Xmas Family kick off and we haven’t even met yet

[christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem]

Name changed as I’ve posted about most people involved before 😂. It’s Xmas eve and there’s been a royal kick off already.

we have a very turbulent family, lots of fall outs and stuff across the board but usually always centring around my grandmother (GM- whom I’ve posted about before and she was unanimously flamed)

My GM and her sister ( my great aunt - DGA) don’t speak, years and years of horrific fall outs, really evil nasty things, police involvement etc. to be honest 99% was my GMs doing for her own reasons whatever they may be.

my DM and I maintain a good relationship with DGA and are close, along with my siblings.

My GM is hosting dinner tomorrow (last minute as I was supposed to be hosting, I posted a thread about an incident and everyone told me to not host due to the way she’d behaved so I cancelled my hosting back in October). When I say hosting, it’s ended up we’re all cooking dinner and taking it round (I say all yet I’ve been left to do the turkey, potatoes, carrots, parsnips, Yorkshire puddings, stuffing!)

long story short, we (me, DC, siblings and DM) are meeting my DGA and her husband at 12pm at our local for a Xmas drink - I’ve spoken to my GM this afternoon to check quantities etc then got chatting about the day, I said my ex is picking DC up from the pub and then we’re heading to GMs. Well she’s absolutely hit the roof. Called us all two faced and snakes for seeing DGA. I told her I make no secret that I have a relationship with her so I’m certainly not two faced. She says well we can have dinner with DGA if we all love her so much. FWIW, my GM doesn’t drink and wouldn’t step foot in a pub.

following this my DM calls me shouting and ranting that I shouldn’t have told GM were seeing DGA. GM has called DM absolutely laying into her with “utter venom” in my DMs words. i said I refuse to tie myself in knots to conceal the fact I’ve had a drink with my aunt on Xmas day, I did NOT know it was a secret in the first place, and nor should I be expected to keep such when I’m an adult who can visit whomever I please. My other aunt then calls me (mums sibling who stands in solidarity with my GM) saying I was out of order for letting her know and it should’ve been kept a secret. Aunt is now trying to calm the situation so Xmas day isn’t cancelled.

It genuinely came up in normal conversation. I didn’t know it was a secret nor should I have to keep one!!! wtf? AIBU?

Cook and eat dinner at yours. Family members who can act like reasonable adults get to come. You've done nothing wrong.

Will your dm cut you off if you don’t go to your gm’s place for lunch? Given how much you’re cooking, I’d get your ex to bring the dc to yours and stay home, quite honestly. Your gm sounds poisonous. I would have nothing further to do with her. Presuming dc are old enough to maintain contact should they so desire?

Honestly sod the lot of them! Grown women behaving like Regina George and Gretchen Wieners 😆 they should be curling up with embarrassment. Like fuck would I be involved in keeping secrets and Chinese whispers.

Happily you’ve already got the ingredients for a nice Christmas dinner, thanks to the helpful policy of deleting all the work to you, so I would stay at home and ignore them all. They can see you when they’re ready to grow up and apologise.

Enjoy your dinner at home (considering you paid for the whole lot) and leave them to argue amongst what they can cobble together at the last minute. I wouldn't have anybody speak to me like that, certainly not when I'd done absolutely nothing wrong. I'd send them all a message saying you won't be attending and then hide all their messages until after Christmas. Fuck them. Time to start a New Year without bullshit and with boundaries.

Fucking hell. Your family sound utterly exhausting. Think I would have the turkey myself at home and say to hell with the lot of them. Bunch of infantile, self obsessed morons. Pour yourself a large drink. You've done nothing wrong.

To answer those asking if I enjoy the drama, of course not.

my point is, I am not one to conceal the truth I’m very upfront. And I don’t mean that as someone who says “I don’t mince my words” when they’re just nasty. I try to keep the peace as much as possible but I won’t feel like I have to lie to appease people whether that makes me a troublemaker or not.

its not a big conspiracy against my GM, who by all measures is a VERY difficult person. Both my mum and aunt have just said on the call she’s been waiting to explode for days, it’s a regular thing so this has just gave her the perfect reason. She’s been gunning for my mum all week over one thing or another. She is a very difficult and not very nice person.

obviously I can’t just invite people I like now as everyone has plans. No one would leave my GM alone anyway.

