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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL wants to arrive 6AM Xmas day

702 replies

Countrybumpkin19 · 23/12/2025 18:53

My MIL lives on her own and close by.
The last couple of years she has arrived at our house at 6AM on Christmas day as she likes to see my DDs open their stockings. She has never asked me if that's ok (though presumably spoke to my husband about it). I find it far too much - I don't want to have to talk to any visitors at 6AM when I'm half asleep (least of all my MIL) and see it as an invasion of privacy. As far as I see it stocking opening is intimate family time and I feel she enroaches on this.
This year I sent her a really nice text message asking if it would be ok if she arrived at 9AM so that we have a little bit of time first thing to get ready and prepare for the day (I'm doing all the cooking/hosting). She is then welcome to spend the rest of the day with us. She is really upset by this message and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable (it has opened up a big argument between us). AIBU?

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 24/12/2025 08:23

BettysRoasties · 24/12/2025 08:21

The king himself could knock my door as 6am and wouldn’t be let in let alone mil.

If you’re knocking my door at 6am someone needs to be dead or my house is on fire. It’s a totally unreasonable time.

Even 9am would be pushing it on a weekend/bank holiday.

It is demanding and overstepping to expect to just rock up at 6am to someone’s house it’s rude.

Agreed - my children have never been allowed to run downstairs and start opening presents or stockings that early. At the very earliest we would agree on 7am to go downstairs together and see the joy and surprise of Christmas morning together. But 6am is absolute insanity.

HipHopDontYouStop · 24/12/2025 08:23

TheWonderhorse · 24/12/2025 08:18

Threads like this make me feel so blessed, honestly! My PIL have arrived earlier than that before now, and they're very welcome. We're a proper working class nuts Christmas, with big families on both sides and the day is crazy. By lunchtime you won't be able to see my living room floor.

We're close, and we love each other and I'm incredibly grateful that there are people willing to put up with the chaos, and the sight of early morning me in my Christmas pyjamas, to be with us.

PILs live in a France now but when they come for Christmas we don't really have rules. Let good people love your kids as much as they can.

Bully for you. Just because it’s fine for you doesn’t mean it’s fine for everyone else.

Nor is it a display of love.

When someone says it’s not ok then it’s not ok.

6am arrival. Jesus wept.

SexyFrenchDepression · 24/12/2025 08:24

Notonthestairs · 24/12/2025 08:15

Asking her to come at 9am not 6am is not displaying ‘hatred’ to the grandmother.

what a lot of hyperbole.

No but some of the people on here have displayed hatred towards her, the OP hasnt. Tell her to fuck off etc etc.

SexyFrenchDepression · 24/12/2025 08:26

fashionqueen0123 · 24/12/2025 08:09

Show him this post.
99% of people think you’re insane for even contemplating having her over at that time!

MN hates in laws and step families, it really isnt a normal representation of real life IMO.

diddl · 24/12/2025 08:29

Well she is obviously arriving at 6am because that is when her son has told her to!

Even when my dad stayed over the kids would open stockings in bed with us before taking them to show him.

I wouldn't mind someone turning up early whilst I & everyone else was still in pjs, but I see why Op wants the kids to open the stockings in bed with just her & her husband.

Marinetrained · 24/12/2025 08:30

Just set a rule that stockings/ presents are opened later and she can come around then.

fashionqueen0123 · 24/12/2025 08:33

SexyFrenchDepression · 24/12/2025 08:26

MN hates in laws and step families, it really isnt a normal representation of real life IMO.

It’s not the person that’s the issue - it’s the 6am timing!
Ive never known anyone do that. If someone came to my house at that time we’d all be asleep and they would be left outside.

Fraudornot · 24/12/2025 08:33

OMerryGrinchmas · 24/12/2025 02:52

Under no circumstances should she be allowed to allowed to enter the house.
If she shows up call the police. It’s your special day, and you deserve fun and privacy with your little family unit.

Surely a sarcastic post? Really call the police in Christmas Day for this? It would give them a laugh anyway

JillyGiraffe · 24/12/2025 08:36

Completely agree with a PP that stocking opening is a more intimate time, especially so early in the morning. Could you hold back some present opening until MIL arrives later? In our house, stockings (upstairs) have very small bits and the children get one present from Father Christmas - the rest is under the tree. Maybe you could do the same so that the children open stockings/one present, then everyone get ready and have breakfast etc and then main present opening at 9am after MIL arrives, if you’re happy to do this.

