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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm done..

365 replies

Cheeseyminky · 26/12/2025 12:46

We have been together for just over 2 years and don't live together. I'm done after yesterday. It was the final straw.

I don't know whether I am becoming more aware of his behaviour or whether it's his behaviour that is changing. He seems to be more and more focused on himself, his needs and always wants to be the centre of attention.

For example I had a carol concert in a village church. I asked if he wanted to go and he confirmed that he was really looking forward to it. Fast forward to 30 mins before the concert he told me that he wouldn't be coming because he was tired and not up to spending time with people. He was due to accompany my kids to the concert this left me frantically trying to make arrangements for the kids to go elsewhere or for somebody to bring them. I honestly think he was hoping that I'd have to cancel. Instead I sat the kids in the front pew and asked one of the ladies from the church to keep an eye on them.

I messaged to tell him how disappointed and how let down I felt. He ignored my message and then ignored me for over 24 hours. When he eventually resurfaced he didn't apologise for letting me down.

This year he suggested that I buy my own christmas presents as he has no idea what to buy . So I did and he gave me the money. He wrapped them but whilst I was opening my non surprise presents he complained about how much time it took him and how it was such a ball-ache.

He seemed to be mildly frustrated that the day wasn't centred on him. He kept trying to divert the focus in to him. We had a mince pie each and he said it was too sweet and made him feel sick. Despite him eating 4 identical mince pies the week before in one sitting. He made a big thing about it yesterday almost trying to make out that I was trying to make him ill. Nobody forced the mince pie down his throat.

Things hit boiling point when I was getting ready to serve dinner and asked for some help. The kids were laying the table and he was sat watching TV. He came in looking pissed off and said what do you want me to do. I asked him to make some space by washing up some dishes. He said that he'd already washed up once and why were there so many dishes. He got irritated that there were some unwashed dishes in the sink.

He then threw something in the sink causing a loud clatter said fuck this shit. I'm going. Purely because I'd asked for help in the kitchen. Everybody else was helping and he was just sat watching TV.

He picked up his keys and stormed out shouting enjoy your f*cking
Christmas. That was the last I've heard from him, im obviously on the naughty list again and I'm being ignored.The kids and I did enjoy our christmas dinner without his tantrums.

I'd only agreed to let him come over Christmas day if he could promise that he'd not cause any drama. He assured me it would be ok but I was kind of thinking that he couldn't get through the day without causing any.

The kids and I are having a lovely boxing day eating chocolates and mince pies. Building lego and playing with toys without waiting for a human grenade to explode.

Happy boxing day everyone

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 26/12/2025 16:21

Ministerofmumbles · 26/12/2025 12:57

Seriously OP, how have you allowed this man that you’ve only been in a relationship with for 2 years around your kids?

Ffs. 🙄

mbonfield · 26/12/2025 16:22

Hi OP Everyone has said it this is the end.

As they say plenty more fish in the sea.

TheFormidableMrsC · 26/12/2025 16:26

Do NOT allow this arsehole back into your life 🚩🚩🚩

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 26/12/2025 16:29

I dumped a twatty boyfriend 33 years ago yesterday on Xmas day and never once looked back….dumo his horrible ass and you and your kids live long and prosper my lovely xx

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 26/12/2025 16:32

Definitely get rid and start 2026 afresh.

UnintentionalArcher · 26/12/2025 16:32

Cheeseyminky · 26/12/2025 12:46

We have been together for just over 2 years and don't live together. I'm done after yesterday. It was the final straw.

I don't know whether I am becoming more aware of his behaviour or whether it's his behaviour that is changing. He seems to be more and more focused on himself, his needs and always wants to be the centre of attention.

For example I had a carol concert in a village church. I asked if he wanted to go and he confirmed that he was really looking forward to it. Fast forward to 30 mins before the concert he told me that he wouldn't be coming because he was tired and not up to spending time with people. He was due to accompany my kids to the concert this left me frantically trying to make arrangements for the kids to go elsewhere or for somebody to bring them. I honestly think he was hoping that I'd have to cancel. Instead I sat the kids in the front pew and asked one of the ladies from the church to keep an eye on them.

I messaged to tell him how disappointed and how let down I felt. He ignored my message and then ignored me for over 24 hours. When he eventually resurfaced he didn't apologise for letting me down.

