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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Inappropriate present, hideous bookends and me in drag!!!!

514 replies

confusedgoldilocks · 26/12/2025 14:53

I love christmas, and I love christmas presents, I got my best friend a lovely calendar showing photos that were precious to me throughout the year of all the good times we have shared, in return, and this is so strange, I got two bookends, which have obviously been handmade, but look like my face, but in a grotesque punch and judy way, I'm not sure whether they are supposed to look so scary, but they are hideous, I actually had nightmares about them last night, and on top of that, a smaller 3D figurine which is basically me looking like a drag queen in hideous blonde hair and a massive red bow, they obviously took a long time and I get that, but I wonder what they are trying to tell me, they have sent me a message asking what I think of them and I really don't know what to say, to be honest, Im quite upset they see me that way. Im just a normal person who loves christmas, I was hoping for tickets to see a christmas carol or something like that.

OP posts:
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VioletandMauve · 26/12/2025 15:59

Could this be classed as a pics or it didn’t happen kind of thing?

DahlsChickenz · 26/12/2025 16:00

OP, I don't think the two things are connected.

The meal incident is very embarrassing and no doubt a lesson learned for you, but it's a bit absurd to suggest that in consequence she has spitefully crafted deliberately ugly bookends to try and punish you for it, especially as you did offer cash and were refused. She probably also found it embarrassing and a bit annoying but wants to move on. I expect she's refusing your money because she's worried (correctly) that you can't afford it, and she'll just be cautious in future about accepting invitations from you.

Re the bookends, I expect she either isn't very good at art, or she thought you might be into them in the same way some people like those hideous Toby jugs, or Jack Vettriano sculptures.

I think you perhaps misinterpreted her enthusiasm about A Christmas Carol as a hint that you were getting tickets. Just a misunderstanding. I can't imagine you can get Old Vic tickets for less than about £50 and that doesn't sound like the level of your gift giving relationship.

I would honestly just move on from it all. Hide the bookends where you won't see them. If she's a good friend just let the rest go.

ProfessorInkling · 26/12/2025 16:00

VioletandMauve · 26/12/2025 15:59

Could this be classed as a pics or it didn’t happen kind of thing?

YES.

honeyytoast · 26/12/2025 16:00

Bookends or bookmarks? I’m desperate to see them

GRCP · 26/12/2025 16:00

How do you know they are of you though? Do they look that much like you? Maybe they got grotesque bookends as a joke they thought you’d find funny and totally misfired. We really do need pictures.

Lurkingandlearning · 26/12/2025 16:00

Would they have had time to make the book ends and doll since your mishap with all your credit cards?

It seems a lot of hard work to insult you. Is that their usual style?

And are you worried they have made another doll that they are sticking pins in?

DeedlessIndeed · 26/12/2025 16:00

confusedgoldilocks · 26/12/2025 15:55

it actually gets worse because they knew i would be at my brothers on christmas day so they asked my brother to film it on his mobile phone and send it to them when I opened them, i was horror struck as I removed the wrapper, but my family thought it was hilarious, I begged my brother not to send it but he did, and my face is a real picture, Im shocked and confused, but everyone else is laughing, and now my friend has just rang, they have it on their tv screen and everyone is laughing there as well, as they are at a family do, I've been turned into a figure of fun for someone elses amusement so no, I dont feel like paying for the meal now,

A bit convenient..?

Starting to think this is bollocks.

Either way, pay up and consider cooling off the friendship if you feel they are being mean.

Tigerbalmshark · 26/12/2025 16:00

VioletandMauve · 26/12/2025 15:59

Could this be classed as a pics or it didn’t happen kind of thing?

Definitely!

Whaleandsnail6 · 26/12/2025 16:01

confusedgoldilocks · 26/12/2025 15:57

yes but the bill for the meal I took them out for was £300 which is about the same as the tickets, although, obviously, they ended up paying, its such a mess now and I feel I have lost a good friend, and no they did not order them, they look homemade, my friend works with computers and has 3D printers

At no point did they actually say they were buying the tickets. You chose to believe that.

I'd send the money for the meal, and move on. The meal and homemade gift may not be related to each other

If you think in future that your friend is doing something else cruel then end the friendship but if shes an otherwise decent friend, then stop reading so much into the gift and move on but PAY WHAT YOU OWE!

