is if she’s going to be angry with you every time you make a parenting choice she doesn’t agree with…

Another vote for the Babyzen Yoyo pram. It is expensive but it is worth every penny. It’s genuinely beautiful and a life saver for public transport and small hallways. Can’t recommend highly enough.

OP the steps will probably irritate you especially if it's raining but it will be just that- an irritation.
My house has no parking outside- I have to cross a road with a 3.5 year old and a 1 year old who can't walk. Annoying, but I get by.
My point is- you'll manage. If you love where you live, you'll make it work x

We had steep steps, and bought a combination foldable lightweight pram/pushchair (you could assemble it as either). I would lift it out first then put baby in and on return take baby in first then get the pram. It was never a problem, but I didn't use the pram for long distances really so it didn't need to be a Rolls Royce. Most trips were by car then pram/pushchair around the shops, etc.

Ignore your mum and the other bonkers posters.

My two adult DC both live in flats with steps and both have young children and they manage perfectly fine. One of my DIL’s is an NHS Consultant and I doubt she’d take unnecessary risks with her two.

DS and DiL keep their pushchair in the car. Never brought it into the house because no space and no way to get it round the back either.

Leave baby in cot/playpen/safe place in the house. Go to car, get buggy out. Pick up baby from safe place and put baby in buggy. Go for walk! It's not difficult - just some planning and organising and dare I say some common sense!

When they start to walk you teach them how to negotiate steps and stairs and you don't leave them to run out of the front door themselves. Who would do that anyway?

Congratulations by the way OP! Don't let your DM rain on your parade. Your baby - your rules!

@SummerFeverVenice

Are you really suggesting that the NHS data should be used to compel parents of babies and toddlers to live somewhere where they will never encounter any indoor or outdoor steps during the pre-school years?

The majority of posters presumably live in houses with stairs so where do they fall in terms of risk? (pun intended!)

Are you normally quite risk averse and a bit of a worrier? Sounds like you might have some kind of anxiety disorder? What does your family think?

People including me managed just fine in tiny flats, even bedsits. Tell her to mind her own business (politely she does mean well) and ignore all those long “must have” baby item lists, you really don’t need 80% of it. You may find once you have a toddler you will want to move but that’s a longways off.

For me a consideration is whether you have a drive (very unlikely in a terrace) or can guarantee parking very close to your house? Otherwise the suggestions of storing the pram in the car aren’t that practical. You’ll still have to transport baby, shopping, etc into the house by yourself.

We lived in an upstairs flat when our daughter was born, I had a section and Oh My God was it a pain in the arse... the pain going up those stairs for the first few times was awful, but thankfully didn't last long. The situation with the pram, however, was SO challenging, particularly if hubby was at work, I would have to put the pram up at the bottom of the stairs, outside was better if the weather was OK, then put my daughter in last of all before setting off. Then coming back in was child out first (I had to run upstairs and pop her in her cot so she couldn't escape anywhere, and yes we had stairgate but Ijust needed to make sure) then go and fold the pram, bring bags in etc.
That was hard enough but once she started playing etc we had no garden and so we decided to move.
Whilst it was hard it was doable, and only you can make the decision on whether it will bother you or not, but moving house can take a lot of time so the sooner you decide to move the better, if that's what you want.
Good luck and congratulations!

And yep DS never fell down the front stairs, because we never left him unattended with the front door open! Much less risk than a house with internal stairs I would have thought.

You can have a lot less and all will be fine! You get told you need this that and the other and tbh half of it is a waste of money! Enjoy your little one without all the clutter that goes with it.

Oh but i suggest good research into pushchairs, my big one was too heavy for 16 steps so quickly switched to a lie flat umbrella buggy, they don’t look all fancy but so easy to use, especially as buses had steps back then too. I then bought the double version when dd2 was born, managed 2 dc, double buggy, shopping and 16 steps until we moved when dc2 was 6 months old

Drowning is also a common cause of death - should parents also move out of houses with baths to ones with only showers? What about sinks? Children have been known to drown by falling into toilets, perhaps OP should use a commode or chamber pot instead? After all, you can’t be too careful.

Pram can go in boot of the car. I got it out to walk round locally put it back in carried baby into house if sleeping. Cary in the carry cot part whilst newborn also had a carrier and babies were mostly carried around in the car seat?
Are the local schools good are there nursery’s and playgroups and play parks how far is the doctors surgery? These would be the only reason to leave do you have a bedroom for the baby, space for a high chair (these can fold when not in use and sit against the wall. If child has a bedroom you can use it to store toys equipment, get a folding baby bath and look into storage for child’s room don’t buy the cot until baby outgrows snuze pod.

Overall your an adult starting your own family it’s not actually your mums choice where you live and nobody wants to unnecessarily move house while expecting a baby. Or have the extortionate costs involved at an already expensive time when you have loads to buy and need to cover maternity leave expenses.

OP could just get a sling? No need for a pram really in the first year or so, after which you can get a stroller that’s cheap and easy to collapse.

It does sound hard work.

Is there anywhere outside you could leave a pram/pushchair under a cover so that you wouldn't be in & out multiple times a day for example?

Lived in a second floor flat when DD was a newborn. And I didn't drive so our pram was a rather sturdy one rather than a little fold up stroller.

And... we managed fine. I would detach the carry cot and carry that upstairs (as we lived in Germany it was considered acceptable to leave the chassis in the massive area by the front door and no one would steal it). If necessary I would take a few trips with the shopping. Plus I managed the same to get to the laundry room in the cellar.

People adapt to their living circumstances.

You can always move, if the stairs cause an issue.

I had twins in a house with steep steps to both front and back and no driveway, plus the house is tiny.

The size of the house was not an issue until they turned two, suddenly none of us can move and we are desperately wanting to move. As babies the house was a perfectly fine size though, they don’t need much, we’ve outgrown now as their toys and clothes are bigger plus they use walking and standing frames and these things take up space!

The steps I will admit made my life infinitely more difficult than it needed to be, to the point I’m waiting to try for my third until we’ve moved (this year, hurray!) because I just can’t do it again!

However, it’s not really something anyone needs to be arguing over, it’s your house your baby and your choice, you can always move later if you decide it doesn’t work.

You'll manage where you are if you want to. I lived in a second floor flat (no lift) when DD1 was a baby and while I liked living there I managed absolutely fine. It only became an issue when nightmare neighbours meant I hated living there (so ended up hating the stairs as well).

Research the life out of prams. Buy a pram that works for your life - not one that's popular or that is the current "in" pram. Don't worry about off road wheels if you're likely to go off road once a year. Make sure it folds one handed if you use the bus often. Things like that. Colour, brand and look should all come after practicalities.

Stairs sound like a massive pain to me but of course it's up to you. If you end up having a csection (you honestly never know) even lifting a buggy in and out of the car can be too much for a while. I think the PPs about having a toddler are valid also. That said, people manage with far worse. It's just whether you want to manage the big hassle of moving now, or a little hassle everytime you want to leave the house alone for a couple of years! You might end up wearing baby more but is all quite hard to predict.
Maybe your mum envisages helping you but knows she won't manage the steps?
And: Congratulations:)

Have had 4 DC myself,and kind of do agree with your mum.
But it's where you live ,so like everyone else you just have to get on with what you have

It’s your business but do not underestimate the PITA of stairs and stroller and no place to store it