To prefer a generic gift over a 'thoughtful' one?

[GaspingGekko]

Reading a few of the Xmas threads on here, I'm just wondering if I'm alone in feeling this way. I don't know if it's because I'm quite picky or specific in what I want, but I generally hate what people on here would call a thoughtful gift. Especially if it's an expensive one.

I feel like they often miss the mark, so yes there is thought in them, but it's not what I would choose for myself.
So for example, DP bought me an expensive running watch. It was in my favourite colour and I love running, so on paper perfect. Only it didn't have a specific feature that I really needed for my training, but then I felt obliged to use the one he bought meaning I missed out on that feature until the watch died.

Or, I career changed a couple of years ago. A friend bought me an expensive item linked to this career. Only it did lots of things I didn't want and was not something I would ever pick out for myself - I had already bought something for myself, completely different to the gift. Fortunately, I don't feel obliged to use the gift one, friend will never know otherwise. But it sits in my cupboard as a guilty reminder of the money she spent that I haven't appreciated.

I'm always grateful for the thought, and I genuinely can't tell them it's not right - because you can see on their faces that they think they've bought an amazing present. But I can't help but wish they'd just buy me something generic that they know I like. AIBU for feeling this way?

I am with you. I would 100% rather have chocolate, candles or shower gel/soap than the famous 'carefully-selected' gift. At least they can be used and as you say, stuff chosen by someone else is never quite right. Eg my mum used to buy me an m&s jumper every year, but she just went for a nice colour, regardless of anything else in my wardrobe.
Genertic gifts all the way!

Reassuring to know that I'm not absolutely alone on this. I have such guilt about it.

It was another thread about opening gifts in front of people that got me thinking about this. I hate opening gifts in front of people for this reason. Especially the 'I know you're going to love this' gifts.

I agree 100%

100% agree. My partner knows anything specific to let me sort it myself

I feel a bit like this, I think it comes from not wanting people to waste money on things I won't use.

I also feel quite bad because I prefer to buy generic type gifts (obviously taking into account the receivers preference, no chocolate for someone who hates it) for other people. And reading about all the thoughtful gifts on here makes me feel like I'm terrible.
Maybe in the new year I should start working on my constant feelings of guilt.

Absolutely this. It's the waste of so much money on something I wouldn't choose myself.
Along with then not being able to get the thing I actually want.

Im the same. I dont like gifts - I alreadtyhave everything I need and I dont like tatt/clutter. I also hate the thought that someone has bought me an expensive item and its wasted as its something I dont like or wouldnt use.

I would prefer chocolates, soap or socks!

Oh I agree. My Dh buys me the same thing every year. A bottle of Cava, box of chocolates and a gift voucher. I love it. Some may say it's lazy but for me it's perfect.

Ah for me a thoughtful gift is something homemade like a picture, an experience for us to do or something written. I think what you described is an expensive hobby gift and agree that is best bought yourself, same if it was trainers etc.
maybe on other threads people had different interpretations of thoughtful.

Kind of, except I feel the same about generic gifts - lovely scented candles in a scent that smells alien; expensive bitter chocolate that I don't like; alcohol that sits in my cupboard waiting for a suitable occasion.
Worst is when I buy presents I'm paralysed thinking how my dear relative or friend is going to react. This year I can't buy anything after seeing gifts gathering dust in cupboards too often, and knowing that rotten feeling of "they don't know me" - I don't know what they would love, and i dread disappointing them. It feels worse to give the wrong gift than none at all. Overwhelming as I have around 30 to buy for. I literally have a cupboard full of presents I don't dare give in case my relatives hate them.

I agree.we tend to do lists and links in my family but my DP (not co-habiting) always does his own thing. He is spectacularly considerate and pays a lot of attention to what I say so I totally get why he gets me the things he does but sometimes it's "off" in one way or another and I just wish the money spent would have been put to better use..I'd rather a cinema trip out than a beautiful leather notebook that in theory I'd love but in reality, don't have time to use.

Having been feeling slightly twitchy about my gifts this year of chocolates, wine and cake, @GaspingGekko, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart! Hope the recipients share your view 🎁

I'm with you too! I find it so difficult to open gifts regardless to who they are from and what they are, nevermind adding in the disappointment if you like, that's it not quite what you wanted/ you won't use etc. I don't ever want to appear ungrateful and I dislike the waste when I don't use something. Last year in the run up to Christmas DP and I were watching something crafty in the run up to Christmas, and I said how lovely it was to do something that's quite niche. I wouldn't want to do it myself/ have time/etc but come Christmas he had purchased me the full kit to do said craft. I appreciated he'd picked up on what I said, but I didn't ever want to do it, just commented how lovely it was to have such a talent. It's been sat in the cupboard for a year, Idid try it once but wa such a faff just to set it up let alone actually use it..that sort of thing takes years of practice which I won't do as I'm really not that interested! Makes me feel so ungrateful!

I agree. My DH has missed the mark numerous times trying to be thoughtful. I’d rather just have gifts I ask for or as you say something generic.

I agree. I am always very happy to receive socks, chocolate or gin 😅

Absolute flashback to being young and not daring to say anything positive for the 3 months run up to Christmas in case my DM picked up on it and bought it for me.

It's such an awful feeling of appreciating that they have listened and picked up on something like that, while also knowing that you're going to shove it in a drawer and never use it.

Oooh I've found my Christmas list twin😄

I agree. I’m very happy with generic gifts. Bath stuff, soap, chocolate, biscuits, socks- all fine by me. And that’s the sort I give. I do tend to ask for what I’d like - eg, “this book by this author and second-hand is fine”.

DH comes from a family of link senders. I love it.
My family are more about showing they know you really well with a surprise. I tried a link one year and they bought something similar, but not quite the same. I could have cried but had to put on the 'oh you know me so well' face.

Disagree, you are just picky. The last thing I want is more candles, shower gel or chocolate!

I’m not happy to get socks. I’m very picky about what I put on my feet.

But why is being "picky" or having a particular preference a bad thing? Why are you not allowed to like what you like and not some variation of it? Especially if it lacks a particular function or aspect that is a major part of why you want it? You can appreciate the thought behind it whilst still being let down and ultimately, had X spent you and still not got the thing you actually want.

You could be right.

I think, after a childhood of hand me downs and having to make do with what we could afford, now that I have my own money I want what I want and don't really like to compromise.

Eh? how is wanting something you can easily buy from the corner shop remotely "picky"?
OP is making it easier for people to get her gifts, not harder!

I am the same OP- if I want a specific item like a Fitbit for example, I want the specific one that does the things I need, not any old one.