To prefer a generic gift over a 'thoughtful' one?

[GaspingGekko]

Reading a few of the Xmas threads on here, I'm just wondering if I'm alone in feeling this way. I don't know if it's because I'm quite picky or specific in what I want, but I generally hate what people on here would call a thoughtful gift. Especially if it's an expensive one.

I feel like they often miss the mark, so yes there is thought in them, but it's not what I would choose for myself.
So for example, DP bought me an expensive running watch. It was in my favourite colour and I love running, so on paper perfect. Only it didn't have a specific feature that I really needed for my training, but then I felt obliged to use the one he bought meaning I missed out on that feature until the watch died.

Or, I career changed a couple of years ago. A friend bought me an expensive item linked to this career. Only it did lots of things I didn't want and was not something I would ever pick out for myself - I had already bought something for myself, completely different to the gift. Fortunately, I don't feel obliged to use the gift one, friend will never know otherwise. But it sits in my cupboard as a guilty reminder of the money she spent that I haven't appreciated.

I'm always grateful for the thought, and I genuinely can't tell them it's not right - because you can see on their faces that they think they've bought an amazing present. But I can't help but wish they'd just buy me something generic that they know I like. AIBU for feeling this way?

Yup, hand over that box of smeely stuff and chocolate. I rarely want things but when I do it’s specific, better I buy fir myself.

There's a weird phenomenon where generosity of the gift giver is more important than the gift receiver getting something they will appreciate and utilise.

"It's the thought that counts". I was told this as a child through endless naff gifts. As an adult, I've come to realise that the "thought" is I have to get Every something- any old thing will do because I'm soooo generous to give a gift and she has to be grateful.

I'm done with being happy with terrible gifts, please save your money and buy yourself something fab instead.

I bloody love generic presents. Only on MN, where Bayliss & Harding basically has satanic meaning do you also get grief for liking said genetic products and being happy to receive them. And don't get me started on the ignoring links but buying something similar people.

Have a lovely Christmas @GaspingGekko filled with biscuits, candles and socks. And if anyone of the anti people receive such travesty's then DM me and I'll send you my address.

I mean, you say you like generic gifts but your user name suggests otherwise 😉

Absolutely agree

🤣 Good point. I should really be called AnAlpacaAndABaylisAndHardingSetForChristmasPleaseSanta. It just slips off the tongue.

The B&H cult on MN is seriously weired. It's as if no other supermarket brand existed. There was a thread yesterday when one poster said they would bin a B&H gift set but happily accept a Molten Brown one and another said they would be happy with ALL other brands apart B&H. No one seemed to realise that ALL handwash, regardless of the price/packaging/marketing is essentially the same thing, so to bin one brand and use another is ridiculous.
Then they start justifying their silly group think by attributing all sorts of nonsense to B&H such as slimy texture, inferior ingredients etc. THEY ARE ALL THE SAME!! Or at least similar enough not to really matter

Everyone knows I love chocolate. But I'm very difficult; dark chocolate, possibly with nuts but no fruit. Well, every single year I get chocolate I don't like from uncle- and they are expensive ! Dark with alcohol that I hate so I can't even give them to the kids. So each year I'm giving it to a friend who loves them. He has been told by my dh what I like but to no avail..he's probably spending 40£ on them..

Agree.

You’re a Scrooge for not wanting gifts, you’re ungrateful for not liking a gift, it’s wrong to desire a gift that you actually like from people who have known you for years even when they ask you and choose something else because they thought your choices weren’t ‘proper gifts’, it’s rude to not accept a gift and you should be thankful they thought of you in the first place.

Perfectly fine to ignore people saying they don’t want anything because the giver is doing something “nice” for you but not kind to you because it’s Christmas.

Wouldn't you prefer to be just done with the whole gift giving thing entirely? I don't know why all adults don't just agree that the whole thing is ridiculous and just agree not to do adult gifts at all.

I hate the ‘carefully selected’ bollocks because it’s never what I’d choose for myself.

Even my sister gets it completely wrong but thinks as she’s known me forever and has impeccable taste, she knows best.

We’re chalk and cheese and I think she thinks she can improve me but you’d think after 60 years, she’d have learnt by now!! 😂😂

My family are all inexpensive link lists and booze, so pretty much stress-free, but l have this one friend who spends a lot and prides herself on knowing just what to buy for people and she's always wrong! It's a sort of "You have a horse so here's a large bronze statuette of someone else's horse" kind of thinking ...

