To make my daughter wear her hair down on Xmas day

[Namechangesecretsignature]

I really don’t think I’m bu in these circumstances. Normally with something like this I’d think someone was unreasonable but hear me out

DD 6 has the most beautiful curly hair, it’s the most amazing colour whenever she comes to the hairdressers with me they’re in awe at it, both the colour and texture. DD is a major Tom boy, and my parenting style is very much live and let live, pick your battles sort of thing.

however, due to this my dc are used to having free reign on what they wear/do/eat/go to etc. my dc choose their own outfits each day and pretty such always have done. Dd is now especially hard to buy clothes for as alls she wants to wear is blue, black, grey, navy, or dark green. Wouldn’t dream of a dress, has a real issue with jeans, and won’t wear boots or anything. She has chosen a blue designer tracksuit to wear on Xmas day that is navy blue (it’s slightly “girlier” for once as has little shoulder pads and tapered bottoms). We are very much a dress up for Xmas day family and this year after COUNTLESS chopping and changing of plans it’s now been arranged that we’re going out for Xmas. Dd adamant she wants to wear her tracksuit (and has had a meltdown about the clothes I’ve bought her for Boxing Day). I’ve told her if she’s going to wear the tracksuit then I’ll be styling her hair and she won’t be wearing her usual go to style of a slick back pony tail to “dress up” a bit for Xmas day. She’s had an absolute meltdown and whilst this is something I wouldn’t normally care about, something in me is saying to stick to my guns. I accept and fully embrace that she doesn’t and probably will never dress in the way I’d love to dress her (I’m a real girly girl) but do I let her have too much say?

FWIW, I’ve told her that when I was young I didn’t get a say in what I was wearing where we were going and certainly not how my hair was styled. I think I’m further irritated by the kick off over her Boxing Day clothes. She won’t go to the shops with me so I’ve traipsed around the shops myself yesterday to find something she’d like. Smart and not girly but trendy and funky in colours she approves of. I’m struggling financially at the moment and the pressure of Christmas is just getting too much. I don’t know if this is a straw that’s broke the camels back situation. I could’ve done without spending all this money on clothes and presents and feel like it’s not even appreciated just finding fault in things my dc should be grateful for. Before anyone piles on, I know they don’t have to be “grateful” for the basics but it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle. And no new clothes for Xmas day aren’t negotiable where we come from.

writing it now seems like such a none issue but it’s irked me.

You’ve got some fine old battles coming when she is a teenager! Let her be, it’s her hair after all. She’s not a doll!

She is 6 years old! She just needs to be comfortable. You say you are a dress up Xmas day family which is fair enough if that’s what you want to do but I don’t think it needs to spill over to the kids. Buying new clothes for Xmas seems unnecessary if money is tight, as does a designer tracksuit for a 6 year old. What is it that makes dressing up important? If it’s to make the day special, I think it will have exactly the opposite effect on your DD as it’s not what she wants to do. If it’s because it’s what everyone else does or that you worry how you will be viewed if you don’t, that’s something to reflect on. I don’t think Xmas and dress code for a wedding are the same at all. Xmas can be stressful for a whole range of reasons but this is not the hill to die on. All the best x

so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle.

YABU you’re the one causing a fuss

Erm, six you say?
I actually had to reread your post to check I had the age right.
she is SIX? (And not the musical).
what on earth are you raising?
Get in there and parent for heaven’s sakes. And yes, that does mean laying down the law, setting the boundaries and being firm.
If you don’t do it with love now, how will she cope when employers do it when she’s older
and yes, she wears what you say, in your way every now and then. It will teach her to actually be grateful when she has free rein
and I am sorry you are having to run around like this, you must be worn out and too tired to ensure boundaries

Yanbu at age 6 my dc were expected to wear smart clothes and have nice hair if we were going out somewhere smart. Could be trousers as one hated dresses/ skirts.

YABVVU

Or did she make her son get a hair cut or is he allowed to grow it out?

The OP is about the child’s hair style. I have never been told as an adult what hair style I can or cannot have.

Why isn’t hair tied up in a ponytail ‘nice hair’?

I don’t see the point in causing drama over a hairstyle/clothes tbh. Dress codes can still be adapted to individual style. I can’t think of any time I’ve been forced to wear my hair down or wear a dress as an adult. No one else is going to care what she’s wearing so just let her be comfortable.

She’s not a doll I get that. But OP is the parent.

what about when she won’t wear the school uniform.

Or any clothes in public (a friends child)

She is 6 years old.

She’s 6.

Who does she need to be impressing with tracksuits with “shoulder pads and tapered bottoms” and her hair worn out?

Does anyone give a flying fuck what a 6 year old is wearing and how their hair is styled, if they’re clean, tidy and dressed appropriately for the weather?

Hi, it seems like she has had free reign over her appearance for her whole life. As such, you can't realistically expect her to accept dress codes now. It doesn't sound like this is a concept, that you have brought her up with, but now at 6 expect her to understand & cooperate. Therefore, YBVU.

How can you say you're struggling for money and then ho out for Christmas and buy new outfits for both days?!!!

YABVVU

Slicked back pony sounds clean, comfortable and practical to be fair. My eldest is also 6, we're not going out this xmas so I'll be lucky to get him in more than pants, but I hated all the performance bs from my childhood to look perfect - clean and tidy and practical is good enough imo. Lighten up, they're only kids (at Christmas no less!) once :)

Of course it is! Im guessing your son isn’t made to have long hair and wear a dress 🙄. Absolutely bloody ridiculous.

^ This. You're making as much fuss as she is. Except it's not your hair, it's hers.

You've said yourself you let your kids choose their clothes and hair etc, so obviously she is going to kick off when you suddenly change approach. Let her tie her hair up if it gets on her nerves.

Pick your battles.
This is a ridiculous hill to die on.

But neither of those things apply here. School uniform has to be worn because it’s in the school rules, that you accept when you take a place at a particular school. Clothes have to be worn in public for warmth and decency reasons.
There is no reason that the child needs to have her hair down on Christmas Day. None at all.

Ffs, you let a kid do whatever she wants then try to clamp down one day a year.
Get a grip.
You're the parent.
But, you don't get to impose one day a year if, otherwise, you're permissive.

It's her hair!

Leave her alone, she isn't a doll.

And another thing - the OP said something like ‘she has to learn about dress codes’. No, she really doesn’t. The only dress code for a six year old is ‘clean and comfortable’.

You might suggest that a pink tulle princess dress would not be the ideal choice for a muddy walk in winter, or dirty jeans for a meal out or party. But that’s it, and even then I wouldn’t push it.

Older children develop their own sense of dress from looking at the people around them, not from being told what to wear.

But it’s not ‘all the time’ is it. It’s Christmas events. It’s important that dc grow with a sense of autonomy. It’s also important they they are parented to understand that some events have dress codes or appropriate forms of dressing.