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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'm done..

365 replies

Cheeseyminky · 26/12/2025 12:46

We have been together for just over 2 years and don't live together. I'm done after yesterday. It was the final straw.

I don't know whether I am becoming more aware of his behaviour or whether it's his behaviour that is changing. He seems to be more and more focused on himself, his needs and always wants to be the centre of attention.

For example I had a carol concert in a village church. I asked if he wanted to go and he confirmed that he was really looking forward to it. Fast forward to 30 mins before the concert he told me that he wouldn't be coming because he was tired and not up to spending time with people. He was due to accompany my kids to the concert this left me frantically trying to make arrangements for the kids to go elsewhere or for somebody to bring them. I honestly think he was hoping that I'd have to cancel. Instead I sat the kids in the front pew and asked one of the ladies from the church to keep an eye on them.

I messaged to tell him how disappointed and how let down I felt. He ignored my message and then ignored me for over 24 hours. When he eventually resurfaced he didn't apologise for letting me down.

This year he suggested that I buy my own christmas presents as he has no idea what to buy . So I did and he gave me the money. He wrapped them but whilst I was opening my non surprise presents he complained about how much time it took him and how it was such a ball-ache.

He seemed to be mildly frustrated that the day wasn't centred on him. He kept trying to divert the focus in to him. We had a mince pie each and he said it was too sweet and made him feel sick. Despite him eating 4 identical mince pies the week before in one sitting. He made a big thing about it yesterday almost trying to make out that I was trying to make him ill. Nobody forced the mince pie down his throat.

Things hit boiling point when I was getting ready to serve dinner and asked for some help. The kids were laying the table and he was sat watching TV. He came in looking pissed off and said what do you want me to do. I asked him to make some space by washing up some dishes. He said that he'd already washed up once and why were there so many dishes. He got irritated that there were some unwashed dishes in the sink.

He then threw something in the sink causing a loud clatter said fuck this shit. I'm going. Purely because I'd asked for help in the kitchen. Everybody else was helping and he was just sat watching TV.

He picked up his keys and stormed out shouting enjoy your f*cking
Christmas. That was the last I've heard from him, im obviously on the naughty list again and I'm being ignored.The kids and I did enjoy our christmas dinner without his tantrums.

I'd only agreed to let him come over Christmas day if he could promise that he'd not cause any drama. He assured me it would be ok but I was kind of thinking that he couldn't get through the day without causing any.

The kids and I are having a lovely boxing day eating chocolates and mince pies. Building lego and playing with toys without waiting for a human grenade to explode.

Happy boxing day everyone

OP posts:
REP22 · 28/12/2025 14:58

Brilliant to read your updates @Cheeseyminky. I wish you every success with your writing, and many, many happy memories built with your children going forwards.

I'm sure there will be weasel-words incoming at some point but you sound more than well-prepared for them. Every best wish to you. x

FrangipaneMincies · 28/12/2025 14:59

Cheeseyminky · 28/12/2025 13:05

Thank you. Reflection is great, I keep having these little “aha” moments when I look back at certain behaviours.

For example, I was trying to write down a story I used to tell the kids when they were small, not to publish or anything, just so I don’t forget it and so I can keep it for them when they’re older and maybe pass it on to their children one day.

Everytime I tried to sit down and write, he would suddenly turn the TV up loud or wind the dog up so she started barking. It was as if he couldn't let me do something quietly by myself he had to try and disturb that. Eventually I gave up trying.

In the New Year I’ll finally be able to finish it and honestly I can’t wait. It feels so good for us to have our space back and not have to feel like everything has to revolve around one person all the time xx

He's clearly a toxic individual, and you're able to see clearly now the poison has gone. Have a great New Year, and happy times ahead!!

viques · 28/12/2025 15:00

The best Christmas present you can give yourself is to block him out of your life.

Happy New Year, welcome to a life when you don’t have to walk on eggshells and creep about begging for favours from someone who will only throw whatever you do back in your face.

Jollyhockeystickss · 28/12/2025 15:11

I'd only agreed to let him come over Christmas day if he could promise that he'd not cause any drama. ...theres nothing else to say is there, a man child sulking coz your kids come first

Jollyhockeystickss · 28/12/2025 15:18

Actually re reading your post im wondering if he was seeing someone else and shes dumped him

HamishMcCallum · 28/12/2025 15:24

Get rid. Change locks. Block number. Accept no excuses/pleas/promises.

Cheeseyminky · 28/12/2025 15:28

Jollyhockeystickss · 28/12/2025 15:18

Actually re reading your post im wondering if he was seeing someone else and shes dumped him

It does make me wonder... The week prior to Christmas he was mostly uncontactable in the evenings. He gave the same old excuse that he fell asleep on the sofa and went to bed.

