To prefer a generic gift over a 'thoughtful' one?

[GaspingGekko]

Reading a few of the Xmas threads on here, I'm just wondering if I'm alone in feeling this way. I don't know if it's because I'm quite picky or specific in what I want, but I generally hate what people on here would call a thoughtful gift. Especially if it's an expensive one.

I feel like they often miss the mark, so yes there is thought in them, but it's not what I would choose for myself.
So for example, DP bought me an expensive running watch. It was in my favourite colour and I love running, so on paper perfect. Only it didn't have a specific feature that I really needed for my training, but then I felt obliged to use the one he bought meaning I missed out on that feature until the watch died.

Or, I career changed a couple of years ago. A friend bought me an expensive item linked to this career. Only it did lots of things I didn't want and was not something I would ever pick out for myself - I had already bought something for myself, completely different to the gift. Fortunately, I don't feel obliged to use the gift one, friend will never know otherwise. But it sits in my cupboard as a guilty reminder of the money she spent that I haven't appreciated.

I'm always grateful for the thought, and I genuinely can't tell them it's not right - because you can see on their faces that they think they've bought an amazing present. But I can't help but wish they'd just buy me something generic that they know I like. AIBU for feeling this way?

My side of the family and my husbands both value “thoughtful” gifts but are full of picky people so we tend to do either fancy generic gifts or reverse sending links. Like “I want to buy you a running watch but you have to pick it yourself. These three look cool to me because of these reasons but let me know what you want!” This year a young adult started caring a lot about cooking so we got a voucher to a kitchen store near her and wrapped it up in a big box with some pics of nice pans and a fancy knife. It kind of works to show we care but also, get what you want.

Why was it a bad idea?

I can’t believe she got angry! Angry over gifts. He thought he was being kind. 🥹

You could say, you were wanting to cut down the stress / cost / time spent looking for things at Christmas.

You want to reduce all Adult gifts to £5-10
Or you'd rather you went out for dinner or drink have quality time together than hunt for special gifts.

Totally agree OP!

lol some of them are probably just telling you that to be kind and seem grateful 😂

Well personally I would like to choose my own toiletries or have the freedom to try something new when I see it, not always having to be trying to use up what someone else has given me.

Others have allergies or limited storage space. Plus is knocking a couple of quid a week off someone's grocery bills for the next year really something that people value as a gift?

Also like LuckyLu123 says, how do people know a gift is genuinely wanted when almost no-one is honest and will always express gratitude and delight even if inside they're thinking the opposite.

Wait till you get old! In our 70s now, and DD got us some jigsaws to give us something to do! I dont have time to waste doing f ing jigsawa. I hate the damn things. Hours spent putting little bits of card together for what? To make a picture that I then take to bits, put back in the box and take to a charity shop. I have l too much to do to waste time on jigsaws. Never mind, I will do my parental duty and put it together, take a photo,
give it away.

As a 34 year old mother of a 1 year old baby, and who works full time - send it to me! I always have jigsaws on my wishlist as they’re so soothing to do, and no one ever buys me any.

This is why we only give presents to our two adult children. Less chance of error. At least if I have not got it quite right they are happy to ask if they can change it.

I agree too. I only really like receiving “consumable” presents like shower gel, biscuits - maybe books as I’m usually happy to give those away when I’ve finished them.

For me it comes from a hatred of having too much “stuff” in the house. I have young DC so I already feel over run with stuff - every room is bursting and I spend my life waging a one-woman war on clutter. When someone gives me an enormous vase or a kitchen gadget or an ornament it makes me want to scream.

Last year, I went through my student daughter's amazon make-up and toiletries purchases (she shares my account) and used my DH's account to buy the whole lot for her stocking. She absolutely loved it and asked me to do the same again this year.
She is obviously a girl in her practical mother's image because when I sent her her birthday present ( a Velvetiser) i also sent her a bottle of washing liquid in yhe same box I had been given free (nit wrapped up as a gift!). And when I asked her if she had received her parcel, she was over the moon about how much she would save by not having to buy detergent for a couple of months, then thanked us for the actual gift!

I commented on the other thread about thoughtful gifts that I really love the goodies from the John Lewis generic gift section and that I never get them - this year, a friend got me a pack of nice Christmas socks, a box of posh chocs and a Christmas bauble from JS and it was very nearly my favourite present! (DP did exceptionally well with the thoughtful present this year so am very lucky with the best of both worlds).

I think upon reflection it was weird, controlling and overly practical of me. I think it was the equivalent of buying them 100 tins of baked beans for the year. Plus 12 cans of deodorant, 12 shampoos etc says 'you stink, wash more' possibly.

I get what you mean. With people very close to me I’m specific what I want - send link and stress the features I’m after.
Otherwise regift or if there’s a gift receipt I exchange (assuming there’s something in that store I like).

I was given an overpriced lamp that's quite pretty.... but with light oak wooden bits & I don't have a single room where light wood will look OK. I'm quite miffed because like most people, my disposable income has nose dived this year & there are so many things I genuinely need at the moment. I've been struggling with my leg & a sports massage would alleviate a lot of the pain (old injury). I outright asked for a voucher, I also asked for a hairdresser voucher (it's been 2 years since I last went!) but no, a "thoughtful" lamp was deemed better, could have cried when I got it.

I don’t think you can ever go wrong with a bottle of Aesop hand soap.

I love buying gifts for my children but I’m over buying gifts for other people. I think it’s because we’re all older, we don’t want ‘stuff’ so spending time with people is more valuable. My close friends and I all buy each other experiences that we do together. It’s brilliant because we do something different together and usually go out for lunch/dinner afterwards. It’s a guaranteed good time for all of us.

You always see people saying here on mumsnet that they spent so much time picking out a “meaningful and thoughtful gift” and their spouse/friend/SIL or whoever bought them a rubbish gift. Well I wonder how many of those people actually thought the posters gift was really so great, “meaningful and thoughtful” because I’m guessing most of them just thought it wasn’t.

Yes!

I rather have time with someone vs another material item. I have more than enough things and I’m trying to get rid of them.

Plus, by a certain age, most adults have set items that they use or can only use and specific likes.

I have DH and 3 children. DH and our two sons are ND, one who is severely autistic, throws things and with being out of routine/school is prone to tantrums and meltdowns. I’m managing them and a toddler. The last thing I need is another object or item that could have been easily kept on the shop shelf since I said I don’t want gifts.

If one is desperate to give me a gift, it can be a nice walk alone with just said person and they can talk at me.