You need to drop the rope.

have a relationship with the people you value in your life, and you give as much to you as you to them.

anyone expecting you to justify yourself or us/them etc is a drain on your life and you would be unreasonable to enable them

You have done nothing wrong. You are an adult and there is no need to lie about who you are meeting because your GM dislikes them. It sounds as though the family have pandered to bullying GM for far too long!
You have the Christmas food - if I were you I’d stay at home with my kids for a lovely relaxed home cooked dinner. Maybe your great aunt might like to join you!
Don’t get drawn into this circus..

Why? She sounds like she deserves to be left alone. You reap what you sow. If you treat people like shit, you should be on your own, not pandered to like a spoilt brat. I'd not be seeing her again. Do yourself a favour and cut all this out of your life for 2026.

Fuck that for a bag of chips.

I'd be staying home. Guess they'll have to figure out their own turkey, spuds, stuffing and carrots won't they.

I don't understand why you say you're upfront and honest but then just roll over and go along with the 'family are family whatever' line - when you don't agree with it and can't stand your GM.

Why aren't you being honest and upfront about that and telling everyone you're not pandering to GM or doing this shit anymore? It's up to them if they want to carry on the pantomime.

And why on earth aren't you having Christmas dinner with grand aunt instead?

Your family is an absolute joke. All these grown adults tying themselves in knots to keep the main bullies happy!
Is this the same grandmother from a previous thread who takes delight in poisoning all the local cats? 🤔
At this point you are choosing to participate in this absolute nonsense so - sorry - you deserve all the drama you involve yourself in.
Cut them all off and walk away. There’s no love here. It’s a performance. A hierarchy where no one can be happy except the dictators at the top, who delight in making everyone else miserable.
There’s something really wrong with you if you want to be a part of that.
Yes I sound harsh, but you’ve posted before yet you’re behaving the same and expecting a different outcome. You are addicted to this drama cycle whatever you say about it.

I know I am enjoying reading about this drama... hic.

Peak social media.

:-)

Sod them, you have the turkey dinner, you’re sorted!

Well, do you think you were unreasonable? It seems you don’t, so…🤷🏼‍♀️

You poor thing, your family sound mental. Honestly I'd revert to hosting at yours but just have your DGA and her husband over, and let the rest of them sort themselves out.

if it wasn’t so outing I’d post the thread of texts from everyone begging me to see gm on the day. I had absolutely no intention of joining in with Christmas or any of this drama, only for the sake of my mum and siblings (who I’d like to spend Xmas with and don’t want to deprive myself of that) I’d be spending it alone or with my DGA and her husband. My whole extended family have begged me and one has even bribed me with my favourite champagne to go to my GMs. I’ve only decided in the last 3 days I’d be going and have now been left to basically cook the dinner (not to toot my own horn but I’m a fantastic cook and known amongst friends and family for being that so it’s not wonder it’s all been left to me!)

Interesting what you’ve picked up on here though, you’ve a sharp memory!

Oh this is all too much drama.

Are you one of those families who seem to operate on constant drama?
You've got food. Stay at home and away from them.

I don't think you should have lied to your GM but you could have avoided saying anything about meeting up with your DGA. You knew how she would react. You could have talked about all the food prep you are doing or steered the conversation in lots of other directions. Or do you think she had an inkling that you would be doing something with your DGA and just wanted verification so she could kick off?

This 1000% with Christmas jingle bells on for good measure

I have a sharp memory because I’m you in a different family.
The difference is that my mother is the main culprit and I have strong boundaries.
You've been bribed with your favourite champagne whilst I know I’m being disinherited from £700K+ assets because my own peace and morals mean more to me than anything or anyone on this earth.
You’ve been bribed once so they’ll continue to do so. Your own mother sounds awful if she’s willing to scream down the phone at you for having an open & honest conversation - not sure why you’re hanging on to her either to be honest.

I’m just horrified that you’re having Yorkshire pudding with turkey

You're not being unreasonable, but you would be unreasonable to go still round to your grandmother's for Christmas Dinner.

As you are doing the turkey, potatoes, carrots, parsnips, Yorkshire puddings, stuffing, just cook them at home and invite your DGA round after the pub for Christmas Dinner.

The rest of them will have a very sparse Christmas Dinner and it will serve them all right for being such drama queens and pandering to your toxic grandmother.

Yeah. But the cooker would break, or the water would be cut off.

I want to go to hide in the shed just reading this. But I know that would start an argument as well.

I am not serious posting of course. Tis the season and all that.

The person who had a drink with her great aunt is also the person who is cooking Xmas lunch. It's a package deal. They can't pick the bits of you that they find acceptable.

Let them know that if having a drink with your great aunt makes you unacceptable, then they are making your food and cooking unacceptable , so you will stay at home.