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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'm done..

365 replies

Cheeseyminky · 26/12/2025 12:46

We have been together for just over 2 years and don't live together. I'm done after yesterday. It was the final straw.

I don't know whether I am becoming more aware of his behaviour or whether it's his behaviour that is changing. He seems to be more and more focused on himself, his needs and always wants to be the centre of attention.

For example I had a carol concert in a village church. I asked if he wanted to go and he confirmed that he was really looking forward to it. Fast forward to 30 mins before the concert he told me that he wouldn't be coming because he was tired and not up to spending time with people. He was due to accompany my kids to the concert this left me frantically trying to make arrangements for the kids to go elsewhere or for somebody to bring them. I honestly think he was hoping that I'd have to cancel. Instead I sat the kids in the front pew and asked one of the ladies from the church to keep an eye on them.

I messaged to tell him how disappointed and how let down I felt. He ignored my message and then ignored me for over 24 hours. When he eventually resurfaced he didn't apologise for letting me down.

This year he suggested that I buy my own christmas presents as he has no idea what to buy . So I did and he gave me the money. He wrapped them but whilst I was opening my non surprise presents he complained about how much time it took him and how it was such a ball-ache.

He seemed to be mildly frustrated that the day wasn't centred on him. He kept trying to divert the focus in to him. We had a mince pie each and he said it was too sweet and made him feel sick. Despite him eating 4 identical mince pies the week before in one sitting. He made a big thing about it yesterday almost trying to make out that I was trying to make him ill. Nobody forced the mince pie down his throat.

Things hit boiling point when I was getting ready to serve dinner and asked for some help. The kids were laying the table and he was sat watching TV. He came in looking pissed off and said what do you want me to do. I asked him to make some space by washing up some dishes. He said that he'd already washed up once and why were there so many dishes. He got irritated that there were some unwashed dishes in the sink.

He then threw something in the sink causing a loud clatter said fuck this shit. I'm going. Purely because I'd asked for help in the kitchen. Everybody else was helping and he was just sat watching TV.

He picked up his keys and stormed out shouting enjoy your f*cking
Christmas. That was the last I've heard from him, im obviously on the naughty list again and I'm being ignored.The kids and I did enjoy our christmas dinner without his tantrums.

I'd only agreed to let him come over Christmas day if he could promise that he'd not cause any drama. He assured me it would be ok but I was kind of thinking that he couldn't get through the day without causing any.

The kids and I are having a lovely boxing day eating chocolates and mince pies. Building lego and playing with toys without waiting for a human grenade to explode.

Happy boxing day everyone

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 26/12/2025 18:13

Gymnopedie · 26/12/2025 13:01

Oh come on. I know some on MN think you shouldn't introduce them until you're on your 25th anniversary and the kids are 40. Two years is reasonable.

I agree. Just how many years are you supposed to wait before introducing the DC (and I note this restriction is rarely applied to men who remarry and have second families)?

Its easy to say “why are you with this dick” but if he had been such a charmless oaf at the beginning the OP would likely never have entered a relationship. Sometimes people don’t really show themselves until they are established.

On the plus side - the OP hasn’t allowed him to move in or had children with him so she is free to start the year knowing she has already shed 10+ stone of useless fab and can indulge in leftover chocolate and panettone all through January.

myhaggisblewup · 26/12/2025 18:13

Get your locks changed asap. He can go and mug off on some other poor cow, who he will meet in the next two weeks if he hasn't already got one in his sights.
Your kids anf you come first before any man. Especially twats like this one.

Radiosn · 26/12/2025 18:21

Your poor children.
Why have you brought such a nasty arsehole into their lives?
Allowing him to join them at Christmas when you know he kicks off?
Shameful behaviour.
You need to keep your children safe from this arsehole.
Your priorities are seriously messed up.
Poor children.

LaurieFairyCake · 26/12/2025 18:23

Thank fuck he left, what a great result for you.

Toseland · 26/12/2025 18:30

Yes, you are done.

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/12/2025 18:31

Radiosn · 26/12/2025 18:21

Your poor children.
Why have you brought such a nasty arsehole into their lives?
Allowing him to join them at Christmas when you know he kicks off?
Shameful behaviour.
You need to keep your children safe from this arsehole.
Your priorities are seriously messed up.
Poor children.

