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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'm done..

365 replies

Cheeseyminky · 26/12/2025 12:46

We have been together for just over 2 years and don't live together. I'm done after yesterday. It was the final straw.

I don't know whether I am becoming more aware of his behaviour or whether it's his behaviour that is changing. He seems to be more and more focused on himself, his needs and always wants to be the centre of attention.

For example I had a carol concert in a village church. I asked if he wanted to go and he confirmed that he was really looking forward to it. Fast forward to 30 mins before the concert he told me that he wouldn't be coming because he was tired and not up to spending time with people. He was due to accompany my kids to the concert this left me frantically trying to make arrangements for the kids to go elsewhere or for somebody to bring them. I honestly think he was hoping that I'd have to cancel. Instead I sat the kids in the front pew and asked one of the ladies from the church to keep an eye on them.

I messaged to tell him how disappointed and how let down I felt. He ignored my message and then ignored me for over 24 hours. When he eventually resurfaced he didn't apologise for letting me down.

This year he suggested that I buy my own christmas presents as he has no idea what to buy . So I did and he gave me the money. He wrapped them but whilst I was opening my non surprise presents he complained about how much time it took him and how it was such a ball-ache.

He seemed to be mildly frustrated that the day wasn't centred on him. He kept trying to divert the focus in to him. We had a mince pie each and he said it was too sweet and made him feel sick. Despite him eating 4 identical mince pies the week before in one sitting. He made a big thing about it yesterday almost trying to make out that I was trying to make him ill. Nobody forced the mince pie down his throat.

Things hit boiling point when I was getting ready to serve dinner and asked for some help. The kids were laying the table and he was sat watching TV. He came in looking pissed off and said what do you want me to do. I asked him to make some space by washing up some dishes. He said that he'd already washed up once and why were there so many dishes. He got irritated that there were some unwashed dishes in the sink.

He then threw something in the sink causing a loud clatter said fuck this shit. I'm going. Purely because I'd asked for help in the kitchen. Everybody else was helping and he was just sat watching TV.

He picked up his keys and stormed out shouting enjoy your f*cking
Christmas. That was the last I've heard from him, im obviously on the naughty list again and I'm being ignored.The kids and I did enjoy our christmas dinner without his tantrums.

I'd only agreed to let him come over Christmas day if he could promise that he'd not cause any drama. He assured me it would be ok but I was kind of thinking that he couldn't get through the day without causing any.

The kids and I are having a lovely boxing day eating chocolates and mince pies. Building lego and playing with toys without waiting for a human grenade to explode.

Happy boxing day everyone

OP posts:
Pherian · 29/12/2025 02:24

Cheeseyminky · 27/12/2025 20:08

The locks have been changed and I never want to see him again

I am so proud of you 💯 Sending big hugs.

ThisAutumnTown · 29/12/2025 02:44

Proud of you for putting you foot down and saying, “enough!”. Scum like that deserves to be alone.

Dolly2288 · 29/12/2025 05:20

congratulaTons you are well rid

hattie43 · 29/12/2025 05:44

Can’t understand how you lasted 2yrs tbh . Horrible man

Patchworkquilts · 29/12/2025 06:12

Is this really the type of relationship you want to show your kids? How would you feel if one of your kids was in this type of relationship later? Be a role model and show them this is not acceptable behaviour.

QuaintMauveCrow · 29/12/2025 07:43

DurinsBane · 28/12/2025 22:57

Is it his choice not to see her? If so he is a scumbag. Or is it your choice? If so, you are out of order

He has to go through the court process to put something safe in place to see her because he was so abusive. He has decided not to do that.

VioletandMauve · 29/12/2025 07:45

WildLeader · 28/12/2025 18:49

It takes on average 2 years for an abuser to show himself.

have you read Lundy Bancrofts Why Does He Do this? There are free pdfs online you can download

Yes it took 2 years for my abuser to show himself. I then spent the next 5 years in an abyss. I broke free 20 years ago next week. Never looked back and life became wonderful. Also the Lundy Bancroft book helped me so much.

OP you’ve done the right thing. Life can only get better now. 😊

VioletandMauve · 29/12/2025 07:55

Pherian · 29/12/2025 02:22

I said you’re being unreasonable- not because of him - but you ma’am are allowing this shit in your life and you’re still trying to put together that turd jigsaw puzzle. For fuck sake dump his sorry ass already. Honestly.

For fuck sake (sic) read the thread. Honestly. 🙄

tripleginandtonic · 29/12/2025 08:36

Cursula · 28/12/2025 19:28

You’re an idiot. Suggest you read thread before making yourself look like a fool.

He'd already spoiled things for her and dc, he doesn't live with them so why have him there on Christmas day. Its not me that's the idiot quite frankly.

mydogisanidiott · 29/12/2025 10:45

Amazing OP! I think that you made a quick escape after these behaviours started and have shown clear and appropriate boundaries and made sensible
descions! Wishing you a peaceful new year.

I cannot ever imagine being such a horrible person. Who would do those things!?

Cheeseyminky · 29/12/2025 11:13

mydogisanidiott · 29/12/2025 10:45

Amazing OP! I think that you made a quick escape after these behaviours started and have shown clear and appropriate boundaries and made sensible
descions! Wishing you a peaceful new year.

I cannot ever imagine being such a horrible person. Who would do those things!?

Thank you. I'm looking forward to the new year. It still feels a bit weird but I have no urge to make any contact x

OP posts:
AmberGreenwood · 29/12/2025 11:14

I started off feeling a bit of empathy for him with the carol service as I have bailed on things last minute in the past due to anxiety and feeling completely overwhelmed. But the more I read, the more it sounds like he is just a dick. Maybe ask your kids if they would prefer it if he doesn’t come round anymore and I’m sure you will have your answer x

Hollietree · 30/12/2025 07:25

Pherian · 29/12/2025 02:22

I said you’re being unreasonable- not because of him - but you ma’am are allowing this shit in your life and you’re still trying to put together that turd jigsaw puzzle. For fuck sake dump his sorry ass already. Honestly.

Why are you commenting on a post that you haven’t even read?! She dumped him days ago!

KayMarie121 · 30/12/2025 18:59

Screams narcissist to me. Avoid!!!! He’ll make it about you for 3 minutes and complain. Ruin things for you last minute to bring it back to him. You don’t deserve that.

Merida46 · 31/12/2025 00:14

Remember to change the door locks!😊

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