MIL wants to arrive 6AM Xmas day

[Countrybumpkin19]

My MIL lives on her own and close by.
The last couple of years she has arrived at our house at 6AM on Christmas day as she likes to see my DDs open their stockings. She has never asked me if that's ok (though presumably spoke to my husband about it). I find it far too much - I don't want to have to talk to any visitors at 6AM when I'm half asleep (least of all my MIL) and see it as an invasion of privacy. As far as I see it stocking opening is intimate family time and I feel she enroaches on this.
This year I sent her a really nice text message asking if it would be ok if she arrived at 9AM so that we have a little bit of time first thing to get ready and prepare for the day (I'm doing all the cooking/hosting). She is then welcome to spend the rest of the day with us. She is really upset by this message and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable (it has opened up a big argument between us). AIBU?

I don’t thinking you’re being unreasonable on the time but present opening is not “intimate family time”

Exactly. Suspect the same group who say ‘Don’t expect your MIL to babysit in the future if you don’t allow her to have overnights now with your six-week-old.”

@MummaMummaMumma

WTF?? Of course, she’s family! What are you quite ok?

How old are your children, OP?

Not that it makes a difference to this issue. 6am is insane. 9am is incredibly reasonable. You have a DH problem.

I hope you’re not all whinging about it taking a village. What a shitty attitude towards your children’s nan.

It absolutely is when it's early morning, everybody in their pjs, just out of bed at whatever time they ended up getting downstairs!

Completely different when guests you INVITED are staying over -and frankly, when we have guests, most of us won't be in their pjs but will be showered and dressed before going downstairs with the kids.

It's completely different to be home alone or with guests. MIL is no-one for the OP, she's not family, just a nuisance to put up with, but not at 6am!

Oh, haven't you heard? Only spouses and kids are immediate family. 🙄

There was a thread on here the other day where two posters flat-out denied that siblings are immediate family. The change happens once you get married and have kids. Then they become extended family, apparently. Despite sharing as much genetic material as they do with their kids - sometimes more - and being the only ones who are with them throughout the life-span, they are demoted to extended family.🤦‍♀️I didn't bother to point out that that's not how genetics works. IMO, your spouse and kids might be the priority, naturally, but siblings and parents are still immediate family.

So you can see how grandparents got NO chance!

She's not the OP's family. In-laws are absolutely not family 😂

And here we have another Mumsnet cliché! It takes a village!

OP isn't saying she doesn't want MIL to come at all, she's saying she doesn't want her coming AT SIX O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING.

I'm waiting for 'just wait until you're a MIL' next.

They are, whether you like it or not! You are connected by blood with them through your children.

Absolutely not! That's ridiculous. Who in their right mind thinks that's acceptable. Even if she was staying the night it still wouldn't be acceptable in my eyes as our children open their stocking on our bed, so it would still be a massive invasion of family time & personal space.
Even 9am.is generous!
Show you DH all the replies on here to show how out of touch his thinking is.

I'm not a big fan of xmas - but I do understand that it gives lots of people pleasure; often in idiosyncratic ways that are unique to them but unfathamable to others.

I'd make a woman to woman deal with MIL - firstly suggesting 7am, nearer 8 if possible as a more amenable time of arrival. And she makes the tea/coffee and breakfast. Be clear and honest with her - that you're sensitive to her feelings but that you're sure she is also sensitive to yours. Failing that, well, anything goes.

6AM!!!

Nobody is saying she shouldn't be invited round but she has invited herself at 6AM FFS.

I don't understand how anyone thinks we should be ok about this and that she should be included in every single thing. Did she have her mother in law over at 6am when @Countrybumpkin19 's DH was little? Did she bollocks.

shitty attitude not to wake up the entire house and get everybody ready for 6am on Christmas Day because MIL from hell is requesting it? Are you serious?

Do you think MIL would enjoy the OP popping up at random times of the evening, or night just because? 😂

Just wait until you're a MIL!

“though presumably spoke to my husband about it” - have you not asked him to clarify?

Yanbu. I agree that arriving at 6am is way too early, not on at all.

If you divorce (or sadly become a widow) you never have to see your in-laws ever again, absolutely not family.

And with attitude like the OP's deranged MIL, she wont' be family with the kids either 😂

Thanks for all the responses so far. I feel somewhat validated!
My MIL generally means well and does help us out a lot, but she has a bit of a history of overstepping boundaries.
I should add that we wouldn't be opening any of the main presents until later in the morning so she wouldn't be missing much.

Arriving any time before 11am is frankly inappropriate.

You have to set boundaries with this woman and your husband.

I think the sensible thing would be for the OP to go along with it because her husband wants it, not so much because MIL wants it. Might be easier if she sees it as something that makes her husband happy. It sounds like he wants the memories and sheer cosiness of seeing his kids and his mother together at stocking-time. OP would do well to let her husband have this one.

@Holdingthem

This is odd. Mother in law sat on your bed while you’re in it with your husband, no make up, morning breath, bed head, etc. nah.

6am is frankly outrageous. I can understand Dh being annoyed if you took it upon yourself to tell her without letting him know, but would he have told her? Maybe he’s keener to upset you than upset his mother. I’ve never heard of pil coming round at such a ridiculous time, not even my completely enmeshed family group! I think even 9am is insane, but your Dh should have told her. Early Christmas morning is for parents and their dc. I’m genuinely horrified at the pil who go into the parents’ bedroom to watch the dc open stockings, that’s obscene! I’d reinforce the boundary and make it midday if she’s there for the rest of the day (maybe next year!)

A colleague and I were discussing opening stockings alone and eating all the chocolate coins before even getting out of bed. I kind of thought waking up and opening stockings alone was the thing most dc do?

Your husband is a massive prick if he thinks this is ok.

Absolutely not being unreasonable.

I agree that time on Christmas morning is for you & your family only and a tradition your children will come to love as they get older (I certainly did and remember fondly those few hours we would have even as our family got older).

Stand firm and enjoy your Christmas Morning.