What is the point of this post? He has gone. End of story. The OP can't go back in time and do it differently

Lostinbrum · 26/12/2025 18:32

I voted YABU cos you are for allowing such a prize bellend into you and your children's lives. Finish with him ffs

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/12/2025 18:33

Lostinbrum · 26/12/2025 18:32

I voted YABU cos you are for allowing such a prize bellend into you and your children's lives. Finish with him ffs

Read the thread ffs.

Littlebitpsycho · 26/12/2025 18:36

Block him and never speak to him again - if he's got stuff at yours, bin liners and chuck them out front. If he's got keys - locksmith tomorrow. Utter wanker

Booboobagins · 26/12/2025 18:51

Good luck and best wishes on your best decision in 2025. He is an AH and doesn't deserve you or your kids x

Theslummymummy · 26/12/2025 18:55

What a charmer

Cheeseyminky · 26/12/2025 18:56

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement and support.

I have blocked him on everything and I have changed the locks (I did this after the concert) I've also charged up my ring camera and made sure its online.

Tomorrow am heading off to spend time with family and friends for new year, last minute decision but I will have a lovely new year. If he comes round after being blocked there will be nobody here.

Just wanted to say obviously he wasnt a massive thundercunt from the outset. In the beginning he was amazing, he was communicative, supportive, empathetic, funny, thoughtful, romantic, generous... you kind of get the picture and when he got to meet my kids (after dating for over a year) he was great with the kids and the kids enjoyed spending time with him... but slowly over the last maybe 3-4 months his personality has started to change there was always an excuse for his arseholeness, I'm tired, I'm not feeling well, I'm snappy because I'm in pain... blah blah blah...

His behaviour was becoming more and more self centred and he seemed to be becoming irritated by trivial things.

I was going to end it after the concert but I felt bad that he'd be by himself. I did have a thought that he might have caused drama purely because he was told not to! Hindsight is great isn’t it. I should have just ended it when I changed the locks.

Looking forward to a great new year and 2026 with out an extra arsehole!

OP posts:
Katflapkit · 26/12/2025 19:13

Well done OP. Sounds like you mean it - onwards and upwards. All the best for the New Year

HolyFocacciaa · 26/12/2025 19:17

What a vile pig!!

ApolloandDaphne · 26/12/2025 19:19

It sounds like he added little to your life. Well done for getting rid.

SL2924 · 26/12/2025 20:01

Why are you exposing your children to this?

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/12/2025 20:04

SL2924 · 26/12/2025 20:01

Why are you exposing your children to this?

She isn't. He's gone, blocked, locks changed RTFT.

Radiosn · 26/12/2025 20:16

Sounds like he was masking and that mask has well and truly slipped.
He sounds potentially really abusive.
Don't hesitate to contact the police if he comes near you.

Cheeseyminky · 27/12/2025 10:11

Radiosn · 26/12/2025 20:16

Sounds like he was masking and that mask has well and truly slipped.
He sounds potentially really abusive.
Don't hesitate to contact the police if he comes near you.

I think you are right.

OP posts:
Tryingatleast · 27/12/2025 10:14

Ah op I’m so sorry. You Abc your kids will be better off without him. At the start I was going to say he sounded depressed and that could make him selfish but that’s an insult to depressed people as he sounds terrible

notacooldad · 27/12/2025 11:08

I'd only agreed to let him come over Christmas day if he could promise that he'd not cause any drama

This sentence jumped out at me. Clearly he has a pattern!

OhFFSMum · 27/12/2025 18:02

I didn't read any further than the mince pie bit... throw this one back in the sea

Ladygardenerinderby · 27/12/2025 18:07

You’re well shut , close the door and bolt it twice

Livingthebestlife · 27/12/2025 18:15

You really are better off without him, having to walk on egg shells, wondering what humour he's going to be in, angry etc you get one life and tbh don't waste it with someone who treats you and your kids like this, you can and will have the best life without him.

extrasushiplease · 27/12/2025 18:17

"Men" like this deserve only to be alone.