Uninvited guests. People expecting to be invited into your home unnanou

[Owlmoonstar]

How do you feel about this?

If someone knocked your door, completely expected, expecting to be invited in, would you be pissed off?

What would you do in this situation?

Worst one ever. A few days into our new home. I was about to get in the shower and get ready for my late shift. Knock at the door.
Some couple I didn’t recognise. And a big dog. Turned out they were friends of in laws who had heard that we had moved in to their town so had come round to say hello. They used to know DH when he was a child and their son used to be his best friend.
Great. Said hello and introduced myself. Apologised for being a state in my pjs and said it wasn’t a great time. DH was at work.I needed to be. They were all ‘OH NO. We’ve brought lunch! Held up hot takeaway. Thought you might be busy unpacking. Do you mind if we pop in and just quickly say hi? So I had an awkward 5 mins of small talk feeling shabby and stressed about getting ready for work. Dog dashing about.
They seemed put out when I showed them out.

It’s like they had planned it all in their heads. All having lunch together. Catching up with DH. Us gratefully eating the food. Like we were just sitting there all day.
They could have just dropped a bloody card in and left their number.
If you’re a dropper inner make sure you’re finely tuned to read situations.

That's another thing isn't it, they don't seem to pick up when they aren't welcome!

I HATE it! It might suit you to "drop in" unexpectedly but it doesn't suit me. Ring me and we will arrange something. I think it is incredibly rude and would never do it to anyone.

Depends completely on who it is and what time of day! My adult kids all have keys so just come in. My best friends are always welcome. My mum & my sister do it occasionally and I might be mildly irritated but I'd still invite them in.

When I was younger, all anyone did was just turn up and be let in. Mobile phones have made us all horribly self-centered.

How to get over it?
Never leave dirty underwear lying around.
Always have teabags / coffee and milk in.
Smile.

Job done.

My ils had a habit of calling later in the eve, esp after dc born and only little. Sil would call after 5pm, witching hour then complain that dd was too whiney. One day id had enough and told her she had called at the wrong time, what did she expect after a busy day.at nursery etc. She left very quickly after.
Bil was another who would have landed round after tea time, and dh would be at work til after 9.
I hated it cos we have nosy neiighbours who miss nothing and would potentially get the wrong idea seeing his car appear on an eve when dh not home.

I love visitors. I'd never send them away unless I had a reason.

Everyone is welcome, as long as they are okay with a large labrador sharing the settee.

I don’t answer the door unless I’m expecting someone😬

Entirely depends on who it is.

My parents or friends? Then they are welcome to come in and if the place is a mess then so be it

Door to door salesman or nasty next door neighbour? Door shut promptly.

Lock your door and don't open it after a certain time. Or get a ring doorbell or similar so you can vet callers.
Or do what I read on here once. Answer the door wearing your coat. Someone you don't want to see - 'Oh sorry im getting ready to leave'

or pretend you've just got home if its someone you don't mind dropping in.

I don’t really like many people tbh, but assuming it’s one of the ones I do like… they’d be welcomed in with the expectation they are there to see me and not my house (cos god knows what state it would be in!)

If it's a stranger/someone I hardly know, I'd be wary. Yes, sometimes they might be in genuine need, but I wouldn't take the risk, which is quite sad really. Obviously friends and family would usually be very welcome-they tend to know when we're all available or not, and if in doubt they'd message first, at least if they were travelling a long way to see me.

This is my mum, and then me. She just doesnt understand me. Tbf , if she turns up unannounced i am always pleased to see her.

Depends.

When I was living in the middle of a big city, it was lovely, because almost always it'd be a friend or neighbour; if I was busy I could just say 'ah, sorry, halfway through doing something' and they'd say 'ah well, just passing and thought I'd see if you fancied a coffee' and neither of us would think more of it.

Slightly less keen now I'm in the sticks, because I feel you can't really ask people to go away again! I like it when it's a neighbour checking in or DD's friends asking her to play.

Dislike: when ex-P's family used to rock up, several hours early, with a gormless 'oh, are you busy? Oh yeah ... you work from home ... where's <ex-P's name>? Oh ... she's ... at work? How come?'

Really, really dislike: when ex-P (are you sensing a pattern here?) hammers on the door at stupid O'clock because she wants something for DD and it is so much easier and cheaper just to get me to provide it.

OP- this type of thread always brings out both sides. Those that say 'when I grew up, all my family/friends lived on the same street, our doors were unlocked and everyone just wandered in/out day and night, I don't care if they see mess, me with no bra, in PJ's etc. 🙄

And then there are the rest of us! I can't stand it. It takes 2 seconds to call or text to check we are in. I WFH and some people have no understanding that I'm actually working- not sitting on the computer for fun playing games!

I've mentioned it on here many times. We've been renovating and MIL has arrived with randoms that she has met that day at a function- then told us to show them around our house! The first time, DH and I assumed they were people she knew very well but no, literally randoms she met that day.

Depends entirely on the on the state of the house and the state of the visitor and the time. We live near the pub so get a lot of 11.30pm pissed visitors. If the house is a tip then no one is passing the threshold unless v close friends and family.

This ⬆️ Some family members/friends I love to see. Others I wouldn’t open the door to. Door cam lets me see who’s knocking so I know whether to answer or not.

I don’t understand your thought process at all - I am happy to see an unexpected visitors. My ds is like you - he doesn’t like it. Home is his place to chill and be away from people. He doesn’t like unexpected visitors - it throws him and he struggles. If a school friend knocks on the door for him he hates being put on the spot because he hasn’t had a chance to think through how long is he going to see them and what will they be doing, what do they expect from him. He is 15 and has a lovely group of friends but will not invite any of them into our home.

eta I fully support my ds in how he feels

I have no problem with this. Where I grew up (in Asia) this is the norm. My aunts, cousins and parent’s friends would frequently drop by in the evenings. I would love that here but of course culturally this is not the done thing. I do host a lot though and DC know their friends are always welcome.

Na Nu Na Nu.

“I’m really sorry, right now is not a good time for guests. Please do call ahead next time and we can arrange a time that suits”

I wish!

It's so bloody rude and dismissive to barge in.

I am happy to have people around when I invite them, but I am busy! If someone is here, it means I have to change or cancel my existing plans, completely reschedule my work load, it's just not possible for everything.

I don't mind leaving my house to someone when I am on holiday, I do mind having to ruin my day because of someone who has nothing better to do than wasting my time.

I am a past mistress in making it difficult for people to contact me.My home is my private place.

This is why the ring type doorbell is your friend. They open in an app on your phone or tablet. However some can also be made to open on smart TV or computer. So you can monitor the caller without ever answering. This gives you the option to stay silent if you dont want to invite them in. Or you can answer but tell them you are away from home/ill in bed and answering on your phone. "Bad reception" can easily prevent a long conversation so you just hang up. Works best if you dont have a car to be seen.

I've never minded my parents turning up, or other close family. It irritates the hell out of me though when people I'm less close to do it.
I've made clear to one in law, who routinely turns up unannounced, that I'd rather he checked first that it's convenient. He's paid me no heed whatsoever though, and still does it. It's rude and it's crossing a boundary, it perplexes me that he wants to visit when it's clear as day that he isn't welcome!