I'd love to just stop exchanging presents but she puts a lot of stock in the ritual ( another friend suggested going gift-free this year and she was really upset ) l'm going to bite the bullet next year, though - she's on a fixed income and it's such a waste. Any tactful phrasing suggestions welcome!

I agree as I hate waste but this is why Vinted exists! Your rubbish is another person's treasure. 😂

Yes! Me too! I read that thread and thought omg I bet the son hates the mothers thoughtful gift!

Maybe tell people what specific thing it is you want. Just a thought.

I’d much rather adults didn’t bother buying for adults, so much easier to buy what you actually want rather than all the expensive but totally inappropriate presents people end up with.

What’s your advice for people that do exactly this and are ignored?

My parents were awful gift givers because they tried too hard to be “quirky” and “original”, and nine times out of ten got stuff they wanted for themselves or because they thought it would make them look clever or different. It was honestly exhausting. I ended up with loads of shit I would never wear/use/read because they hadn’t taken the time to get me what I actually wanted.

My DP and I are very direct and give each other lists of links. It does the job: it may not be imaginative or creative but it means no one is disappointed.

I’m no longer a receiver of gifts but I loved getting a boots 3for2 or coffee or hot chocolate.
I asked for mustard, coffee and olive oil one year and it was brilliant, lasted forever and had reminders of people when I cooked.

Yes I agree, my husband is fantastic but always wants me to have atleast one ‘surprise’ gift each year, which I’m not fussed about at all! Rather just buy me the exact thing I want or something small like biscuits etc, rather than trainers that I won’t wear

My children are adults now and we don't buy for each other at all, it's such a relief for everyone 😂 we give cards with long heartfelt messages. I find it touching to note that they keep the cards.

The defining moment one year was that I had thought I'd done something amazing by sorting out their toiletries for the entire year.

Toothpaste, deodorants, soap, shampoo etc etc thankfully didn't include toilet roll (they were both skint and newly left home). It was a very bad idea.

So you're basically giving them a job to do.

Aren't we all busy enough? Plus you likely won't get anywhere near its value so money wasted.

OP YANBU at all. I got a load of chocolate and biscuits I don’t particularly care for, and will probably give most of away as I don't want to eat them, money from DM which is very generous and a nice gift from DP which I'm pleased with but what he doesn't know is that I've already bought the same thing for myself but not got round to using so will have to try and sell one of them without him noticing.

Plus of course it ties me into the obligation to buy for them and I've no idea what to buy because I hate most 'stuff' so think most things in the shops is a load of crap and/or a waste of money.

But surely adults want tk choose their own things so it's a bit presumptuous to think you can choose clothes, tech etc for someone else. Sending links is silly because once you've chosen the item you might as well just buy it.

It's all completely pointless and I wish most people would stop with the whole charade.

Totally understand you OP. I think for me the happy sweet spot is inexpensive things that are tailored to my interests but a bit surprising.

my SIL comes from family background who get EXACTLY what is requested- to the point that she sends me the links to exact product, and sometimes even says that she has bought it already and I can just transfer the money. That kills the whole point to me (especially since if I did the same, which I think she would like, we are just transferring each other roughly the same amount of money!).

but On the other end of the extreme I do understand that expensive hyper tailored gifts, on the others initiative, are never quite right and impossible to complain about.

so for me the ideal is the middle. Eg I tend to tell people things like “I’m really into discovering X topic at the moment, so a book that might help me learn more in that would be great’ or “Im just really wanting to have a sense of indulgence and rest this year, so anything that helps me do that’…. Might lead to massage vouchers, or bath oils or something pleasant in the right area…

they have help/steer but they can still be creative and make a little effort… and I enjoy the surprise element, within an area that works for me.

I almost never like presents anyone buys me, I often think they don't know or understand me at all. This is my husband and children. My sister pretty much gets me. DH and DD went out to choose me some earrings on Monday, which I opened yesterday and had to pretend to like. They are not like any of the earrings I ever wear, and my dh even said he didn't want to get anything like what I usually wear, which seems ridiculous...there is a reason I wear them all the time! They will end up in a cupboard and not worn, after I have worn them out of duty a couple of times.

This seems to happen a lot, so I think it is just me, and probably the OP as well.

You sound like my friend. The first year with her now DH he did a photo album of all the places they had been that year and sourced things for a hamper from those places (a scarf of local wool, local gin, cheeses etc.). She was so angry he had not got her anything useful like slippers or pyjamas. He soon changed and she now gets what I think are pretty shit gifts with no thought to them!