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 26/12/2025 16:01

Im I have a hook nose, weird eyes and if I look closely, Im sure I can see a goatee

I actually DO look like this, so send them to me. People will think they were done from life.

confusedgoldilocks · 26/12/2025 16:02

Ill post it at an angle, its too humiliating to photo it head on

OP posts:
FeliciaFancybottom · 26/12/2025 16:02

JustCabbaggeLooking · 26/12/2025 15:51

Oh no she hasn't!!

😂

BlackCatDiscoClub · 26/12/2025 16:02

Ok so its sounds like the bookends are deliberately hideous, they knew they were and wanted to see your reaction, so it's a joke gift. Maybe she thought you'd find it funny too? Do you usually have jokes like this between you? If not then this is quite out of left field. How long have you been best friends? You do need to pay them back for dinner, £300 is a lot of money for them to have to cover when it was supposed to be your treat to them. You could even turn it into a joke by telling them you think the bookends are cursed and hiding them in your friends house or garden with the money stuck to them!

PumpkinSpiceAndEverythingNice · 26/12/2025 16:02

I’m trying to work out if you’re explaining the plot of a film or something as a pisstake, but I can’t think of what it would be.

GRCP · 26/12/2025 16:03

Also, to think they were buying you £300 theatre tickets and you got her a calendar that must have cost £30 tops…
and then you made them pay for the £300 meal and haven’t paid them back…
Maybe they are taking the piss.

GoneWoman · 26/12/2025 16:03

Waiting for the pics 👀

diddl · 26/12/2025 16:04

I got my best friend a lovely calendar showing photos that were precious to me

Is that a good present?

ilovepuppies2019 · 26/12/2025 16:04

I'm sorry you're feeling so upset OP. It's horrible to feel insecure in a friendship and wonder if people are laughing at you. The restaurant incident is horrible and you must have felt awful you poor thing. If it makes you feel better, I've been on the opposite side of that and I understood that it was a mistake. Friends laugh this stuff off and don't judge eachother. Honestly, I don't think your friend went to a huge amount of effort to make you look ridiculous in a Christmas present. Think how much work that would be! No one would do that just to be mean an have a laugh - there are some many quicker, cheaper and easier ways to be mean. If she was angry about the meal then she probably wouldn't have gotten you any present. It's far more likely that she's not a very talented artist but tried her best. A handmade gift is very special. You sound very loved by your friend so don't lent anxious thoughts ruin a special Christmas. Smile everytime you see the gift and remember that someone handmade something special just for you. Maybe buy your friend the Christmas Carol tickets as a payback for the meal and add a gently apology in person.

eatreadsleeprepeat · 26/12/2025 16:05

If they made the bookends themselves then it is unlikely it was since the meal, not sure what medium but many take time. Same if they ordered them.
If I tried to make book ends to look like a particular person they probably would look like a caricature but that is because I can’t make very accurately.
Might they have been a a caricature/representation of a figure from fiction? Did your family think they were a representation of you?
Is the failure to pay for the meal part of a pattern?
As an absolute minimum you need to get the money to your friend for the meal with a genuine apology.

UneAnneeSansLumiere · 26/12/2025 16:06

This can't be real, but f it is, you are a massive CF.

confusedgoldilocks · 26/12/2025 16:09

ok well its not the bookmarks they are too hideous and upsetting, but this supposed to be me and its head on, not at an angle, i think i have every right to be upset

OP posts:
Tigerbalmshark · 26/12/2025 16:10

UneAnneeSansLumiere · 26/12/2025 16:06

This can't be real, but f it is, you are a massive CF.

I know, sticks them with a £300 dinner bill and is then surprised they haven’t spent a further £300 on expensive theatre tickets for her Christmas present, when she spent a whole £20 on a calendar for them 🤣

I suspect we will wait a while for these photos.

Theyarrived · 26/12/2025 16:10

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

confusedgoldilocks · 26/12/2025 16:11

this is it

Inappropriate present, hideous bookends and me in drag!!!!
OP posts:
honeyytoast · 26/12/2025 16:11

That is a very strange gift to give I’ll give you that