Just to take lots of presents straight in the charity shop

[Bestreached]

I know I'm being ungrateful, but FFS please can everyone stop buying me shit I don't need! I have been so clear to everyone for years now that I don't want any presents. The acquisition of pointless stuff stresses me out. I have everything I want and need. I do not need more things, and if I ever do I can get them myself and don't need you to give me them on an arbitrary day!

I could not have been clearer with people. Much as I love you for thinking of me and putting the effort / expenditure in, please please please do not do it because I don't want you to. This isn't false modesty or whatever. I don't mind getting you stuff if you want. If you really do want to get the joy of giving, give to a charity on my behalf. I just do not want more things!! Argh!!!!

So AIBU to not even bother opening the many presents that my apparently deaf friends and relatives have got me and just take them straight to the charity shop? And if anyone thinks I'm being ungrateful and should think of all those people who want presents but don't get any, I would gladly give all of mine to them. Pick them up from the front garden in the morning.

I'm another minimalist who doesn't like getting gifts. It's a bit of a no win in that either you say to each other tell me what you want and then you might as well have bought it yourself (Martin Lewis's zero sum game) or you wait for a surprise and find out more about their tastes than yours. During the pandemic (Christmas 2020) I did get especially queasy about the whole thing and ask relatives to donate to charities instead but in more normal times you come across as a martyr/fun sponge.

I hate all the waste at Christmas especially the thoughtless gifts like toiletry sets. It's for the children/people with no means. But as with many things in life, I've come to accept there are certain social conventions that aren't getting turned around in my lifetime. I set up a charity bag before Christmas when I normally have a chance for a sort out anyway so unwanted gifts can go straight in there. It's just another Christmas chore and not something I get too worked up about.

Tell your friends you only wish to receive consumable gifts… nice things to eat or drink or even a book to read then pass on. I did and it worked. I do the same in return.

Do you have PDA? My husband and son have PDA and can't cope with gifts at all. Getting a gift is a demand as you are expected to open it and be polite.

My husband tells everyone he doesn't want presents. He throws them in the bin. I've fished presents out of the bin and opened them and regifted to people that can use them

YANBU I absolutely hate receiving presents because I never like them and then feel guilty. I’ve listed some stuff I’ve been given on Vinted already.

I absolutely feel the same way you do, and with the same amount of venom. Particularly I find it a burden to get rid of the excess stuff, like if you give me a gift you've given me the burden of how to dispose of the item. And I do think it's rude to get gifts for people if they've said emphatically that they don't want any.
However, I have gotten out of it by not giving either. I announced years ago that I no longer want to receive gifts and won't be getting anything for anyone either. Everyone in my family respects it! You say it's rude not to give someone a gift when they've asked for one, but if you announce you're not doing gifts anymore, hopefully nobody would be rude enough to ask you for something.

People are trying not to leave you out if you attend gatherings where group opening of gifts is a thing. If it’s very important to you then I think you’ll need to not attend and refuse all gifts given. People will get the message. They’re trying to avoid what would feel like excruciating rejection for most people. Pass on all holiday invites and return to sender a soon you shall be completely alone on Christmas with no gifts. Job done!

I do see that it is very annoying to be given gifts you don’t want. However, as you say, the solution is to pass them on to a charity shop or other good cause. I think you could do with reading through some of the posts on the “whose had a Christmas Eve Cry” thread to really understand what some people are having to cope with this Christmas.

Well hopefully one day you’ll end up in your own and the problem will solve itself.

It would be like going to a meal and complaining heartily when people expect you to eat…..

Part of me really really gets where you are coming from @Bestreached particularly if you have relatives who like to buy tat surprises! However, this is where the things you really do need but massively begrudge spending money on come into play as they make perfect gifts - I am grateful because I know I will need that thing at some point and doubly grateful because I did not have to spend money on it.
FWIW items that fall into this category for me are tights and socks, umbrellas, kitchen utensils like spatulas, gloves, tea towels and any form of tool e.g screwdrivers. It is a random list I grant you..

Could you not ask for a voucher for a shop you use frequently? Even a supermarket? I understand the frustration if you tell people what you want and they buy you other stuff but if you say you don't anything people feel awkward and still want to buy you things.

Do you enjoy the get together aside from the present giving? If not then why go? Stay at home with your jam and shower gel and chocolate you bought yourself!