RedToothBrush · 24/12/2025 08:37

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 24/12/2025 01:13

There is an epidemic of family estrangement today; much has been written about it. It's become very fashionable to be "just our little family" at times like Christmas, and other times, despite the fact that the nuclear unit is how it is every day of the year. These family trends make me so glad I didn't bother with all the expense and sacrifice of having children. My generation is so, so selfish towards their elderly parents. There are echoes of it on this thread from some pp, but mostly I've seen it IRL over and over with my peers. I'd almost say it's normal now for people to not bother with their senior parents, which I think is a disgrace. There are lots of cold attitudes towards grandparents and other family members expressed on MN, too. ETA: And the thread yesterday about the distant DD cancelling her Xmas visit home last-minute had lots of people saying how their unmarried kids didn't even bother coming home for Christmas at all for about five years in a row. I think that's just awful.

If this is the way our culture is going, with parents frequently being locked out of their adult children's lives, or kept at arm's length from them and their grandchildren, then I'm glad I didn't bother. After all, I can't see the trend reversing, since today's children will be learning from today's parents and will be experiencing less time with extended family than previous generations. People are turning their backs on extended family, often for imagined slights and just from pure selfishness. I have seen some truly callous behaviour IRL towards the very people that nurtured and raised them and loved them deeply, including people who were not there for their parents when they were old and ill. There is a LOT of it about.

Some day, the parents of today will be old and quite possibly alone, and they wouldn't like to be excluded from their family's lives. I don't know how that doesn't occur to them as they go about doing the excluding today. Many people's spouses die in their fifties and sixties, and where will you be then, when your children are adults, if you never modelled the importance of extended family to your children? No one wants to be old, alone, and held at arm's length from their adult children and their grandchildren, but many people are doing that today and doing it to parents who loved them dearly.

(I know the OP is having her MIL round at 9 anyway, I'm talking about what I see IRL and the echoes of it that I read on here.)

Seems to me that there are a lot of people in the world who could do with reading A Christmas Carol.

Edited

Whilst you are polishing your halo and congratulating yourself on how wonderful you are I'd like you ponder on two points.

Firstly, not wishing to get out of bed at 6am on Christmas Day to entertain isn't selfish or representative of family estrangement. You seem to be making a parallel that doesn't exist to virtue signal how wonderful you are for being involved with your family. It's just not wanting to make your day longer and more stressful than it needs to be. OP will definitely have MIL over on Christmas Day, she just doesn't want to have to put on a show from 6am and that seems perfectly reasonable to most normal people.

Secondly, this idea that family estrangement is a modern phenomena is fairly wild, given how over the centuries young couples would migrate to different countries and never be heard from again as you couldn't just go home on holiday or even send a letter. You would just leave, forever. And this wasn't unusual. But of course that doesn't count because we don't think about the past in this way and we assume that everyone lived in the same village and the same street forever and don't have any context because it's people who have long been forgotten.

In terms of moving around, my family has disappeared all over the place since the 1830s at least. There's one couple in my family from Gloucestershire who lived in a village that was absolutely decimated as the whole cotton / weaving industry collapsed. More than 50% of the village were destitute and the parish were struggling to support them so they shipped loads of them off to the New World. My ancestors didn't do this. They instead walked to Leeds and never saw their families again. There was no extended family. Two of their daughters eventually moved to Texas too. And this is a fairly typical story of its time.

I've also got Irish Ancestry. My Irish family didn't leave Ireland during the Great Famine which is the opposite to many. They stayed. They started leaving Ireland in the 1870s through to the 1920s. Again never seen again by family. Some of them left for family alienation reasons - my great grandfather wouldn't speak of his family saying only that "they didn't care about me, so why should I care about them".

Suggesting that family estrangement is a new concept is absolute claptrap with no historical accuracy and pretty ignorant tbh. Lots of people might have written about it, but that doesn't mean they aren't writing complete bollocks based on modern day fallacies about the past.

RedToothBrush · 24/12/2025 08:38

SexyFrenchDepression · 24/12/2025 08:26

MN hates in laws and step families, it really isnt a normal representation of real life IMO.

MN has a problem with posters who don't read threads properly too.

I present Exhibit A.

Namechangerage · 24/12/2025 08:39

9am is a HUGE compromise! It’s still too early in my opinion. Opening Santa presents in the morning followed by more presents later is very usual. We take some photos of present opening for grandparents but Christmas morning is just our family unit. I’d be asking her to arrive from 11.

SexyFrenchDepression · 24/12/2025 08:39

fashionqueen0123 · 24/12/2025 08:33

It’s not the person that’s the issue - it’s the 6am timing!
Ive never known anyone do that. If someone came to my house at that time we’d all be asleep and they would be left outside.

Even my kids have never been allowed up at 6am on xmas day so I get that bit. If MIL wanted to come round at 6am she can let herself in and make a cuppa till we got up but I wouldnt exclude her from stocking opening, thats the bit I think is unreasonable(not the rest). I meant from the point of view of how nasty posters have been, telling her to fuck off and that she shouldn't be welcome till 1 etc etc.

