Page 4 | Niece is gay - AIBU

Livpool · 2025-12-23T22:05:54+00:00

My brother has just text to say niece has just come out as a lesbian. I said fab as no woman would choose to be straight. Then checked she wasn’t upset etc. and all happy. He joked she wanted a card to at ‘yay’ and I said I would oblige. I am out with a friend so mentioned it and she (straight woman FYI) said I am not taking it seriously and need to act like an adult about it. YABU - she so right, you are being silly and ride YANBu - you’re friend is ridiculous

Frannyisreading · 23/12/2025 23:09

I really would ask the straight people posting here to say being gay is no big deal, to consider what they are saying

I don't know any gay person who hasn't experienced discrimination or abuse for being gay. No, it shouldn't be a big deal. But it can be very much a big deal, unfortunately.

Original poster

Livpool · 23/12/2025 23:09

Sahara123 · 23/12/2025 23:08

No woman would choose to be straight?!

It was a joke I have explained

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Simonjt · 23/12/2025 23:13

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 23/12/2025 23:04

Honestly, why is this even a thing?

We are on 2025, nearly 2026. We dont make a flaming fanfare for someone being heterosexual so why the need for it when someone has any other sexual orientation?

My stepson simply said at almost 16 that he was bringing his boyfriend s his plus 1 to our wedding. We simply said, ok but you will be in separate rooms (which would have been the case if he was bringing a girl too) and that was that. Unfortunately he died 6 months before out wedding from a health complication sonwe never got to meet his boyfriend.

Why is it a thing? Because a significant proportion of straight people are homophobic scumbags.

ThePinkPineapple · 23/12/2025 23:13

Your comment about women wouldn’t choose to be straight was very funny 😀 I’m not a man hater, i have the most wonderful man in the world but thinking for lots of my friends how much easier for them would be if they were in a relationship with women.

EmbroideredGardener · 23/12/2025 23:19

Some people want to come out and have a bit of a celebration, and why not. We've fought hard for equal rights for gay and lesbian couples, and there is still a lot of hate and discrimination out there. If she wants a bit of a yay moment, let her have one!

Original poster

Livpool · 23/12/2025 23:21

EmbroideredGardener · 23/12/2025 23:19

Some people want to come out and have a bit of a celebration, and why not. We've fought hard for equal rights for gay and lesbian couples, and there is still a lot of hate and discrimination out there. If she wants a bit of a yay moment, let her have one!

I text her and she would love a Beauty Bay gift card! I agree - but I celebrate everything so glad my
friend is wrong on this

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Rainallnight · 23/12/2025 23:23

Frannyisreading · 23/12/2025 23:09

I really would ask the straight people posting here to say being gay is no big deal, to consider what they are saying

I don't know any gay person who hasn't experienced discrimination or abuse for being gay. No, it shouldn't be a big deal. But it can be very much a big deal, unfortunately.

This.

The heterosexual privilege on this thread is wild.

Fatsnowflake · 23/12/2025 23:24

Frannyisreading · 23/12/2025 23:09

I really would ask the straight people posting here to say being gay is no big deal, to consider what they are saying

I don't know any gay person who hasn't experienced discrimination or abuse for being gay. No, it shouldn't be a big deal. But it can be very much a big deal, unfortunately.

I’m not suggesting that gay people don’t experience abuse. I’m suggesting that as family, friends and supporters we can make it easier by behaving normally so that our gay loved ones know that they don’t have to be worried they’ll be treated differently around us.

That for us it’s ’no big deal.’ My daughter has a girlfriend- that’s fine and normal. But equally I’m here to support if she does face issues in wider society. I’m not dismissing those.

Unfortunately at 18 she has already come across prejudice. But to me her sexuality is no big deal and it shouldn’t be to society either. We don’t live in that society yet but I hope we will do one day.

Fatsnowflake · 23/12/2025 23:27

And I am trying. If I’m doing something wrong then please do say because I want to be a support to my daughter.

SillyNavyTiger · 23/12/2025 23:27

Frannyisreading · 23/12/2025 23:09

I really would ask the straight people posting here to say being gay is no big deal, to consider what they are saying

I don't know any gay person who hasn't experienced discrimination or abuse for being gay. No, it shouldn't be a big deal. But it can be very much a big deal, unfortunately.

true, but most people have experienced discrimination or abuse at some point: being the wrong colour, dating someone with the wrong colour, belonging to the wrong religion, having the wrong accent, having the wrong name (on cv, on rental applications...)

and abuse because of said accent, job, parents job, hair colour! some kids are still beaten up because they are "ginger"!, size

sadly the list is pretty much endless.

rainuntilseptember · 23/12/2025 23:29

FrootyCider · 23/12/2025 23:01

It's not a big deal to most people and your comment meant no harm, but as a bisexual woman who leans towards women I have to say the 'Women are easier to be with/I'd choose to be a lesbian' jokes are a little tiresome. Relationships between women come with problems like any other. They take work. I think people's thought processes still register them as airy-fairy unserious relationships.