I think you make lots of exceptions for friends who don’t always do things the way you would but you know there’s no malice in their behaviour. If making the effort to re-gift to people who would really benefit from those gifts is too much, maybe cut ties with these people. For me, I’m not much of a gift receiver but I’m happy to give a short list of practical things and not buys these bits for myself or receive an extra to save because it makes my friends happy and I know it’s meant with love. It saves me money later in the year. Yes I could and would buy my own but it doesn’t hurt me to accept their gift and by giving a list, it’s never things I dislike.

I get what you mean but everyone eats and drinks so just ask for one of those. Then it saves you buying it yourself.

Honestly OP. You just do you but also try and accept that people have self imposed laws over Christmas and if you break one, even unknowingly then that's you down for life.

This Christmas there have been threads about people liking generic gifts, people not liking generic gifts, people loving personal gifts and people hating them. People not wanting to do presents and people wanted to do piles of them. And on EVERY SINGLE one the OP been told they're "wrong".

Totally agree. I think we have found our winner for this year's prize for the most miserable person on earth.

I’m so with you.

I’ve opened my presents and honestly it’s just made me so sad. It’s just things, cheap monogrammed things I have no use for but charity can’t really use. The best gift I had was fine foods. While they’re not exactly to my taste, I’ll be able to use them.

Just so sad for the planet. And the slave labourers in the 3rd world that make this stuff that’s just gonna gather dust. And how people will have spent money on this that they could have put on their savings account.

I’m a highly minimalist woman, there’s not even a spare pair of socks in my drawers. What little I have is very expensive and curated to my very specific taste, eg something that’s an exact replica of something my gran had, or something I had when I was 17 and lost. I own nothing random. I never buy anything unless I know what it’s for, how I’ll wear/ use it, and it’s usually bespoke, vintage and/or responsibly sourced.

I’m going to have chats with friends and family closer to my birthday about how going forward I don’t want anything, and how we should instead spend money on experiences and time with each other.

Things have got to change. I’ve had enough now. Seeing all this random stuff every year just makes me sad. We’ve got to step off that hamster wheel of buying random stuff just because.

I’m just sad every Christmas while trying to put on a good face. Up late at night writing down thoughts like these. If it absolutely has to be a physical item, I’d sooner they buy a bottle of the shower gel I use, toothpaste, a bunch of bananas… Literally anything I have a use for would make me happier.

i love that you posted this as it’s made me feel like I’m not alone with these feelings. Thank you ❤️

Totally understand OP. They are just not be listening to you and that is sad.

It has taken me 20 years to get to the point where everyone knows that I don’t engage with Christmas. This year I got one card from a new neighbour…

Do whatever you wish. If people insist say you'd like them to gift a goat somewhere or sponsor a toilet on your behalf. These are useful things that won't clutter up your life.

Put them on Vinted. My PIL gifts end up there…

I haven’t received one single gift, from one single friend. My parents and partner will have bought me gifts and some extended family will have bought for the kids but I have not got a single gift from any friend. And you’re sat here complaining it’s too much. I appreciate you don’t want junk but fuck me look at the bigger picture.
It means you have a lot of people who care about you. My cousin is quite possibly having her last Christmas with her mum after a diagnosis her mum received last month. A friend of mine died on Monday at 40 leaving behind 3 kids, a few weeks after her diagnosis.
it could be worse than having too many presents

I actually agree with you. I am not a materialistic person and wish people wouldn't either. Luckily I receive very little so it's not too much of a problem. I borrow books from a library rather than buy, and crochet regularly. Other than that, I don't spend much money.

It's a stressful time of year and all these expectations are what makes it stressful.

You can always donate them to me as I won’t be getting a single one

Maybe if you did react angrily to their faces they would understand your frustration.

I don’t understand why the gift givers desire to gift seems to be more important than OPs desire not to receive?!?
one is vastly cheaper and better for the environment.
why inflict your gifts on others. I’m desperate to instigate a no adult gifts rule but as I have more kids than others it feels like my family unit would be “winning” and so I don’t feel I can. I’m team #buyyourownshit all the way.

Sounds like hyperindependence, particularly with your dislike of people doing favours for you. If you were my friend/relative and you explicitly said you really didn't want to receive presents, I would respect what you'd said. I suppose you have said it clearly? I.e. "I don't want to receive presents" and not just "I don't want anything," as this could be interpreted as "I don't want anything in particular."