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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming that DH has spent the whole day on his laptop?

364 replies

MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:41

DH has spent the whole day on his laptop “working” in his home office and he hasn’t even seen me and the DC all day! He was up at 5am (the kids woke up at 6am) and he is still in his home office “working” now so we haven’t seen him all day! He even refused Christmas dinner as he said he was “too busy working”. DH does a senior office based job and he wasn’t meant to be working at all over Christmas but he is saying he apparently has to work today “because it’s urgent”! It’s Christmas Day and we haven’t seen him all day and DH can’t see the problem with this! The kids are really upset about it too! AIBU to be livid with DH over this? DH literally doesn’t see the problem but I’m fuming and the kids are upset too!

OP posts:
FestiveBauble · 25/12/2025 20:43

What on earth is so urgent he needs to be in a home office working on Christmas Day from 5am?! He’s not a surgeon performing life saving procedures, or a police officer on shift etc. Has he actually told you what the urgency is? Excel can wait!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/12/2025 20:44

That’s an addiction I think.

Grumblies · 25/12/2025 20:44

No office job requires someone to be working 5am - 8pm on Christmas day.

He sounds like he's completely checked out of family life. I'd be looking to divorce him to be honest. He's selfish and clearly doesn't want to be there, it won't get better IMHO.

Original poster
MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:45

FestiveBauble · 25/12/2025 20:43

What on earth is so urgent he needs to be in a home office working on Christmas Day from 5am?! He’s not a surgeon performing life saving procedures, or a police officer on shift etc. Has he actually told you what the urgency is? Excel can wait!

No he hasn’t told me yet what specifically is urgent! He keeps telling me not to disturb him every time I try to come in to his home office! He told the kids as well not to disturb him earlier when they tried to shout through the door to him! I’m livid but DH doesn’t seem to see the problem or understand why I’m fuming over this!

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:46

He’s still in his home office working now!

OP posts:
HowDoYouSpellThat · 25/12/2025 20:46

YANBU at all. I assume there is more to this than a one off?
I would be beyond annoyed if my DH did this, but then he never would.
What did he say when you spoke to him about it?

Stompythedinosaur · 25/12/2025 20:47

I just don't believe it was urgent.

He doesn't want to participate in family life.

HowDoYouSpellThat · 25/12/2025 20:47

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/12/2025 20:44

That’s an addiction I think.

I hadnt considered this but could well be. Work/gambling?

Wegovygirl · 25/12/2025 20:48

Screams affair.

Fixydodah · 25/12/2025 20:48

No way is he working. Gambling addiction? Talking to someone online in different time zone i.e USA? All sounds highly suspicious. Unless he is a spy.

Original poster
MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:48

HowDoYouSpellThat · 25/12/2025 20:46

YANBU at all. I assume there is more to this than a one off?
I would be beyond annoyed if my DH did this, but then he never would.
What did he say when you spoke to him about it?

He keeps telling me not to disturb him so I haven’t managed to speak to him about it properly yet, I’m livid!

OP posts:
InsolentAnnie · 25/12/2025 20:49

That is weird. Surely he’s not working all that time…?

fancytoes · 25/12/2025 20:50

I’d go in and give him the Come To Jesus talk, to be honest. Not sure how you haven’t done that already. I’d be threatening all sorts.

Bundleflower · 25/12/2025 20:50

It’s bullshit. He’s having an affair, gambling, addicted to porn or just absolutely hell bent on not having to endure his family.
I’d unplug the wifi.

snoooze · 25/12/2025 20:50

perhaps there is something on his mind that he needs to be left alone and think? And he’s using his work as a cover up? Otherwise why the shadiness and not wanting to spend time with his family? Doesn’t seem right

museumum · 25/12/2025 20:50

I wouod want an absolutely irrefutable reason like he work in cyber security and Netflix has been hacked or he’s closing a billion dollar deal in a Middle Eastern or Asian country that doesn’t take today as a holiday.
Anything less than that and I’d be seriously considering divorce. I have no time for “fathers” who are absent while present. It’s more damaging and hurtful than just being plain absent.

WinterSunglasses · 25/12/2025 20:50

I assume this isn't the first time he's chosen work over family time? How old are your DC, primary school age?

Go in and say 'do what you like, I'm filing for divorce after this' and then leave. It's ridiculous.

Makemeanonymous · 25/12/2025 20:50

You sound as though you don't believe he is actually working OP.
What do you think he is doing locked in his office that he is desperate for you not to see?

Original poster
MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:51

fancytoes · 25/12/2025 20:50

I’d go in and give him the Come To Jesus talk, to be honest. Not sure how you haven’t done that already. I’d be threatening all sorts.

I did go in to his home office at one point and he rushed me and the kids out saying we were disturbing him on a teams call/meeting with a colleague.

OP posts:
calminggreen · 25/12/2025 20:51

What job does he do that might require him to work Xmas day from home?? He has checked out of family life and is a selfish bastard why are you putting up with this

Grumblies · 25/12/2025 20:51

Makemeanonymous · 25/12/2025 20:50

You sound as though you don't believe he is actually working OP.
What do you think he is doing locked in his office that he is desperate for you not to see?

Of course he's not actually working.

TheaBrandt1 · 25/12/2025 20:52

That’s bloody weird and frankly suspicious. I used to work in the most full on job ever (international corporate finance lawyer) none of us worked on Christmas Day!

socks1107 · 25/12/2025 20:52

Are you sure it’s work he’s doing? I’d be very suspicious

Original poster
MamaOnTheCoast · 25/12/2025 20:53

The DC are foster children and are 18 months, 4 years old, 9 years old and 11 years old.

OP posts:
Nincompoo · 25/12/2025 20:53

I’d be out.

My husband is a workaholic, works full time and runs several sidelines - he’s always working, or thinking about work, it’s what makes him happy and it’s lucrative. I knew what was getting in to so in just roll with it…. However, he knows when it’s acceptable to be working and when it isn’t, and he’s been fully engaged today - I don’t even think I’ve seen him look at his phone!

I can only imagine the bollocking my DH would getting if he’d behaved like yours today.