This year he suggested that I buy my own christmas presents as he has no idea what to buy . So I did and he gave me the money. He wrapped them but whilst I was opening my non surprise presents he complained about how much time it took him and how it was such a ball-ache.

He seemed to be mildly frustrated that the day wasn't centred on him. He kept trying to divert the focus in to him. We had a mince pie each and he said it was too sweet and made him feel sick. Despite him eating 4 identical mince pies the week before in one sitting. He made a big thing about it yesterday almost trying to make out that I was trying to make him ill. Nobody forced the mince pie down his throat.

Things hit boiling point when I was getting ready to serve dinner and asked for some help. The kids were laying the table and he was sat watching TV. He came in looking pissed off and said what do you want me to do. I asked him to make some space by washing up some dishes. He said that he'd already washed up once and why were there so many dishes. He got irritated that there were some unwashed dishes in the sink.

He then threw something in the sink causing a loud clatter said fuck this shit. I'm going. Purely because I'd asked for help in the kitchen. Everybody else was helping and he was just sat watching TV.

He picked up his keys and stormed out shouting enjoy your f*cking
Christmas. That was the last I've heard from him, im obviously on the naughty list again and I'm being ignored.The kids and I did enjoy our christmas dinner without his tantrums.

I'd only agreed to let him come over Christmas day if he could promise that he'd not cause any drama. He assured me it would be ok but I was kind of thinking that he couldn't get through the day without causing any.

The kids and I are having a lovely boxing day eating chocolates and mince pies. Building lego and playing with toys without waiting for a human grenade to explode.

Happy boxing day everyone

Sounds like the best possible outcome with someone so awful. He walked out, saving you the trouble of telling him to go.

FollowSpot · 26/12/2025 16:35

A man who swore and chucked stuff like that would not set foot in my house again. Especially with kids present.

Your OP is one example after another of disrespect, abuse and a big red flag that says he doesn’t even like you let alone love you.

Your life will be lighter and freer without him and it is much better that your kids will not be observing such horrible behaviour as a ‘relationship’.

BunnyLake · 26/12/2025 16:35

Yeah, throw this one away. No one with any sense wants this drama in their life. He’s a tosser.

MummyWillow1 · 26/12/2025 16:37

Does he have a key? If so get it back or change the locks and block him.

Saladbrains · 26/12/2025 16:38

WalkDontWalk · 26/12/2025 15:53

I'm a staunch advocate of open communication, forgiveness rather than recrimination and the re-setting of relationships to give a chance of success. So it's very unlike me to say this, but....

Do not get into a conversation with him about this. Simply text and say 'your stuff is in a black bag in the porch. If it's not gone by this time tomorrow, it's going in the bin. Put your key through the door. If you make any attempt to contact me, I shall call the police. That's all. Goodbye.'

And stick to that.

In a fortnight, you will feel fucking fantastic.

This.

He was selfish, self-obsessed, a poor companion to you and a terrible example of a male role model to your children.

Your job now is to ensure that he cannot communicate with any of you ever again - locks changed, children’s school warned to rebuff any approaches by him, even your work colleagues informed to rebuff any so-called-emergencies.

Amorphic · 26/12/2025 16:56

This is a no brainer.
I’m tempted to say YABU for getting with him in the first place. It’s one thing to put yourself in the position of being let down. But you need to protect your children.

Amorphic · 26/12/2025 16:59

littleblackdress26 · 26/12/2025 12:52

Perfect timing you can start the new year fresh bye bye and good riddance!!

Yes to this.

UnhappyHobbit · 26/12/2025 17:28

Oh I’m so sorry to read this. That must have been very frantic trying to sort your kids while you got ready for your recital. Reading that alone was enough to think he’s let you down badly. He clearly is very self centred and you’ve seen him for what he is. You don’t need to do any chasing!

Screamingabdabz · 26/12/2025 17:29

I voted YABU because you’ve allowed your kids to be around this absolute tool far too long. Why? I doubt you’ll actually end this relationship when he next comes grovelling around because you’re already inured to it.

Mistyglade · 26/12/2025 17:31

The shit flushed itself.

Don’t let it back in.

Climbingrosexx · 26/12/2025 17:42

The kids and I did enjoy our christmas dinner without his tantrums.

