Xmas Family kick off and we haven’t even met yet

[christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem]

Name changed as I’ve posted about most people involved before 😂. It’s Xmas eve and there’s been a royal kick off already.

we have a very turbulent family, lots of fall outs and stuff across the board but usually always centring around my grandmother (GM- whom I’ve posted about before and she was unanimously flamed)

My GM and her sister ( my great aunt - DGA) don’t speak, years and years of horrific fall outs, really evil nasty things, police involvement etc. to be honest 99% was my GMs doing for her own reasons whatever they may be.

my DM and I maintain a good relationship with DGA and are close, along with my siblings.

My GM is hosting dinner tomorrow (last minute as I was supposed to be hosting, I posted a thread about an incident and everyone told me to not host due to the way she’d behaved so I cancelled my hosting back in October). When I say hosting, it’s ended up we’re all cooking dinner and taking it round (I say all yet I’ve been left to do the turkey, potatoes, carrots, parsnips, Yorkshire puddings, stuffing!)

long story short, we (me, DC, siblings and DM) are meeting my DGA and her husband at 12pm at our local for a Xmas drink - I’ve spoken to my GM this afternoon to check quantities etc then got chatting about the day, I said my ex is picking DC up from the pub and then we’re heading to GMs. Well she’s absolutely hit the roof. Called us all two faced and snakes for seeing DGA. I told her I make no secret that I have a relationship with her so I’m certainly not two faced. She says well we can have dinner with DGA if we all love her so much. FWIW, my GM doesn’t drink and wouldn’t step foot in a pub.

following this my DM calls me shouting and ranting that I shouldn’t have told GM were seeing DGA. GM has called DM absolutely laying into her with “utter venom” in my DMs words. i said I refuse to tie myself in knots to conceal the fact I’ve had a drink with my aunt on Xmas day, I did NOT know it was a secret in the first place, and nor should I be expected to keep such when I’m an adult who can visit whomever I please. My other aunt then calls me (mums sibling who stands in solidarity with my GM) saying I was out of order for letting her know and it should’ve been kept a secret. Aunt is now trying to calm the situation so Xmas day isn’t cancelled.

It genuinely came up in normal conversation. I didn’t know it was a secret nor should I have to keep one!!! wtf? AIBU?

Maybe it is shit stirring.

For myself I prefer relationships based on honesty. If two people are Not Speaking then I am not going to try to bring them together. But I am not going to play along either. I am happy to be clear to both of them that their falling out is nothing to do with me, and they can't dictate who speak to.

I'd rather not drag other innocent parties (I.e. OP's mum) into stressful and difficult situations because I was unwilling or unable to exercise a bit of tact.

“Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.” George Bernard Shaw

The good thing about you making all the food is that you don’t need to go anywhere tomorrow. I would just stay at home, cook and eat your Christmas dinner with your kids, and not bother about the rest of them.

@christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem plenty left at the shops. Cook two lots, dump theirs round GMs and leave them all to it. Otherwise this is going to keep happening. Have dinner with DGA and rest of family. They need to get the message you’re not putting up with this any longer.

Ah I remember. The cat killing grandma that you refused to report to the police or RSPCA. And now you’re cooking her Christmas dinner! Wow.

I've only read OP posts and the first page of responses.

Am I the only one wondering how on earth you're cooking and supplying a hot roast dinner if you're going to the pub for a drink and going straight from there to your GM's? I get stressed with all the timings and trying to get everything from the oven to the table hot, on time and not over cooked. I don't know how I'd incorporate a visit to the pub in there too.

OP'S mum is not an innocent party if she us pressurising the OP to take sides.

OP'S Mum should be telling her own mother she won't get involved, not dumping on the OP

This.

Nobody is getting dragged in. My GM is the type to despise “liars” so if I’d have concealed the truth and she were to find out it would’ve been months of her saying we’re all liars and backstabbers and no one mentioned it because “we know what’s good for us” as if we’re scared.

DM has just been around and we talked I basically said fuck GM and her feelings and DM agreed. I won’t pander to bullying.

It’s not easy but I have oodles of professional catering equipment as I’m usually the host for any occasion. It’s stressful but it’s fine

To be honest you’re right. My mum, whilst not insisting I go to GM, was definitely applying pressure for contact with her. My mum (who I’ve also posted about and was unanimously told she’s insane about cleaning) caved to having it at hers then backtracked and said she didn’t want the mess. All of this is due to me absolutely insisting I don’t mind being alone and that I’d be spending the day alone. But here we are I guess

Can you just not ALL forget historic dramas, and just have a nice day?

How soon before she realises she's cutting off her nose to spite her face?

Next time you get chance - just tell DGM to stop being a vicious old windbag, put a fucking sock in it and grow the fuck up, and that you will not hear another bad word said about DGA just as you won’t tolerate DGA badmouthing DGM. That you will not discuss her with DGM any more and will not engage in any further conversation on the matter.

That may take some steam out of her sails.

DM has just been around and we talked I basically said fuck GM and her feelings and DM agreed.

Of course she agreed-she's wanting some food tomorrow!

I won’t pander to bullying.

Is your mum not also a bully?

All of this is due to me absolutely insisting I don’t mind being alone and that I’d be spending the day alone. But here we are I guess

Looks like your insisting skills need some work!

For heaven sake just don't go, let them fight it out between them. People like your GM get appeased too much, these ways should not be tolerated, why should you conceal things. Just let her rant, you will have a better day at home with most of the dinner.

Oh the mum who thinks that a box of toys emptied onto the floor makes a house "filthy"? I have an aunt like that. She is insane too.

Look, you h ave the food at yours, just stay at home. Invite your mum and any siblings you want to and dont carry on with this charade.

GM behaves like this as no one gives her any consequences. Well a Xmas dinner of beans on toast should teach her that you wont be bullied, even if it wont stop her being a total fucking bitch. She should at least back off from you.

You have the upper hand, both morally and culinary since you have the turkey! Just enjoy Christmas with the people you like who don’t need to make every little thing into a drama.

Why should you lie? Because this drama will inevitably be the result of hearing that you are meeting her sworn enemy. You didn't need to lie though, you just needed to not mention the trip to the pub. 'Sorting things out for Christmas, a bit of last minute shopping' is all she needed to know if she asked you about your day.

I'd tell them all to do one and tell them they can sort their own meal. YOu're not coming.

What a shit show . No way would I engage with that nonsense. Shut your door and have a peaceful Christmas in your own home .

Op your acting all innocent like you didn’t know it would cause a drama. “ I didn’t know it was a secret” no but you knew the 2 women hate each other, “ as an adult I should t have to keep a secret” no but as an adult you need to take responsibility for shit stirring. If you didn’t want the drama you would have kept who you were meeting out of the conversation, it’s not that hard to just not say your meeting someone the person your speaking to hates.

But the OP then said that the when the GM finds out, which she made sound inevitable, she will brand OP a two faced back stabbing liar for not telling GM that she was meeing GA. So it sounds like the OP is damned whatever she does. The OPs mother said that GM has been bubbling away for an explosion for days, so if it hadnt been this it would have something else.

So in that situation I would be honest too. Might as well show that I wont hide away to try and apease her.