It does make me wonder if he had other plans with someone else. Who knows, but if that is what he was up to I feel sorry for whoever has the misfortune of meeting him.

In the bin for him... actually 2nd thoughts I'll possibly need a skip for his over inflated ego and big head.

OP posts:
MyDeftDuck · 28/12/2025 15:29

I’m a bit late to the party on this one but please tell me you’ve dumped him OP? You and your children deserve so much better! Happy New Year 🥳

Cheeseyminky · 28/12/2025 15:29

HamishMcCallum · 28/12/2025 15:24

Get rid. Change locks. Block number. Accept no excuses/pleas/promises.

All done 😉

OP posts:
xAwaywiththefairiesx · 28/12/2025 15:30

orangegato · 28/12/2025 14:52

You subject your children to this man?

No, she has gotten rid of him. She's done a good thing for herself and her kids.

Do try to not be a dick keep up

Cheeseyminky · 28/12/2025 15:30

MyDeftDuck · 28/12/2025 15:29

I’m a bit late to the party on this one but please tell me you’ve dumped him OP? You and your children deserve so much better! Happy New Year 🥳

Oh yes he's blocked, locks changed and I'm never speaking to him again. Onwards and upwards x

OP posts:
xAwaywiththefairiesx · 28/12/2025 15:31

Cheeseyminky · 28/12/2025 15:28

It does make me wonder... The week prior to Christmas he was mostly uncontactable in the evenings. He gave the same old excuse that he fell asleep on the sofa and went to bed.

It does make me wonder if he had other plans with someone else. Who knows, but if that is what he was up to I feel sorry for whoever has the misfortune of meeting him.

In the bin for him... actually 2nd thoughts I'll possibly need a skip for his over inflated ego and big head.

.

xAwaywiththefairiesx · 28/12/2025 15:32

Cheeseyminky · 28/12/2025 15:28

It does make me wonder... The week prior to Christmas he was mostly uncontactable in the evenings. He gave the same old excuse that he fell asleep on the sofa and went to bed.

It does make me wonder if he had other plans with someone else. Who knows, but if that is what he was up to I feel sorry for whoever has the misfortune of meeting him.

In the bin for him... actually 2nd thoughts I'll possibly need a skip for his over inflated ego and big head.

.

I'm done..
Iloveacurry · 28/12/2025 15:34

He sounds vile. I hope you’ve finished with him.

Boomer55 · 28/12/2025 15:35

Well they’re not his kids, so why would he want to look after them?🤷‍♀️

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 28/12/2025 15:37

yanbu @Cheeseyminky . Well done on binning him, blocking him and here's to a fresh start in 2026 🍾

Power26 · 28/12/2025 15:40

I’m confused bc you keep saying you’ve broken up with him, but from reading your posts it seems he stormed out then you blocked him. Did you actually tell him the relationship is over in any way, or are you making the assumption that he knows the relationship is over?

I’m just thinking ahead in case police get involved in future, send him a message to clearly state the relationship is over, you don’t want to be contacted by him & any contact would be harassment or something. Cause at the moment it seems things have been left in the air.

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 28/12/2025 15:42

Boomer55 · 28/12/2025 15:35

Well they’re not his kids, so why would he want to look after them?🤷‍♀️

He'd already agreed to it.

Plus, he'd been her bf for 2 years and only had to sit with them in a church for an hour or so whilst the OP sang at the front. Not exactly taxing.

EasternStandard · 28/12/2025 15:47

Thank goodness he doesn’t live with you. End the relationship and don’t go back on that.

ForTipsyFinch · 28/12/2025 15:48

Surely you don’t actually want to continue with this absolute dickhead?

MaggieBsBoat · 28/12/2025 15:51

Massive congratulations on your huge „weight loss“ OP. 🎉🎄

Cheeseyminky · 28/12/2025 15:54

MaggieBsBoat · 28/12/2025 15:51

Massive congratulations on your huge „weight loss“ OP. 🎉🎄

😂😂😂 thank you. It suits me don't you think!!

OP posts:
tripleginandtonic · 28/12/2025 15:55

Ywbvu to allow him to ruin Christmas for your dc OP.. It's no surprise he's acted that way so why did you let him be at yours over Christmas? In future if you want to date dickheads do it away from your kids.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 28/12/2025 16:07

2026 will be so much better for you once you drop this heavy weight.

You have no ties - no shared kids, no shared property, no shared finances. You are in a much better position than so many people.

Wave bye bye and have a good 2026.

Gibstub · 28/12/2025 16:10

Good riddance