To be upset about Christmas?

[andanotherproblem]

I have a 1.5 year old and it’s DP’s year to work, me and DD are going to my parents. I was going to get a taxi but they insisted on giving us a lift, now another family member will be passing us around 1 so they have asked her to pick us up along the way. DD goes to bed at 7 and we live 30-40 minutes away so would have to leave around 6. I feel upset by this as we will be spending majority of the day alone now, aibu to just not even bother going?

Why is everyone taking about hosts and guests? It’s parents and child situation, I really don’t get the invite/accept thing.

Well either text them to say you have sorted a taxi, as you’d like to get there earlier. Or let your little one stay up later.

Ok but now that you know, can you not get a taxi? Just call around many will be operating tomorrow, or use uber etc

Can you be clear on what your issue is?

You don't feel welcome to arrive early?
Or
You do feel welcome but relative is controlling?

If it's the former try not to take it personally. Your parents probably just want some peace on the morning of a long day.

I do think you can never make everyone happy with Christmas. OP is upset bc they will only spend 5 hours at parents for Christmas. Whereas hosting is extremely stressful, their parents likely see it as helpful that the family member can take the lift off their plate, and likely just want some time in the morning to get things ready without the pressure of hosting simultaneously.

Exactly. Arriving around 1pm sounds perfect if you are invited to somebody's house and perfect for the hosts too. I don't understand the OP saying they will be alone for most of the day. Get up,have a nice breakfast,get ready and it soon will be time to be picked up.Plus,I assume that the husband will be back from work in the evening?

I think you're looking at it the wrong way. Surely it's better the family member will pick you up rather than a stranger, and you can use/fit your car seat, it will much less stress for you surely? I'd rather have the relaxing morning, knowing I'd be picked up and then get to go home again at a certain time. And then get to do 2nd Christmas day with partner! Honestly, sounds ideal to me. I'd be thrilled considering the circumstances of your partner working. But I'm a homebody so I'd prefer to see no one else on Christmas day apart from my spouse and child.

It doesn't make sense to me either, have a lazy morning or get up go for a walk with LO and it will be 1pm before you know it.

Give parents time to themselves inc opening their gifts to each other, sorting dinner.

Don't be like the MIL that thinks 6am is an acceptable time to rock up, even 9am is really early others are saying 12 would be more civilised

Stick with your presumably booked taxi. Since when does the family member get to decide your timings?! Stop being such a doormat!

How about the host ie her parents have decided what time suits them?

Are they to be doormats to suit Op?
1pm is hardly late in the day. They are maybe anticipating it being a really late night, the drink starts flowing as soon as folk walk in the door. Would you want guests rocking up on Christmas morning 🌄

Certainly not at 6am! 🤣 I am another who could turn up earlier at my parents’ place and presumably op had already booked a taxi for a certain time and told (asked) her parents. I empathise that she’s now been told later and her dp is working and she will be alone for longer according to what she’s posted.

My sister has a young child (5) and we are all having Xmas at my mums. My sister wanted to stay the night before and my mum has been so worried about telling her she doesn't want them there because she has so much to do in the morning and with them there its just so much harder as the child is constantly wanting attention from Grandma. Its been really stressing my mum out. Perhaps they dont want you there all morning but dont know how to tell you?

Yes you are being unreasonable. If it doesn’t suit get a taxi then??

Honestly you'll arrive just in time for a nice lunch and won't be expected to pitch in.. I think I'd getup and have a nice time with my daughter and then get collected and dropped to my parents for a nice dinner ..your daughter could probably stay up a bit later for one day as well.
I think maybe you're over thinking this a little . I would quite like a few peaceful hours in the morning

Get a taxi. Stay over. Kiddo stays up. Not a day only for you!

You are choosing to leave at 6:00 p.m. nothing bad is going to happen if he falls asleep there and you take him home in his pyjamas or stay over at your mums if you can,really this is a non issue

Get over yourself.
I'm at the hospital visiting a friend.
Visiting hours are 11am-8pm
I'm here so I can sit with one of her children while her partner takes the other one in, because it's 2 visitors max so he can't take both together.
They have no family nearby.
SHE will be spending most of the day alone, You will not.

Honestly take a deep breath and try to go with the flow. Your parents will likely have their reasons, they want to make it special for you and be able to enjoy their grandchild. You’re very lucky.

Yip the lack of respect for the Ops parents on this thread is mental
They could have a zillon reasons for not wanting visitors on Christmas morning. Preparing dinner, factoring in chill time to themselves, not wanting DD to see them in PJs, personal gifts to each other.

If it was a MIL thread it would all ne very different.

Maybe her parents don’t want that!

Your partner should have got a taxi to work today and left you with the car

It’s Xmas, no need for 7pm bedtime.

It’s Christmas! Arriving at their house before 2pm is hardly spending the majority of the day alone 🙄 plus, why does your child have to stick to a 7pm bedtime? It’s Christmas! Loosen up and live a little..it’s a time for family! You’ll regret it one day when they’re no longer around…coming from someone who has lost both parents, enjoy them and spend as much time as you can with them..

I would just be honest about how you’re feeling and ask if it’s ok if you come earlier, as assume was the original arrangement until this relative offered a lift?

To all the people saying just keep little one up longer, no, simply no. You know your child and you know whether they will cope with this, or whether they’ll have a meltdown, be up half the night inconsolable, have nightmares, a stupid early wake up, be so unbearably grumpy that it’s pointless keeping them up beyond their usual bedtime, or any other reason. Put it this way, as an adult would you go to a party if they said “by the way you’re not allowed to leave until 2am” or whatever a ridiculous bedtime would be for you? No, you probably wouldn’t. So why do we expect our littlest people, who are most ill equipped to deal with this to “be flexible” just because “it’s the holidays”. Selfish adults.

So what's the issue then if you're having your proper Christmas on boxing day?