The kids and I are having a lovely boxing day eating chocolates and mince pies. Building lego and playing with toys without waiting for a human grenade to explode

These are the 2 things that really struck me about this post. You definitely don't need him and are much happier when he is not around. I would not normally tell anyone to leave a relationship but seriously it sounds to me like you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Its not like you have the complications of a marriage. I would just leave him to his misery

TonTonMacoute · 26/12/2025 17:44

Why on earth did you put up with this sulky man baby for two years? You are well rid by the sound of it.

AfraidToRun · 26/12/2025 17:46

Is he my ex? What a twat.

ElmBeechOak · 26/12/2025 17:49

I don't understand why you have bothered with him for the last two years? It sounds like you are better off without.

TokyoSushi · 26/12/2025 17:49

Well actually this is Happy Boxing Day to you OP, first day of the rest of your life without this absolute fool in it.

Isayitasitis · 26/12/2025 17:51

Wow what a massive dickhead!

Give yourself the biggest ever xmas present and dump him from a great height. Him stropping over washing up, let alone the rest, would make my bits clamp up for life.

Absolutely vile. Do you realise he was teaching you to walk on egg shells and never dare ask him to do anything again? This is how it starts so well done you for not complying to his holy greatness!

AmusedMember · 26/12/2025 17:56

He'd be gone. Not even a bye needed.

SevenYellowHammers · 26/12/2025 18:06

Cheeseyminky · 26/12/2025 12:46

We have been together for just over 2 years and don't live together. I'm done after yesterday. It was the final straw.

I don't know whether I am becoming more aware of his behaviour or whether it's his behaviour that is changing. He seems to be more and more focused on himself, his needs and always wants to be the centre of attention.

For example I had a carol concert in a village church. I asked if he wanted to go and he confirmed that he was really looking forward to it. Fast forward to 30 mins before the concert he told me that he wouldn't be coming because he was tired and not up to spending time with people. He was due to accompany my kids to the concert this left me frantically trying to make arrangements for the kids to go elsewhere or for somebody to bring them. I honestly think he was hoping that I'd have to cancel. Instead I sat the kids in the front pew and asked one of the ladies from the church to keep an eye on them.

I messaged to tell him how disappointed and how let down I felt. He ignored my message and then ignored me for over 24 hours. When he eventually resurfaced he didn't apologise for letting me down.

This year he suggested that I buy my own christmas presents as he has no idea what to buy . So I did and he gave me the money. He wrapped them but whilst I was opening my non surprise presents he complained about how much time it took him and how it was such a ball-ache.

He seemed to be mildly frustrated that the day wasn't centred on him. He kept trying to divert the focus in to him. We had a mince pie each and he said it was too sweet and made him feel sick. Despite him eating 4 identical mince pies the week before in one sitting. He made a big thing about it yesterday almost trying to make out that I was trying to make him ill. Nobody forced the mince pie down his throat.

Things hit boiling point when I was getting ready to serve dinner and asked for some help. The kids were laying the table and he was sat watching TV. He came in looking pissed off and said what do you want me to do. I asked him to make some space by washing up some dishes. He said that he'd already washed up once and why were there so many dishes. He got irritated that there were some unwashed dishes in the sink.

He then threw something in the sink causing a loud clatter said fuck this shit. I'm going. Purely because I'd asked for help in the kitchen. Everybody else was helping and he was just sat watching TV.

He picked up his keys and stormed out shouting enjoy your f*cking
Christmas. That was the last I've heard from him, im obviously on the naughty list again and I'm being ignored.The kids and I did enjoy our christmas dinner without his tantrums.

I'd only agreed to let him come over Christmas day if he could promise that he'd not cause any drama. He assured me it would be ok but I was kind of thinking that he couldn't get through the day without causing any.

The kids and I are having a lovely boxing day eating chocolates and mince pies. Building lego and playing with toys without waiting for a human grenade to explode.

Happy boxing day everyone

Doesn’t sound like you need any advice OP but I will give you a round of applause. Glad you and the kids had a good day . Bye bye misery guts man baby …

mindutopia · 26/12/2025 18:08

Well, I hope you did enjoy your Christmas without him and he is firmly in the bin. Block and give him a piece of his own medicine while you get on with your lovely life with your children. What a loser.

itsthetea · 26/12/2025 18:12

Congratulations!