I'm done..

[Cheeseyminky]

We have been together for just over 2 years and don't live together. I'm done after yesterday. It was the final straw.

I don't know whether I am becoming more aware of his behaviour or whether it's his behaviour that is changing. He seems to be more and more focused on himself, his needs and always wants to be the centre of attention.

For example I had a carol concert in a village church. I asked if he wanted to go and he confirmed that he was really looking forward to it. Fast forward to 30 mins before the concert he told me that he wouldn't be coming because he was tired and not up to spending time with people. He was due to accompany my kids to the concert this left me frantically trying to make arrangements for the kids to go elsewhere or for somebody to bring them. I honestly think he was hoping that I'd have to cancel. Instead I sat the kids in the front pew and asked one of the ladies from the church to keep an eye on them.

I messaged to tell him how disappointed and how let down I felt. He ignored my message and then ignored me for over 24 hours. When he eventually resurfaced he didn't apologise for letting me down.

This year he suggested that I buy my own christmas presents as he has no idea what to buy . So I did and he gave me the money. He wrapped them but whilst I was opening my non surprise presents he complained about how much time it took him and how it was such a ball-ache.

He seemed to be mildly frustrated that the day wasn't centred on him. He kept trying to divert the focus in to him. We had a mince pie each and he said it was too sweet and made him feel sick. Despite him eating 4 identical mince pies the week before in one sitting. He made a big thing about it yesterday almost trying to make out that I was trying to make him ill. Nobody forced the mince pie down his throat.

Things hit boiling point when I was getting ready to serve dinner and asked for some help. The kids were laying the table and he was sat watching TV. He came in looking pissed off and said what do you want me to do. I asked him to make some space by washing up some dishes. He said that he'd already washed up once and why were there so many dishes. He got irritated that there were some unwashed dishes in the sink.

He then threw something in the sink causing a loud clatter said fuck this shit. I'm going. Purely because I'd asked for help in the kitchen. Everybody else was helping and he was just sat watching TV.

He picked up his keys and stormed out shouting enjoy your f*cking
Christmas. That was the last I've heard from him, im obviously on the naughty list again and I'm being ignored.The kids and I did enjoy our christmas dinner without his tantrums.

I'd only agreed to let him come over Christmas day if he could promise that he'd not cause any drama. He assured me it would be ok but I was kind of thinking that he couldn't get through the day without causing any.

The kids and I are having a lovely boxing day eating chocolates and mince pies. Building lego and playing with toys without waiting for a human grenade to explode.

Happy boxing day everyone

I suspect he wanted out and engineered a situation. Either way, you’re well rid.

This is exactly what struck me reading this op.

He was actively looking to cause tension and you were not giving him much to work with, besides a planned concert and a few mince pies there was nothing wrong with.

I'm slow on here to suspect another woman but I wouldn't say it's a wild possibility in this circumstance: he's looking to find fault with you/ push you to kick up so he can point the finger at you. "Nothing to do with him just not being into you." 🙄

There's no more joy to be had here I don't think.

He sounds like a total liability who will drain the joy out of any and every occasion.

He's gone - so make sure he STAYS gone, and bless your good fortune that you binned him off before there were rings on fingers and nappies on newborns.

Have a lovely time with your kids making the future and home you want for yourselves, without this dementor sucking the soul from your happy family.

(Maybe change the locks if he's got keys, as well as blocking his number). Best wishes to you. x

It sounds like he’s a horrible arsehole. I suspect you’ve had a pretty horrible time in a relationship with him and are probably feeling pretty ground down at the moment. If you didn’t have any children, I’d only be echoing what others have said about how you deserve better and not to let him come back.

But you do have children. It doesn’t matter how much emotional manipulation and gaslighting and guilt tripping he’s done on you. You are a parent. You have a responsibility to your children that should come before anything. Before ‘he’s going through a difficult time’. Before ‘he didn’t mean it’. Before ‘he’s just a bit of a drama queen’ and most definitely before ‘most of the time, he’s lovely’, ‘I love him’ and ‘I’m frightened of being on my own’.

You knew he had a tendency to be a complete dickhead. You knew this so much that you felt it necessary to warn him. And yet you still allowed him into your home, so he could make your children feel uncomfortable and like they had to walk on eggshells so they didn’t set him off. That’s all on you. So if you want to be angry with him for breaking his promise and ruining your Christmas, then you go right ahead. But you owe your children a massive apology for allowing him within a million miles of them and putting them in a position where they had to witness the way he was treating you.