People would also be surprised at the homophobia that still very much exists.
-My cousin came to a family wedding with her girlfriend and they were introduced as Jenny and her 'friend' all night.
-A very good friend of mine was shunned by pretty much the whole village after her girlfriend moved in.

I was followed by two 'lads' for 10 minutes who urged me and my then girlfriend to kiss (amongst other things) while cheering and whooping, after we made the mistake of holding hands on the tube. Maybe 5 years ago.

-As a teacher I can tell you homophobia is very much alive and well in schools, both casually and as a means to bully others, and section 28 still lingers so schools are often retiscint to tackle it head on.

Sorry that turned in to a bit of a rant/tangent!

Anyway OP, I'm glad you're supportive of your niece. You're right to treat their sexuality as no Biggie, but prejudice is still there in society.

Not disagreeing with your personal experience, but as a teacher I don't recognise what you've said about schools at all - for one thing, it's been 20+ years since section 28 ended, most teachers in schools today won't even have been teaching then (I was, but I'm on the old side now)

Original poster

Livpool · 23/12/2025 23:32

Thanks all - my niece text me about something else and asked if I had heard. I said yes and I was happy for her to be her authentic self and said I would buy her a present. She joins me in our love for make up so will get her a Beauty Bay gift card! She said DM (her nan) had text saying congratulations too so asked if we could pool our money 😂😂.

All fine here and she has her sights on someone. I hope anyone else coming out has good vibes too, and wish it was a given.

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ArtfulTaupeGoose · 23/12/2025 23:34

TooMuchStop · 23/12/2025 22:48

Sexuality isn’t an issue, but I’d be concerned with my niece or nephew having issues with gender and gender ideology. I’d be checking that my sibling was getting them non affirming therapy and mental health care. That’s definitely something I’d take seriously
.

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When i say child, they are a grown up adult of 24

Certainly old enough to make their own

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 23/12/2025 23:37

Livpool · 23/12/2025 23:32

Thanks all - my niece text me about something else and asked if I had heard. I said yes and I was happy for her to be her authentic self and said I would buy her a present. She joins me in our love for make up so will get her a Beauty Bay gift card! She said DM (her nan) had text saying congratulations too so asked if we could pool our money 😂😂.

All fine here and she has her sights on someone. I hope anyone else coming out has good vibes too, and wish it was a given.

Edited

I think it’s lovely you’re being supportive but a bit odd she is expecting you and her nan to pool money to get her a gift card for being gay. But if you’re happy to get her one then go for it.

Ggeordie · 23/12/2025 23:37

I'm going to throw a different perspective into the mix from someone who is gay.

It is a big deal, especially for teens, and I've never seen it discussed.

Common thoughts of people are along the lines of;

it doesn't matter in this day and age
mentions of homophobia

Picture yourself as a 15 year old gay lad or lesbian.

Your friends know and aren't at all homophobic, they fully accept you and aren't bothered at all.

In fact no one you come across is homophobic!!

You are different - different to most of your mates.

Let's say you are a gay lad and are hanging out with your mates and they start discussing girls they fancy. You aren't really part of that conversation.

You aren't going to discuss the hot lad you fancy (who is probably straight) - you just aren't!

You may be the only gay person in your year at school.

It's often only when that gay teen starts going on the gay scene when they are older that they feel they 'belong' more - find their tribe if you will.

(I'm not sure if I've expressed the above all that well BTW).

I've seen massive changes over the years BTW - I came out in the 80s.

Most adults couldn't give a damn about a person's sexuality, and neither do kids and teens.

I see far more gay people in senior positions in business and they are the ones my gaydar detects.

What I'm basically trying to say is that it isn't just homophobia that is an issue to teens coming out, in fact that may not be an issue at all but it can still be difficult for other reasons.

Original poster

Livpool · 23/12/2025 23:39

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 23/12/2025 23:37

I think it’s lovely you’re being supportive but a bit odd she is expecting you and her nan to pool money to get her a gift card for being gay. But if you’re happy to get her one then go for it.

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She is just a cheeky chops but we love her!

To be fair, in our family we give presets for loads of things!

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Original poster

Livpool · 23/12/2025 23:40

Ggeordie · 23/12/2025 23:37

I'm going to throw a different perspective into the mix from someone who is gay.

It is a big deal, especially for teens, and I've never seen it discussed.

Common thoughts of people are along the lines of;

it doesn't matter in this day and age
mentions of homophobia

Picture yourself as a 15 year old gay lad or lesbian.

