Just to take lots of presents straight in the charity shop

[Bestreached]

I know I'm being ungrateful, but FFS please can everyone stop buying me shit I don't need! I have been so clear to everyone for years now that I don't want any presents. The acquisition of pointless stuff stresses me out. I have everything I want and need. I do not need more things, and if I ever do I can get them myself and don't need you to give me them on an arbitrary day!

I could not have been clearer with people. Much as I love you for thinking of me and putting the effort / expenditure in, please please please do not do it because I don't want you to. This isn't false modesty or whatever. I don't mind getting you stuff if you want. If you really do want to get the joy of giving, give to a charity on my behalf. I just do not want more things!! Argh!!!!

So AIBU to not even bother opening the many presents that my apparently deaf friends and relatives have got me and just take them straight to the charity shop? And if anyone thinks I'm being ungrateful and should think of all those people who want presents but don't get any, I would gladly give all of mine to them. Pick them up from the front garden in the morning.

My DS never wants things .

I buy him a years worth of underwear from Next, sports socks and black sock for his Dec 1st Box
Then he gets money .

I find it difficult to deal with as I'd like to buy him "things" but he's against it .
(My DD is the opposite she loves presents )

Hopefully people will respect my DS wishes ( and if they don't give him money , give him nothing ) but I;m his Mum so I can get away with the Dec 1st Box !

Nailed it.

There is literally no more annoying reason to do anything at all than 'traditionally we have always done this...'

Ive said this before brainwashing since birth, same as Santa etc its all a load of crap.

Just because the Victorians started it, we dont have to carry on.

I LOVE buying presents as much for my own satisfaction as to hopefully theirs when they see how much thought I've put into it.
BUT... I'd 100% respect someone who told me they weren't interested in receiving anything. I show love by buying thoughtful gifts, I'm capable of showing love also by listening to someone and respecting their wishes.

OP, next year, I hope you get nothing gifted to you for Christmas!! And I 100% mean it and never thought I'd ever say that in a nice way 😁

I understand your feelings about presents. Most of the ones I get stress me out, also because many of them are not very easily re-usable or donatable. It is totally OK to take all or part of them to a charity shop as soon as they re-open after Christmas. I do!

They are not expensive enough 😬

If you go to a big gift opening event, then do you give gifts yourself? It can be very hard to see one person excluded, even if they excluded themselves, and it's also hard to get presents from someone and not give one back. You are cross everyone hasn't made you happy but you are not making them happy by refusing a gift, you are breaking the social norms which makes them uncomfortable.

I don't know the solution, just why it's happening. People aren't doing it to spite you, but because that's the social norm. You could agree no gifts between each pair of you if that would work.

Couldn’t agree more!

I was once given a handbag that a 7 year old would love but I'm in my late 50's.
It was very individual so had to donate it to a charity shop an hours drive away to be sure the gifter wouldn't see it locally.
It was all about what the gifter liked not about me at all.

I was once given an umbrella that was possibly a free gift with perfume, but that I liked. It was useful, pretty floral eesign and something I would not have spent money on.

I'm slightly with you OP.

Christmas to me is about goodwill to all men, giving to the needy, and winter feasting. It's all so capitalist now.

I don't want stuff I will have to find space for, in our overcrowded house, and I hate that the cost of living is rinsing my pockets yet my extended family keeps getting bigger which means more children to buy for.

I quite like gift giving, but only when it's a truly thoughtful gift to someone I know well enough and who would love to receive the gift I have got them. I abhor the idea of buying for the sake of buying. I'd much rather give to charities who will see that the people who need the money or the things get what they need on my behalf.

It causes a bit of stress to me, but it's not devastating. I would just accept it graciously and take it to the charity shop later in the week.

This thread just demonstrates that people give you gifts because they are just selfish.

Too selfish to respect your wishes when respecting it wouldn't allow them to tick their own boxes, be it expressing their feelings, keeping their own habits, feeding their feeling that the transaction when you give them a gift they actually want is completed.

Is there some cause you support?
Maybe asking them for dog food that you can take to the local rescue would be more respected as it wpuld allow them to come with a physical object and hopefully it will be something easy to donate.
It doesn't have to be dogs of course, hygiene and cosmetics for women's shelter sound even better.