You might think they’re fine and completely unaffected by being around a man who makes everything about him and who doesn’t react well to not being the centre of attention, but this sort of shit alters their brain chemistry. They are looking at you and learning what a relationship looks like. Aggression and unreliability and complete selfishness will be familiar and therefore comforting and attractive to them when they start having relationships of their own, even if they don’t consciously realise it.

I sincerely hope that this last incident prompts you to block him everywhere, never speak to him again, and to do The Freedom Programme so you learn how to recognise these men and get rid of them before your children are even aware of their existence.

What a horrible man. Get rid and never all to him again

Happy first day of the rest of your life, OP! You and DC will be so much better off without him.

Get rid of the sod.

It's already over!

You asked him to promise not to cause drama, so it's clearly not the first time he's caused drama. You're having a lovely day without him. Why the hell would you want him back?

Time to change the locks and move on.

Mind boggling isn't it

One of the best posts I've ever read on mumsnet!

It sounds like he doesn't want to be in a healthy reciprocal relationship where people communicate and compromise; he wants everything his way all the time and doesn't know how to (or doesn't bother to) manage his emotions when his partner needs or wants something different. Plus he's a rude oaf for the way he acted over the carol service - he could have said no up front. The missing apology for the last-minute cancellation, the 24 hour silent treatment, and the swearing and storming out are all big clues - as was your not wanting to invite him in the first place.

Sounds like it's past time to get rid of him, so good for you for making the break! I'm not meaning to sound preachy but perhaps use the time now to figure out how to see the red flags sooner, stop rationalising consistent/ongoing hurtful behaviour (you DO deserve better) and get rid of someone who's not enhancing your life before it goes so far.

I'm a staunch advocate of open communication, forgiveness rather than recrimination and the re-setting of relationships to give a chance of success. So it's very unlike me to say this, but....

Do not get into a conversation with him about this. Simply text and say 'your stuff is in a black bag in the porch. If it's not gone by this time tomorrow, it's going in the bin. Put your key through the door. If you make any attempt to contact me, I shall call the police. That's all. Goodbye.'

And stick to that.

In a fortnight, you will feel fucking fantastic.

He gave you the best present by leaving, so congratulations OP.

block him on all channels and don’t let him back

Put yourself and your kids first in 2026 and don't let this waste of skin back into your life OP.

You can do it.

Better awaits.

Not an arsehole like this though, I’m guessing was the implication. And I agree! Poor kids having to witness this shit.

Good riddance to him.

I tend to think that men don't like to/don't know how to end things so often engineer it so that their other half ends things - this is what it sounds like here.
He wants out but wants you to end it.
Just block him, he's a cock.

And change the locks if he has keys!!

Sounds like you already knew he was 100% NOT a keeper, volatile and self centred, yet you continued to subject your children to him .... why???

Block him on everything and move on. Don't subject your children to people like that going forward.

There is no reason on earth you should stay in a relationship with this narcissistic manbaby.

More importantly, don’t put your children through these pointless relationships with men who are terrible role models. They deserve so much better, especially at Christmas.

Block, delete, don’t give him a second thought.

Absolutely agree. It’s an often quoted comment on MN but some women always seem to put dick before kids just to have a man.

The fact this pig was supposed to be responsible fur looking after her kids at a Carol concert despite all the red flags - wtaf?

OP - you and definitely your kids are well rid of this cunt. Please don’t subject them up any more of this shit.

2 years and you already have kids? Hasn’t this relationship moved too fast? Seems like you need to put a stop to everything and reassess

Im so sorry you and your family are being treated so poorly by this ghastly man.
Im glad you are done because you and your family deserve better.
Tell him you are done being treated so appallingly .
Block and delete.

I read that they’re her kids not his.

What a horrible man. He clearly checked out of the relationship already and resents you for his own childish reasons. You need to show your children that this sort of behaviour is unacceptable for him to behave towards you an that you will not tolerate it as you swerve love and respect. Kids copy parenting. You need to keep him away forever.

I feel like this kind of man deserves an unexplained block. He is awful.

I wouldn't even bother making any further contact with this man-child other than to tell him that any stuff he has left round your house is now in a bin bag at the end of your drive and if he wants it back, he'd best come get it before the bin-men turn up on Monday morning..... twat