MIL wants to arrive 6AM Xmas day

[Countrybumpkin19]

My MIL lives on her own and close by.
The last couple of years she has arrived at our house at 6AM on Christmas day as she likes to see my DDs open their stockings. She has never asked me if that's ok (though presumably spoke to my husband about it). I find it far too much - I don't want to have to talk to any visitors at 6AM when I'm half asleep (least of all my MIL) and see it as an invasion of privacy. As far as I see it stocking opening is intimate family time and I feel she enroaches on this.
This year I sent her a really nice text message asking if it would be ok if she arrived at 9AM so that we have a little bit of time first thing to get ready and prepare for the day (I'm doing all the cooking/hosting). She is then welcome to spend the rest of the day with us. She is really upset by this message and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable (it has opened up a big argument between us). AIBU?

because the OP is graciously inviting his mother, just asking for a little respect and a reasonable time.

He has what he wants, his mother is coming. Just not at 6am 😂

I hit the wrong bloomin vote!
MIL is unreasonable @Countrybumpkin19 you are definitely not!

and they [other half's parents] have nothing to do with MY children unless I allow them

Wow....I am so grateful that my parents never stopped my grandparents from seeing me. I have such fond memories of them, and the older I get, the more I cherish them.

As long as you're fine with any future daughter-or-son-in-law deciding that you are not family and excluding you from your grandchildren's lives, even if you are on your own, then cool.

Also, children learn from example, so they might learn from you not considering grandparents as family....just saying.

Presumably she's welcome when she's helping out "a lot". She's back in the inner circle of intimate family then!

I’m not sure how an overnight stay actually solves the issue being discussed. The problem isn’t where MIL sleeps, it’s the expectation of a 6am start. OP has said she’d be happy with a later arrival.

This is just horrible.

YANBU. I wouldn’t mind getting up at 6am (suspect it’ll be earlier here with my Dc!) but, BUT I wouldn’t let anyone come round at that time when I need several coffees, look like a zombie and barely functioning!! I think that a close family member is coming round at 8am but that’s for a pop in and we aren’t expected to wait to open presents etc, they’ll be opened by 6:30 am.

OP has said she's welcome at 9am. Which is a lot earlier that most people would think acceptable on Christmas day.

You’ve got to be kidding. “The sheer cosiness of seeing his kids and his mother together at stocking-time” wtf. That is the craziest take I’ve seen on any post on Mumsnet.

funnily enough, showing respect for your DIL/SIL and not imposing yourself by pretending you have rights is a wonderful way to NOT be excluded

I am delighted if my kids learn from example and see that it's their dad's responsibility to deal with his own side of the family, it's not wife's work and their mums' job to be involved at all. Kids are never too young to learn, and that's the best way to teach them about equality

If the kids were up anyway at that time I really wouldn’t mind tbh. I think she’s probably lonely, she’s your DH’s mum and he wants her there. It’s a nice example for your son(s) if you have them as well. It might be you one day with a DIL.

what is it with men and their mums? Absolutely NBU, they are. Also why would MIL want to get up mega early and arrive all glammed up? I can think of nothing sadder than putting your Christmas snazz on at 5am!

if husband is adamant say okay I’ll stay in bed and you guys have at it. Then appear at 9am having had a lovely sleep.

Bloody hell - nobody would be answering our door at 6am!! I’m hoping we’ll still be asleep!

I’ve told my dad to arrive at 10am and i was a bit worried that might be too early 🤣

we do stockings sat in bed and I wouldn’t be having anyone else join us in bed.

MIL can see DC open the presents that are from her - why should she need to be present for anything more??

6am!
I would be f*ing livid, waking me & the kids up at 6am would be unacceptable
That's a big, fat NO from.me

I had my mum round 2 years in a row and never again! It’s family time not grandparents time

She’d probably be more welcome if she brought the children a couple of grand each as presents eh? 😆

you are joking aren’t you?

Absolutely hatstand.

My grandparents always arrived at about 7.30 on Christmas morning. They came for breakfast. My mother stayed with either myself or a sibling on Christmas eve so she was not alone in the morning.
In our family we've never worked on the principle that older members of the family are excluded because " they've had their turn".
I always wonder if those on here who cling so strongly to this idea will feel the same when they wake up alone on Christmas day. You do reap what you sew.
6am is rather early though! Talking through other options rather than a text would have been kinder.

This can’t be real

This is such a nasty thread.

6am arrival for anything is highly irregular

We never watched our kids open their stockings. Due to them waking up at ultra stupid o'clock we'd put things like a snack, a drink a book and a new toy so they could play and let us stay in bed.

If my in-laws wanted to come over at that time I'd let them, but they were wonderful people and would have happily looked after the kids until we wanted to get up. They tended to come over around 9 with my grandmother.

Because she's family??