To be upset about Christmas?

[andanotherproblem]

I have a 1.5 year old and it’s DP’s year to work, me and DD are going to my parents. I was going to get a taxi but they insisted on giving us a lift, now another family member will be passing us around 1 so they have asked her to pick us up along the way. DD goes to bed at 7 and we live 30-40 minutes away so would have to leave around 6. I feel upset by this as we will be spending majority of the day alone now, aibu to just not even bother going?

I think this would be quite rude actually, your parents have invited you round for Christmas Day and are presumably cooking lunch. They have also organised you a lift. My take on the situation is that they want the morning to themselves to cook, clean and have a bit of quiet time before the (nice) madness of Christmas starts. Cooking lunch with a toddler underfoot is very stressful so maybe they want to avoid that. If you really can’t manage for the morning on your own then there’s no harm in explaining that to them and asking if you can get a taxi over earlier but those posters suggesting that you insist on arriving at a time that suits you are being incredibly entitled…try to see this from your parent’s perspective too Op and talk to them.

Sounds to me like your parents want a bit of chill time xmas morning.

For some reason I misread and thought they were picking you up at 6pm! 1-6 sounds like plenty of time to me. Hopefully that means your dd will be able to nap before too. I wouldn’t want a guest much longer than that or to be a guest for the whole day with my baby.

Aren’t you going to be having your Christmas dinner there?

So your real Christmas Day is on Boxing Day with your DH?

Honestly in that case I would just accept the family lift, and have Christmas lunch with your parents and the afternoon.

I can see why an hour and 20 mins return journey on Christmas morning when they are prepping lunch is something they would avoid if another relative is passing yours anyway. And a taxi would have been extortionate, that distance on Christmas Day.

Surely your daughter doesn't have to go to bed at 7pm. There's usually flexibility around Christmas and going on holiday. She might even go to sleep in the car on the way home. I'd get her ready before leaving and, if she did go to sleep, put her straight to bed on arrival. If she wakes keep her downstairs with you, playing for a while, until she drops off again. She is eighteen months old, not a new born. Don't be so fixed in your routine, it's Christmas.

Do go, you'll have a lovely time.

Because she’s a guest at their house

Kindly OP, other people don't tell you how things go. You decide.

'we going to pick you up at 1pm'

'thanks for the offer but that's too late for us, I don't want to spend the morning alone. We'll get a cab much earlier and see you there! Bye'

Nearly New Year, new assertive you.

If you and dh are doing Christmas on boxing day then it is just a normal morning. Have a chilled morning, take her for a walk then go at 1pm. If you arrive at 1.40 and leave at 6pm (if you dont want to have later bedtime) that is still a big chunk of the day and a lovely family meal.

Would also feel like you are punishing grandparents for the travel plan being slightly different. I expect they mentioned you were coming and relative offered to collect as passing anyway rather than lots arranged without you.

Yep exactly

If you can't get one at this stage, just go for 4 hours and get the taxi next time.

Erm, this would work if Op was the one hosting but “don’t let other people tell you want to do” when those other people are the hosts who invited you is madness.

Imagine that in any other scenario “we’d love you to come to dinner on Friday, come at 7pm we’ll eat at 8pm)

Op, oh no I never let other people tell me what to do so I’ll be arriving at 5.30pm.

I'm on the fence, I think if your parents were chomping at the bit to have you over as early as possible they'd have encouraged you to get a taxi over early.

They've actively arranged you a lift at 1pm instead, and I'd read this as them wanting a bit of space until then.

Why don't you ring them and tell them that you don't want to be alone Christmas morning so you'd like to head over earlier in a cab, or if that doesn't work for them you'll make other arrangements (then you can plan to bake, or feed the ducks or craft or walk round the neighbourhood doing random acts of kindness, whatever). Talk to them, tell them how you feel, find out how they feel. Move forward.

Exactly. many posters seem to be forgetting her parents are the ones hosting!

I bet your parents don’t realize how weepy you’re feeling about Christmas alone and are just arranging an easy ride for the dinner. Get the taxi, and if DC is making preparations tricky, take her to grandma’s park or cuddle up and watch numberblocks on your phone

Ignore pps. Your parents were obviously going to collect you earlier than 1pm. I am sure the new plan is just a convenience thing rather than they don't want you there earlier. But again, be assertive and ask them.

Have you asked if you can come around earlier OP? If so, I would get a taxi.

This is how I have read the situation too.

And did you tell them thank you but that doesn't work for you?

Why does op decide? She's the guest, it would be so bad mannered to just turn up in the morning if her parents have planned for 1pm.

OMG just a taxi what is the problem

Ring your parents and check the timings. Explain that you feel going over at 1pm is a bit late as you want to put the little one to bed at their usual time and are happy to get a taxi.
As others have said they either think it is more convenient that the passing relative picks you up, or there is the possibility they have realised they want a quiet morning so would rather you come later anyway. What was the original plan if they were collecting you?

If you want complete agency over what you do on Christmas day, you need to learn to drive.

I imagine taxis need to be pre-booked for Chrostmas Day so last minute chanhes/bookings are tricky

I think you can have a very nice morning @andanotherproblem. Have a nice breakfast, go to church - it's lovely on Christmas morning, have a leaf kick in the park on the way home. Buy yourself half a bottle of champagne and some lovely chocs for tomorrow night.

I have never invited people over at a certain time and they turn around and tell me, no sorry that doesn't work for me, I will turn up 3 hours earlier than that. It's not how things work when you are invited to someones house. The choice you have is get picked up at 1pm or don't go at all, which would be worse.

Speak up then, call your parents. Use your words.

They are trying to be helpful. I doubt they will mind if you book a taxi. After all it saves them the trouble.