Than you can even thank them - for supporting your cause.

My SIL buys a load of gifts from boots and then just assigns them to people with little thought. It’s annoying as especially as she demands specific gifts herself.

I agree with you! I am exactly the same! Am quite happy not to receive anything. DP and DS are the same too. If people are intent on buying me something, then please buy me something I can actually use!

I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I am physically disabled, so my house layout is designed in a way so that I can access things I am likely to need, therefore it's much more disorganised than I would actually like! I really don't need anything added!

You sound like you suck the joy out of everything if you object to even a simple cup of tea being made for you.
Lighten up! 🙄

We have asked for consumables only - food/drink or vouchers for restaurants/ cafes. Bath items also okay, so long as it’s something we use up. People are going to want to give, it’s how they show love. So let them, just make sure it’s stuff you can use.

Oh my God, I understand you. I feel the same. We have a small house. I don't like clutter. I don't like waste. I don't like presents (unless its something I have specifically asked for and need).

I do like when people gift me money though.

I would probably go the £5 scratch card route if I really wanted to say thank you to someone who didn’t want things - even if they lose they get a couple of minutes thinking what they’d spend the big win on (and more often than not win the £5 back!)

Haven’t read the whole thread but OP I’m so like you. I often say to people not to get me things, in fact the best gift to me would be if someone came to my house and took things away. I totally mean it. Nobody gets it though, they always think I’m joking, I’m not!! I definitely like being given gifts that I like/need though, so this is where I’m different from you. If there’s a type of hand cream or soap etc I like, I definitely like it if someone gets it for me as a gift. But not if it’s not my brand or if it’s things I don’t want. I too see that as ‘stress’ as it’s just cluttering up my space. I recently read that clutter can be sensory overload for some people, and that’s when I realised that’s me.

I’m with you on this one. It’s been the same for years…we’re in the process of getting ready to downsize house and have been absolutely ruthless with our things so I’m dreading what shit is going to land on us. I even gave the usual suspects 5 months warning to not buy us anything but instead to make a donation to the charity we are supporting this year. But again I find a pile of stuff sat under the tree.

I think most people find it uncomfortable to receive a gift and not give one in return.

Next year try letting people know you’re not doing presents at all, you might have a better outcome.

In the last period of her life, from being a people pleaser, DM turned into a right curmudgeon. She broke off lifelong friendships saying it was too much work, kept “perfectly good” threadbare clothes and dangerous appliances. Any offers of help were treated with suspicion and gifts were furiously refused or ostentatiously recycled.

It was a sign of depression.

I stuck all of the tat on Vinted last year. It took a while to upload it all as there was quite a bit but I actually made a pretty decent amount of money.

Thanks everyone. Just about to go to bed, but am smiling that my dislike for gifts means that I am autistic, have 'hyperindependence' (that's a new one on me, but of course it exists. Of course it does...), have depression and have low self esteem.

And those are just the medical things I have. I also have at least half a dozen unappealing personality traits. Sucking the joy from everything, for example. And being nonfunnat parties.

Ha! I am so good at parties.

I just don't like getting presents!!

Merry Christmas everyone!

Blimey, the armchair psychiatrists are out in force on this thread!

OP - of course it’s inappropriate for people to get you presents when you’ve explicitly said you don’t want anything. They’re ignoring your wishes in favour of their own comfort. If it doesn’t matter, why can’t they just not buy stuff? They should just donate to a charity! What’s with this bonkers compulsion to consume 😂

I relate to the PP who’s stressed about the amount of tat relatives (want to) buy for their DC, too. I try to minimise it, which can be awkward - I then have to store it, assess it, make trips to the charity shops with it. Why give me that work?? My 1yo has everything they need and far more!

I think you’re making it unnecessarily hard for yourself @Bestreached . Just tell everyone “I really don’t want any gifts. Genuinely! But if you must buy me something a nice bottle of wine would be great”. Then either drink the wine yourself, or just keep it and take it as a gift to the hosts next time you go to someone’s house for a meal. Job done. No extra stress or extra stuff lying around the house. Anyway… Merry Christmas!

Are you getting given piles of stuff OP? From friends as well as family? I have a small family and we only do token items which I think is nice. Don't think I've given or received a gift from a friend since school, that seems unnecessary for adults really.