I'm done..

[Cheeseyminky]

We have been together for just over 2 years and don't live together. I'm done after yesterday. It was the final straw.

I don't know whether I am becoming more aware of his behaviour or whether it's his behaviour that is changing. He seems to be more and more focused on himself, his needs and always wants to be the centre of attention.

For example I had a carol concert in a village church. I asked if he wanted to go and he confirmed that he was really looking forward to it. Fast forward to 30 mins before the concert he told me that he wouldn't be coming because he was tired and not up to spending time with people. He was due to accompany my kids to the concert this left me frantically trying to make arrangements for the kids to go elsewhere or for somebody to bring them. I honestly think he was hoping that I'd have to cancel. Instead I sat the kids in the front pew and asked one of the ladies from the church to keep an eye on them.

I messaged to tell him how disappointed and how let down I felt. He ignored my message and then ignored me for over 24 hours. When he eventually resurfaced he didn't apologise for letting me down.

This year he suggested that I buy my own christmas presents as he has no idea what to buy . So I did and he gave me the money. He wrapped them but whilst I was opening my non surprise presents he complained about how much time it took him and how it was such a ball-ache.

He seemed to be mildly frustrated that the day wasn't centred on him. He kept trying to divert the focus in to him. We had a mince pie each and he said it was too sweet and made him feel sick. Despite him eating 4 identical mince pies the week before in one sitting. He made a big thing about it yesterday almost trying to make out that I was trying to make him ill. Nobody forced the mince pie down his throat.

Things hit boiling point when I was getting ready to serve dinner and asked for some help. The kids were laying the table and he was sat watching TV. He came in looking pissed off and said what do you want me to do. I asked him to make some space by washing up some dishes. He said that he'd already washed up once and why were there so many dishes. He got irritated that there were some unwashed dishes in the sink.

He then threw something in the sink causing a loud clatter said fuck this shit. I'm going. Purely because I'd asked for help in the kitchen. Everybody else was helping and he was just sat watching TV.

He picked up his keys and stormed out shouting enjoy your f*cking
Christmas. That was the last I've heard from him, im obviously on the naughty list again and I'm being ignored.The kids and I did enjoy our christmas dinner without his tantrums.

I'd only agreed to let him come over Christmas day if he could promise that he'd not cause any drama. He assured me it would be ok but I was kind of thinking that he couldn't get through the day without causing any.

The kids and I are having a lovely boxing day eating chocolates and mince pies. Building lego and playing with toys without waiting for a human grenade to explode.

Happy boxing day everyone

This is a boy, by the sounds of him.
I would strongly suggest you have a friendly New Year's eve, then move on as a resolution.
As a single mother, you are emotionally mature.
There are lots of boys around, but you need a man.
I wish you well, lass x

It really is! And I echo what previous posters have said about being proud of yourself, ending a relationship, particularly a difficult one with someone that you have loved is HARD, it’s taken me months to feel as ok as i now do and it’s not a linear process but so so worth it! Opening up the space to love yourself and possibly receive the love you deserve is a beautiful and exciting process! I wish you all the best xx

If he hasn't already been abusive, then it's definitely starting to head this way.

Throw him in the bin and far away from your kids

Oh and I think its sensible to think about perhaps moving closer to friends and family if you can. Im a single mum and its been a godsend having my parents close by. My daughter is now 15.

Well that’s a whole lot of rubbish you won’t be taking into next year! Think you are better off without him for sure!

You know what to do without any advice on here... do not try to contact him. Let him go. Take care.

Thank you. Reflection is great, I keep having these little “aha” moments when I look back at certain behaviours.

For example, I was trying to write down a story I used to tell the kids when they were small, not to publish or anything, just so I don’t forget it and so I can keep it for them when they’re older and maybe pass it on to their children one day.

Everytime I tried to sit down and write, he would suddenly turn the TV up loud or wind the dog up so she started barking. It was as if he couldn't let me do something quietly by myself he had to try and disturb that. Eventually I gave up trying.

In the New Year I’ll finally be able to finish it and honestly I can’t wait. It feels so good for us to have our space back and not have to feel like everything has to revolve around one person all the time xx

What a horrible bloke.

I'm glad to hear you will not get back with that horrible man.

Have you ever spoken to the police about him - that may have information that could be disclosed under Clare's Law.

I hope you never hear from him again but you and your children are so precious so take whatever measures you need to feel safe, and as a PP said in the longer term if your lives would be improved by moving closer to family consider it (not only because of the horrible man, I mean do what is right for you).

No mutual kids or shared mortgage/tenancy? And he’s already worked your last nerve?

This should be an easy drop.

Glad you and children had a great Christmas without him.

JC , why are you with this loser? He is obnoxious and clearly doesn't love you!! Get rid asap, you deserve SO much better.

OP, I am so utterly delighted that you've got your peace and freedom back. What a delicious Christmas present to give to yourself!

He's done you a favour by walking out, you've had a lucky escape and so have your kids.

Thank you, I'm going to take your advice and do a Clare's Law application. The way he flipped so quickly has me a bit worried that this isn't the first time that he's behaved like this. Better to have all of the information xx

Sounds like a narc and the mask has slipped! Good for you getting rid. Make sure he stays that way into a happy new year for you!

This is the best thing to do, in these circumstances nothing speaks louder than silence.

He'll either not be bothered which shows how little he thought of you or be pissed off with you as you haven't been contacting him every 5 minutes and is waiting it out as he thinks you'll crack soon and make that call.

Show him that you can live without him.

You changed the locks before he came over and spent Christmas Day with you and the kids??

Thank god you’re rid of him OP. Every year at this time on MN who write posts like these and I’m so glad to read the ones like this when they stand up strong and leave. Stay strong OP and whilst a cliche, start the year afresh and don’t look back at this horrible man.

This sounds so much like my ex before he became abusive. Well done for getting rid of him before things got worse.

My head was so much clearer and my shoulders so much lighter after I dumped him. I felt relief at not having to deal with his moods.

Please. Do not let this man dictate the emotional temperature in your home and your life. It will not get better, it will only get worse. It is time to remove him, he is toxic.

Hmm. Check out the definition of a narcissist. I reckon you're well rid. Been there. Done that. They're very charming at first, then it becomes 'all about me'. Sulks, rages, attention-seeking, ignoring / airing you on texts. It's all there.

I think you might be right. I've been watching a lot of videos about narcissists and narcissism and a lot of his behaviour does seem to align with those of a narcissist.

Perfect start to the new year, now you can celebrate!!!

You subject your children to this man?

It's really refreshing to read of women getting rid of arseholes like this. Good riddance.