To be a little annoyed by this token gift

[slightlyjadedbythis]

I do a lot of free babysitting for my nieces and nephews.

One family got me a really lovely gift voucher. It was really appreciated and came with a really lovely card. It genuinely brought tears to my eyes.

The other family (who I’ve probably babysat for for over 200 hours this year) have got me a gift set that is currently on sale for £3. My nephew gleefully declared “we got that on Christmas Eve!” as I opened it, and my sister in law just laughed awkwardly.

AIBU to think that this is a little cheeky when I do so much free babysitting?

Honestly I don’t really believe you. I mean I believe you think this is true but I doubt that it is.

Yeah, you know me far better than I do apparently 🤣🤣

🙄

Did you also buy the kiddies a Christmas gift OP? And perhaps birthday presents and possibly Easter eggs too? I’d guess that your relatives aren’t only eager to accept the gift of your time (and the £1000’s you save them in childcare) but also gifts for their kids?

I agree with this. Don’t make it a quid pro quo or allude at all to their discourtesy. Just call them up and say cheerfully “Ive had a good look at my calendar for the new year and I will be too busy for babysitting!” When they complain just say, equally cheerfully, “oh Im sure it will be fine! Look into getting a nanny.”

You will be so very, very, free once you treat their complaints (anyone’s complaints) not as an order or an action item but just a whine. Them: blah blah so costly” You “Oh no, that sounds hard, well cheer up! Worse things happen in wartime! Im sure you will find a solution.”

I think they are treating you very badly, not just because of the paltry gift, but also because of their reaction when you said you couldn't help them as you were going to be on holiday. That shows a disturbing level of entitlement and selfishness.
The gift is actually quite insulting- a last minute Christmas Eve 'got to get something, doesn't matter what' purchase.
I would be revisiting next year's babysitting, and telling them that you are sorry but those dates now don't work for you (the MN staple reply). No further explanation needed...
Good luck!

Then keep to what you’ve committed to but no more and start being unavailable to any extra requests.
I mean I agree with @NewPinkJacketthat any gift shouldn’t be seen as done diet if payment, but to give you something so cheap and to boast about getting it on Xmas Eve (so a last minute idea) speaks volumes - they say it’s the thought that counts… and how much thought did they put into that present?

They can’t seriously expect you to commit to free babysitting months in advance, it sounds more like ‘childcare’ when arranged that way, and childcare generally isn’t free.
From what I’ve read so far it looks like they might be taking advantage of your good nature (ie they think you’re a pushover). That’s their bad, not yours, and I don’t think you ‘owe’ them more than a few weeks notice if you decide that you don’t want to continue with the arrangement.
It looks like the token, cheap, gift has made you think differently about the relationship with the parents, which is good, as you don’t deserve to be undervalued and undermined, it’s hurtful. I hope it works out for you.

You must have volunteered at some point to do this for free, and your siblings have taken you up on the offer.
I find it strange that you then moan about the monitry value of the gift. If you measure your value by material things, then say you feel undervalued and charge them for your time.
If you don't mind babysitting, then continue for free but make yourself less available and only do it occasionally. If challenged remind your siblings that the children are theirs, not yours and you can choose when you offer your time.
The ball is really in your court
If you do/ say nothing, then nothing will change. Is that what you want?

Cancel. Seriously, how fucking rude are these people?

I voted yabu because if you have no expectation then you get no disappointment.
You may not have consciously expected it but it wouldn't bother you at all if you hadn't

You’re being taken advantage of. You can cancel but you know they’ll throw their toys out the pram like a toddler if you say no. So you don’t.

They hold the power, because they know you won’t say no. Take it back.

You are being unreasonable to consider this 'a bit cheeky'.

In these circumstances it's an absolute mickey take and a humiliation.

If youre too afraid to stand up for yourself, direct them to this thread and let them find out for themselves!

No more beyond the current commitments if you are unhappy.

well uncomit yourself then
they see you as a mug its not fair on you

You have zero self respect and neither do they, for you.
You would be far better investing in developing self-esteem than providing 200 hours of free childcare for people who couldn't care less for you.

We teach people how to treat us.
They are cheeky fxxker users.

You are sadly ripe for an abusive relationship if you let so called family use you like that.
Deeply unhealthy.

You have saved them thousands in childcare and they think a $3 last minute nothing is all you deserve?

Carry on as you are if that is all you feel you deserve for all of that time....that is the equivalent of 5 weeks of 40 hours childcare.
Unbelievable.

