Xmas Family kick off and we haven’t even met yet

[christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem]

Name changed as I’ve posted about most people involved before 😂. It’s Xmas eve and there’s been a royal kick off already.

we have a very turbulent family, lots of fall outs and stuff across the board but usually always centring around my grandmother (GM- whom I’ve posted about before and she was unanimously flamed)

My GM and her sister ( my great aunt - DGA) don’t speak, years and years of horrific fall outs, really evil nasty things, police involvement etc. to be honest 99% was my GMs doing for her own reasons whatever they may be.

my DM and I maintain a good relationship with DGA and are close, along with my siblings.

My GM is hosting dinner tomorrow (last minute as I was supposed to be hosting, I posted a thread about an incident and everyone told me to not host due to the way she’d behaved so I cancelled my hosting back in October). When I say hosting, it’s ended up we’re all cooking dinner and taking it round (I say all yet I’ve been left to do the turkey, potatoes, carrots, parsnips, Yorkshire puddings, stuffing!)

long story short, we (me, DC, siblings and DM) are meeting my DGA and her husband at 12pm at our local for a Xmas drink - I’ve spoken to my GM this afternoon to check quantities etc then got chatting about the day, I said my ex is picking DC up from the pub and then we’re heading to GMs. Well she’s absolutely hit the roof. Called us all two faced and snakes for seeing DGA. I told her I make no secret that I have a relationship with her so I’m certainly not two faced. She says well we can have dinner with DGA if we all love her so much. FWIW, my GM doesn’t drink and wouldn’t step foot in a pub.

following this my DM calls me shouting and ranting that I shouldn’t have told GM were seeing DGA. GM has called DM absolutely laying into her with “utter venom” in my DMs words. i said I refuse to tie myself in knots to conceal the fact I’ve had a drink with my aunt on Xmas day, I did NOT know it was a secret in the first place, and nor should I be expected to keep such when I’m an adult who can visit whomever I please. My other aunt then calls me (mums sibling who stands in solidarity with my GM) saying I was out of order for letting her know and it should’ve been kept a secret. Aunt is now trying to calm the situation so Xmas day isn’t cancelled.

It genuinely came up in normal conversation. I didn’t know it was a secret nor should I have to keep one!!! wtf? AIBU?

Ah well, you've got the dinner stuff at yours. Enjoy dinner together at yours with your kids and ex if they're also involved and adult and let the children argue amongst themselves, personally.

I couldn't deal with all this drama all the time, and when it's one main culprit usually causing it that would be an easy solve for me.

But I like a quiet calm life, and I will cut people out who don't meet that. Not everyone does.

My kids asked me the other day how we know so many kind, lovely people. I answered it's because they're the only people that are allowed to stick around in our lives!

Fuck that, I'd stop in. You have the dinner. Let them all sort themselves out.

Well if they hate each other why did you tell her. You could have just said you were going to the pub for a drink. She did over react though. I couldn’t be arsed with that. I would eat my dinner at home and let her at it.

What’s the point of this thread? You’ve said you’ve posted about family drama before, what makes you think the responses are going to be any different? You have an unstable, chaotic family. They’re doing more unstable, chaotic things. Why on earth you are shocked, is beyond me. There’s been police involvement- of course things in your family have reached the point of no return.

I don’t understand why you’re all having dinner at your grandmas if you loathe her so much.

Oh believe me I’ve no issue cutting her off. It’s everybody else that makes a fuss and essentially guilt trips me into having a relationship. We’ve only made up last week over the previous incident (which I really didn’t want to but here we are). She is ALWAYS at the center of the drama. But I’m from a family where it’s seen as “family is family no matter how they behave”. I don’t hold the same values, but now because I don’t make an effort to conceal things such as this I’m seen as the troublemaker!

I’d skip this dinner at GM as it seems all it will involve is recriminations. Invite the people you like and who can keep the peace over to yours and have a calm Christmas

Agree with this post completely and the final paragraph is exactly what I'm trying to create in my own life, hats off to you *Apocketfilledwithposies! *

Because it came up in conversation. She knows my DGA will be at the pub, we wouldn’t be going otherwise. So even though I didn’t explicitly say my Dga name she immediately knew. Why should I lie?

To know if I was unreasonable for not lying about what I was doing and/or concealing my plans for the day

You weren’t unreasonable about not lying - you were a bit unreasonable expecting things to go smoothly.

You already KNOW you’re not unreasonable! The only unreasonable thing you’re doing is spending Christmas with this bunch of horrible people. Do you actually enjoy all this drama?

Do your own Xmas at your own home. Invite the people you will enjoy spending time with. Accept whatever invitations you think you will enjoy.

Anyone who causes an issue - 'I am not going to get involved in other people's arguments and I am not going to keep secrets. I am.not going to discuss it any further. Have a lovely Christmas, and I look forward to seeing you in the New Year'. Then end the call and don't answer until the New Year.

Stay home and have a peaceful Christmas....it sounds like a living hell trying to keep everyone happy! 🎄❤️🎄

You are addicted to the drama op, not surprising if it's all you've known. But, it's all choice at this point. Make the same ones, get the same results.

YABU as you could have said nothing about the pub. Now your poor mum has had her abusive parent screaming down the phone at her which could have been avoided. You caused the drama here. It sounds like you deliberately stirred this up.

I voted YABU for entertaining all this nonsense, and for being a mug cooking and taking the whole meal.

Why are you all terrified of this horrible old woman?

Who could be bothered with this level of repeated drama? If I was you I would be seriously questioning why I keep joining in with it. Are you on some level enjoying it? Why are you asking if you abu? You know you’re not. Seriously, life is too short.

I couldn’t be doing with this nonsense. Like a PP we don’t have people in our lives that cause drama. Just cut her out and be done with it OP, if you don’t want to do that just have dinner at your own house.

You have to just step back from the drama completely. Have a drink with your aunt, if you want, then dinner at yours.

No need to get involved in this drama.

(I have a similarly toxic, dysfunctional family and this time of year is hard when they step up the manipulation, but I'm just not playing their games anymore)

Well enjoy the peace at your own home tomorrow but I bet that the aunts and mum will try and smooth things over because you’ve got all the food and you were going to prepare it all!!! You need to be more assertive and take yourself out of the drama if you don’t want the same cycle to continue.

I think I’d be walking away from the endless drama. Let them all get on with it and have dinner in peace.

Crikey! I'd be having Christmas at home and leaving everyone else to their drama.

I honestly couldn't cope with the stress of so much drama!

You shouldn’t have said anything, you must have known that this would happen if you did. There is a difference between telling a lie and not saying anything.

If I were you I’d have Christmas at home and not go, tell them now so that they can get to the shops to buy their Christmas dinner and you can get to the shops to buy what you don’t have.