Penisbeakeralltheclassics · 24/12/2025 08:42

God you lot are such miserable bastards. Let the woman share the joy.

SexyFrenchDepression · 24/12/2025 08:42

RedToothBrush · 24/12/2025 08:38

MN has a problem with posters who don't read threads properly too.

I present Exhibit A.

What a load of BS. I have clearly said the MIL is unreasonable for her demands but I can show you several posts where posters have been vile towards in laws in general, totally unnecessarily as the OP certainly hasn't. I have read everything properly thanks. I dont have to agree with you, thats the point of AIBU.

Goditsmemargaret · 24/12/2025 08:43

I see why it's early for you but your husband wants her there. I don't think you should have sent the message sorry.

Penisbeakeralltheclassics · 24/12/2025 08:45

Fuck me, she helps you out but you bitch about her because she doesn’t dance to your tune. I think you’re being pretty awful.

SexyFrenchDepression · 24/12/2025 08:46

Goditsmemargaret · 24/12/2025 08:43

I see why it's early for you but your husband wants her there. I don't think you should have sent the message sorry.

I have been accused of not reading the thread but this is the bit most posters seem to be missing. Its her DHs mum, surely they need to agree on this, but its basically OP just saying what she wants. 6am is crazy early but surely there's a better compromise than the OP saying absolutely not to the MIL being there for present opening!

What a bonkers thread.

Nanny0gg · 24/12/2025 08:48

SexyFrenchDepression · 24/12/2025 07:28

And I would probably feel the same if my DH had said my parents couldnt come round early too. Its a shame you are not on the same page as each other (eother way) or willing to compromise, eg slightly later and stockings downstairs but youre entitled to do as you wish in your own home.

Being an only child is irrelevant really, in RL I honestly know more people who treat their parents and in laws as proper close family than how the majority on this thread do. Its not an attitude I recognise. You have been nowhere near as vile towards your MIL as most posters. The intimate family comment was odd IMO as its your DHs mum but if you're not close to her you dont feel that way, and feel strongly enough to not make allowances. Only you can decide if you are happy with the decision you have made, and that its worth any future fall out.

9am is a perfectly reasonable time

And she'll be there for the proper present opening

LittleBitofBread · 24/12/2025 08:49

As usual, you have a husband problem. Explain to him as if to a toddler that you want stocking-opening to be cosy family time and not to have to be properly dressed or fully awake and in social mode, but that his mother is welcome from whatever o’clock onwards.
You could also point out that, as you’re the one cooking and hosting, it’s up to you what time you wish to start making guests cups of tea, food etc. Or perhaps he’d like to take over running around after his mother?

Nanny0gg · 24/12/2025 08:50

SexyFrenchDepression · 24/12/2025 08:46

I have been accused of not reading the thread but this is the bit most posters seem to be missing. Its her DHs mum, surely they need to agree on this, but its basically OP just saying what she wants. 6am is crazy early but surely there's a better compromise than the OP saying absolutely not to the MIL being there for present opening!

What a bonkers thread.

You know that 'not reading the thread bit...?

She WILL be there for the present opening, just not the stockings,

6am is a ridiculous time and 9am is perfectly normal

Notonthestairs · 24/12/2025 08:50

SexyFrenchDepression · 24/12/2025 08:46

I have been accused of not reading the thread but this is the bit most posters seem to be missing. Its her DHs mum, surely they need to agree on this, but its basically OP just saying what she wants. 6am is crazy early but surely there's a better compromise than the OP saying absolutely not to the MIL being there for present opening!

What a bonkers thread.

He’s had his way for the last couple of years. Maybe it’s time the OP’s view was respected.

Nanny0gg · 24/12/2025 08:51

Goditsmemargaret · 24/12/2025 08:43

I see why it's early for you but your husband wants her there. I don't think you should have sent the message sorry.

9am is a perfectly reasonable compromise

Nanny0gg · 24/12/2025 08:51

Penisbeakeralltheclassics · 24/12/2025 08:45

Fuck me, she helps you out but you bitch about her because she doesn’t dance to your tune. I think you’re being pretty awful.

Bitch?

SexyFrenchDepression · 24/12/2025 08:52

Nanny0gg · 24/12/2025 08:50

You know that 'not reading the thread bit...?

She WILL be there for the present opening, just not the stockings,

6am is a ridiculous time and 9am is perfectly normal

Sorry, I meant to type stocking opening. I havent even said 9am isnt ok 🤷‍♀️ I have also said MIL is unreasonable in how she has behaved with it all but I just have an alternative view to some of it. I don't see why its such an issue to some.

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