They are taking the piss out of you. A thoughtless last minute cheapo gift is actually an insult. This would make me stop baby sitting immediately. So they’d be unhappy about it. Boo hoo. Unless you take a stand and make yourself unavailable they’ll continue to take you for granted and treat you like a doormat.

They are completely taking you for granted and need to snap out of it, some parents have a habit of thinking they are doing you a favour as you love spending time with their kids (especially to childless people) whether you enjoy the time and cherish the children, it's still a favour and use of your time and should be valued in some way or another, heartfelt thanks or gestures. Good reliable babysitting is like gold dust and makes a huge difference to parents lives, if we had access to that, I'd be treating the person like royalty and spoiling them rotten in recognition of what a difference it made to our lives whether they were delighted to do it or otherwise - that doesn't matter. I would 100% be giving them notice that you are unable to make some of the more far off things you have committed to next year and scale down what else you commit to, their response to you being unavailable seems massively entitled, this needs knocked on the head and it's up to you to start changing the cultured around how your time is valued, it's not just about the gift. Which was offensive in its lack of thought btw.

Their unhappiness is not your concern. People treat you as badly as you let them. Pull back, get busy on some of the dates they want and if they moan they’ve got no
help you can remind them that paid sitters are available.

They’re taking you for a mug, will they babysit for you when you have children?

Cancel. They are not paying you so there is no contract. If you feel generous, give them a months notice. They have really played you by getting you to commit for a lot of time before they showed that they don't appreciate or respect you.

@slightlyjadedbythis echoing all the posts saying be less available. I hate ungrateful people and even worse when it’s family members!

Say you can’t do those dates anymore, new years hobbies etc, or say you’ve got a part time job with COL going up so much. If they offer to pay you, then take the money - you’ve said they can afford it! Cheeky buggers!

I know what you mean @slightlyjadedbythis, and it isn't about the cash value.
I let someone live with me for several months when she left her husband. I didn't ask for any money so I was quite out of pocket.
When she left she gave me a postcard and a bookmark.
I sort of expected hoped she'd take me for dinner or something, to acknowledge all I'd done.

But that's your choice.
You don't HAVE to babysit for free, you CHOOSE to babysit for free.
Honour any commitments you've made in the (very) near future, but then set some boundaries.

It sounds like you won't say no to them because you are afraid of the negative emotions associated with their reaction: their negative emotions, and perhaps your negative emotions in reaction to their emotions. And yet, they don't show positive reactions when you DO babysit: they don't compensate you, they don't even bother to put any thought into a nice gift for you. Their negative reactions are just smoke - there's no actual punishment of you because they don't ever give you anything nice that they can STOP giving you if you stop doing what they want.

Maybe this is just me getting old but I would just tell them, "I'm canceling all babysitting beyond February 1st [or insert your date of choice here] because you obviously have zero gratitude for all I do for you. You treat me poorly whenever I say no, as if I somehow owe it to you to do huge favors for you for free. Even when I can't babysit because I have my own things going on, you complain about how you never get free time, which is completely untrue. You get free time on a regular basis as I know because I am the one who regularly gives up my weekends each [insert accurate frequency of your babysitting here], for free, so you can get breaks. Well, I'm done. I am done being used and I am done having my effort go unappreciated. If you want me to babysit beyond Jan 31st [or insert date, from now on you will have to pay me a rate of X, and starting June 1 [date, etc.] , I will not be babysitting at all. In addition, the answer to all your future babysitting demands is no."

I'm a cranky old lady. But that's partly because my experience has been that people who use you like this will never treat you better. And as I get older, the poor treatment becomes less tolerable and a worse memory. But then it will be in the past and there's nothing you can do about it. The only time you can change the outcome is before it happens.

They appreciate and thank the people who only babysit for money or are available only in an emergency, you're family and unpaid so they take you for granted. They know you love their DC so they think you're happy to have them whenever, since you hardly ever say No. Now you know they feel entitled to your time what happens next is up to you

You feel like shit because they have treated you like shit. Don’t let yourself down by then going and doing free babysitting! Have some respect for yourself when they clearly don’t. Would be so furious actually.

I think in 2026 you should be far less available. Your SiL sounds like a dick.

You’re completely justified in feeling upset. They have treated you badly.

So I think you should find that you’re quite busy now! And if they whinge, you could respond “Well, you decided to have children!” and laugh (not awkwardly).

I adore my nieces and nephews but my siblings respect my time and appreciate the time I spend with their DC, not treat me like an unpaid nanny.