Your friends know and aren't at all homophobic, they fully accept you and aren't bothered at all.

In fact no one you come across is homophobic!!

You are different - different to most of your mates.

Let's say you are a gay lad and are hanging out with your mates and they start discussing girls they fancy. You aren't really part of that conversation.

You aren't going to discuss the hot lad you fancy (who is probably straight) - you just aren't!

You may be the only gay person in your year at school.

It's often only when that gay teen starts going on the gay scene when they are older that they feel they 'belong' more - find their tribe if you will.

(I'm not sure if I've expressed the above all that well BTW).

I've seen massive changes over the years BTW - I came out in the 80s.

Most adults couldn't give a damn about a person's sexuality, and neither do kids and teens.

I see far more gay people in senior positions in business and they are the ones my gaydar detects.

What I'm basically trying to say is that it isn't just homophobia that is an issue to teens coming out, in fact that may not be an issue at all but it can still be difficult for other reasons.

Edited

Thank you @Ggeordie❤️

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ABoldSubmission · 23/12/2025 23:45

For some reason I feel like you're being a bit performative @Livpool , including with the joke you made. Sort of like 'look at me, being so supportive by making a deal out of saying it's not a big deal'.

My son came out at around 13. He's experienced homophobia. A couple of boys got suspended by their school for one particular incident.

I am very proud of my son for being brave enough to come out in a school environment that was likely to not be fully supported, and I'm extremely proud that he is confident in who he is (it's one of the things I love best about him), and we've had a couple of boyfriends of his over the years come round.

But yet I feel it would be remiss of me as a parent to be like 'it's fabulous and also, what of it, who cares?' Because many people do care, many still find it distasteful even if on the surface they front as if they don't. Anti-gay feelings can be insidious.

When my son told me he was gay, I knew deep down, but fervently hoped otherwise, that I'd get a call from someone in a position of authority saying my son had received homophobic abuse. Sure enough that time came. And I know it may happen again. I don't like my child having that vulnerability, or any. It doesn't mean I'm not supportive of him being gay, but being the parent of a young gay person does come with a set of particular worries.

Waitingfordoggo · 23/12/2025 23:48

I thought your joke was funny too. I often say I wish I was a lesbian.

My DD didn’t really ‘come out’. Just started spending every waking hour with one particular female friend, until it became very obvious to anyone with eyes that they were in love with each other. 💚

Original poster

Livpool · 23/12/2025 23:57

Sorry @ABoldSubmissionI am not meaning to come across that way. Personally. I don’t care what someone’s sexuality is, i have friends and family who are straight/gay/bisexual. I don’t consider myself particularly supportive of any sexuality,
and generally don’t care.

In relation to my niece I am very happy that she feels comfortable enough to express her sexuality to us. With regards to buying her something - I know and love her so know what she would like.

I love makeup and skincare and she has taken after me in that regard. When she was younger I used to buy make up pamper kits with skincare and makeup. As an adult I buy her sets. We attend spa treatments along with my mum.

As such, a gift card she will use is something I would buy a treat.

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Original poster

Livpool · 23/12/2025 23:59

Waitingfordoggo · 23/12/2025 23:48

I thought your joke was funny too. I often say I wish I was a lesbian.

My DD didn’t really ‘come out’. Just started spending every waking hour with one particular female friend, until it became very obvious to anyone with eyes that they were in love with each other. 💚

That is so lovely to hear ❤️

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shuggles · 24/12/2025 00:00

@Livpool I said fab as no woman would choose to be straight.

Ah yes. All heterosexual relationships are awful because of men (even though women approach and select their partners to begin with), and every lesbian relationship is wonderful because there are no men.

Yay, homophobia!

Original poster

Livpool · 24/12/2025 00:05

shuggles · 24/12/2025 00:00

@Livpool I said fab as no woman would choose to be straight.

Ah yes. All heterosexual relationships are awful because of men (even though women approach and select their partners to begin with), and every lesbian relationship is wonderful because there are no men.

Yay, homophobia!

Apologies - it was very facetious ‘joke’ I have explained

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TheCheekyCyanHelper · 24/12/2025 00:15

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 23/12/2025 22:15

I think your joke is in poor taste. “No woman would choose to be straight” said about a presumed teen coming out as lesbian? Either you’re doing an eye roll 🙄 implying she will grow out of it or you’re denigrating all women who aren’t lesbians. There is no good meaning to your joke.

Despite your user name you are not very nice.

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 24/12/2025 00:15

Livpool · 24/12/2025 00:05

Apologies - it was very facetious ‘joke’ I have explained

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Ignore them, they're probably trolls, and if they aren't, just have no sense of humour.