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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Niece is gay - AIBU

157 replies

Livpool · 23/12/2025 22:05

My brother has just text to say niece has just come out as a lesbian. I said fab as no woman would choose to be straight. Then checked she wasn’t upset etc. and all happy. He joked she wanted a card to at ‘yay’ and I said I would oblige.

I am out with a friend so mentioned it and she (straight woman FYI) said I am not taking it seriously and need to act like an adult about it.

YABU - she so right, you are being silly and ride
YANBu - you’re friend is ridiculous

OP posts:
Original poster
Livpool · 23/12/2025 22:06

Your - sorry no more wine for me 😂

OP posts:
Fatsnowflake · 23/12/2025 22:08

Why does it need to be a big deal anyway? I don’t even think anyone should need to ‘come out’ these days. My daughter just asked if her girlfriend could come over for tea and that was it. Don’t overthink it.

Original poster
Livpool · 23/12/2025 22:09

Fatsnowflake · 23/12/2025 22:08

Why does it need to be a big deal anyway? I don’t even think anyone should need to ‘come out’ these days. My daughter just asked if her girlfriend could come over for tea and that was it. Don’t overthink it.

Edited

Completely agree - DB seems shocked at the ‘come out’ rather than anything else. Straight people don’t come out

OP posts:
Hereforthecommentz · 23/12/2025 22:10

What st does that mean a card to at yay??

suburberphobe · 23/12/2025 22:10

Who cares?

I have a fab lesbian couple in my apartment building, been together for ever.

40 years and counting.

Better than the criminal next door, the police were around about him 3 days ago

Wintertime2025 · 23/12/2025 22:11

30 years ago my brother came out as gay and was significant, prejudice was high, impacted job prospects. Now he regularly comments how if it was today it would be a ‘meh’ moment. Of course each is an individual and certain cultures it remains more challenging. If my children are gay it’s ‘meh’ from me and your response is great.

Original poster
Livpool · 23/12/2025 22:12

Hereforthecommentz · 23/12/2025 22:10

What st does that mean a card to at yay??

Meant she wanted a ‘yay’ I think - I have had a few drinks 🤦🏼‍♀️.

OP posts:
RessicaJabbit · 23/12/2025 22:13

...wut?

Original poster
Livpool · 23/12/2025 22:14

Wintertime2025 · 23/12/2025 22:11

30 years ago my brother came out as gay and was significant, prejudice was high, impacted job prospects. Now he regularly comments how if it was today it would be a ‘meh’ moment. Of course each is an individual and certain cultures it remains more challenging. If my children are gay it’s ‘meh’ from me and your response is great.

Yeah it was big deal then - but not now. Not to take away from anyone who wants to ‘come out’ to

OP posts:
Original poster
Livpool · 23/12/2025 22:14

RessicaJabbit · 23/12/2025 22:13

...wut?

I should not have posted after a few drinks…

OP posts:
SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 23/12/2025 22:15

I think your joke is in poor taste. “No woman would choose to be straight” said about a presumed teen coming out as lesbian? Either you’re doing an eye roll 🙄 implying she will grow out of it or you’re denigrating all women who aren’t lesbians. There is no good meaning to your joke.

Christmaseree · 23/12/2025 22:16

I think it was a bit of a weird thing to say.

Vitriolinsanity · 23/12/2025 22:17

I think your friend is right. You say yourself no one outs as straight. Why must one out as not straight and need a card?

Original poster
Livpool · 23/12/2025 22:17

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 23/12/2025 22:15

I think your joke is in poor taste. “No woman would choose to be straight” said about a presumed teen coming out as lesbian? Either you’re doing an eye roll 🙄 implying she will grow out of it or you’re denigrating all women who aren’t lesbians. There is no good meaning to your joke.

Fair enough and noted. It wasn’t meant as anything but intent isn’t an excuse

OP posts:
NotAnotherScarf · 23/12/2025 22:18

No today it's a "ok, fair enough, pass the sprouts" type conversation. Thank God. I've gay friends who had a dreadful times when they were young. I knew a lovely professional man who'd been in prison for being gay and as a child I was told never to visit dad's cousin who lived in the same village with his partner Dave...not because he was gay, but people would have accused him of being a pedophile if I went there alone.

So you celebrate your niece's happiness.

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 23/12/2025 22:18

Does she want a card? I can’t understand your post really. Why would she want a card?

youalright · 23/12/2025 22:20

Yanbu I would of said something similar its just how some families are. Not everything has to be serious or a massive deal.

Original poster
Livpool · 23/12/2025 22:20

Vitriolinsanity · 23/12/2025 22:17

I think your friend is right. You say yourself no one outs as straight. Why must one out as not straight and need a card?

My brother said she would love a card but just that. It wasn’t a big deal

OP posts:
whatdoyourdoggoswant · 23/12/2025 22:20

RessicaJabbit · 23/12/2025 22:13

...wut?

My thoughts exactly 😂

youalright · 23/12/2025 22:21

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 23/12/2025 22:18

Does she want a card? I can’t understand your post really. Why would she want a card?

They're joking although I definitely would make a card 🤣

Original poster
Livpool · 23/12/2025 22:21

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 23/12/2025 22:18

Does she want a card? I can’t understand your post really. Why would she want a card?

My brother said she’d love a card but he may have been facetious as me so I will check.

OP posts:
TooMuchStop · 23/12/2025 22:23

What did your friend mean by taking it ‘seriously’? Does she think it’s a problem? There isn’t anything that needs taking seriously. Your niece is gay, she sounds happy. so all is well. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Livpool · 23/12/2025 22:24

TooMuchStop · 23/12/2025 22:23

What did your friend mean by taking it ‘seriously’? Does she think it’s a problem? There isn’t anything that needs taking seriously. Your niece is gay, she sounds happy. so all is well. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thanks - I don’t know either as I just said “aww my niece has just come out, how lovely” . And it went from there

OP posts:
TessSaysYes · 23/12/2025 22:25

Your niece is doing fine, but you're anti men mindset could do with some work, no? 😅

Cyclebabble · 23/12/2025 22:26

When DS came out we did get him a card and we took him to the pub (along with his BF). No big deal but it is worth some low key marking I think and also to very clearly demonstrate your support. Life is still surprisingly tough for gay people in the UK. Whilst Hallmark does have cards for this we got him a really nice pop up one from Spitalfields Market. The lady who makes these cards had a surprisingly large range of coming out cards.