To be upset about Christmas?

[andanotherproblem]

I have a 1.5 year old and it’s DP’s year to work, me and DD are going to my parents. I was going to get a taxi but they insisted on giving us a lift, now another family member will be passing us around 1 so they have asked her to pick us up along the way. DD goes to bed at 7 and we live 30-40 minutes away so would have to leave around 6. I feel upset by this as we will be spending majority of the day alone now, aibu to just not even bother going?

What’s your relationship like with your family? I moved out almost 20 years ago, but once I get to my parents it feels like being home. I turn up and leave when I want so on that basis I would ring my dad say, I really want to come earlier, can you come get me at 11? But if he couldn’t I would get a taxi. I would also allow my 1.5 yo to fall asleep there when she was tired and ask DP to pick us up on way home from work. But having spent years alternating between parents for Christmas dinner, when that came to an end during Covid, I did realise that I did actually like the morning in my own house, going at our own pace so depending on what time your LO gets up, I would factor in a couple of hours with her, if you are not doing big presents on the day you could still have a Christmassy breakfast or something.

Wait, you will be there for over four hours. That’s enough! Certainly for your kid. And maybe for your parents!

I’m actually in a similar position to you Op and have been every year since DS was born (I’m a single parent but he’s a little older now) my dsis invites us over to hers but not until 2pm start (she wants the morning to prepare) I wouldn’t dream of trying to invite myself earlier because she’d agree to be nice but be secretly stressed out by it.
Even though your parents would probably agree if you rang them and explained how hard you will find it to solo parent your DD for the morning, it seems as though this is something that will be repeated over the years. If DH has to work. So, why not start now creating a few Christmas traditions of your own for the morning? A nice breakfast, a stocking of fun things to explore (big presents tomorrow still) a walk, church?
Relying on your parents to entertain you both may well work for this year but becoming a little more independent might work better for you for the future.
my Ds is a teenager now and I miss those little moments.

It’s not rude to explain to the parents how you feel and ask, what is rude though is what many posters have suggested which is to simply refuse the lift and insist on arriving earlier regardless of what the parents want.
That’s not being “assertive” that’s treating others as if what they want and need is unimportant compared to your own needs.

Rewind. The OP made plans with her parents for an earlier collection and a longer day at theirs. A relative - not the parents - called to say they would he passing by at 1pm and would pick her up then instead. The OPs plans were changed without her agreement. Assertive is saying no thanks, and going back to the parents. Nothing rude at all about it.

Get the taxi.

Get a taxi there and god forbid let your child stay up a little later on Christmas Day! Could you not stay the night at your parents? Be a bit more flexible on Xmas day and have fun. Merry Christmas x

Christ alive, just pick up the phone and speak to your mum!

So just let them know you don't need a lift and get a taxi instead? And if you need to put your daughter down at 7 put her down to sleep. She surely doesn't have to be in her own bed??

Seems like you're having a sulk because someone's suggested doing it in a slightly different way than you want really.

You’re a grown up. Say no, that you’d rather get a taxi but thanks anyway.

Also in the camp of a quiet morning and a late bed for DC though.

I agree

Op, stop being a wet blanket and actually speak to your parents for goodness sake!!!

I fail to see the issue 1 is not late to be picked up and you don’t need to stick rigidly to bedtime .

As someone who has hosted Xmas day for years 1 pm sounds about right!
I was a LP and liked Xmas morning just me and dc. We had our own traditions, then later extended family and chaos, then everyone gone by 8 so I could put my feet up and watch Call the midwife!
Also OP your child is a baby still and won’t actually know the difference.

So? Just book a taxi and cancel this lift.

If you are not paying, then I guess you have to accommodate. So book your own taxi, pay for it yourself, and you have control over the arrangements 🤷🏻‍♀️

What time were your parents meant to be picking you up?

Chances are they weren’t planning on picking you up until roughly that time anyway.

Just speak to them and say X said they’re picking you up at 1 but you’re happier to come earlier.

Are your parents cooking?
It can be quite a lot to cook and host and pick people up too.
If someone else is driving then it makes sense for them to do it.

Get a taxi or ask DH to drop you off.

Your Xmas is on Boxing Day and so it doesn’t really matter if you’re alone on Xmas day morning.

I think your post is pretty silly - you are looking for a reason for things to be rubbish. Unless there is a back story, how are you able to explain on MN that you are unhappy, and not your parents. Or do you know they will react the same as many on here and tell you to get a taxi and stop being a wimp about your child having to go to bed at 7am. There are ways around all your problems. They are not even problems!

I agree with everyone saying book the taxi. It’s never good to be dependent on lifts any way - autonomy is generally the way to go.

Speak to your mum and then book a taxi to suit you & parents. (Taxi will need good advance warning so don’t delay )

Take babies sleep gear with you so you can get her/him ready for bed at mums? I used to visit my mum & get baby ready at her place.

Baby/toddler would fall asleep in car going home so I’d pop sleepy head straight into bed when we reached home. It meant I could spend a bit longer at mums.

Would that work?

This is all a bit pathetic, OP. You are a grown adult with a child of your own and should be capable of communicating your preferences to other adults. If this timing doesn’t work for you, let your mother know and either ask for an earlier lift or take some initiative and book a taxi. Be responsible for yourself - you’re acting as if you have no agency.

Why can't you cope with one child on your own for a few hours?

Morning at home, back for bedtime. Sounds fine to me

Honestly, don't think this is a big issue at all

If this was a reverse thread and hosts were saying someone is turning up hours before they want them, then everyone would agree the guest was out of order. They'll be prepping and a toddler isnt helpful!

You will have a minimum of 4 1/2 hours with them, more if you have some flex on your child's bedtime. I don't see that as not worth going for.