MIL wants to arrive 6AM Xmas day

[Countrybumpkin19]

My MIL lives on her own and close by.
The last couple of years she has arrived at our house at 6AM on Christmas day as she likes to see my DDs open their stockings. She has never asked me if that's ok (though presumably spoke to my husband about it). I find it far too much - I don't want to have to talk to any visitors at 6AM when I'm half asleep (least of all my MIL) and see it as an invasion of privacy. As far as I see it stocking opening is intimate family time and I feel she enroaches on this.
This year I sent her a really nice text message asking if it would be ok if she arrived at 9AM so that we have a little bit of time first thing to get ready and prepare for the day (I'm doing all the cooking/hosting). She is then welcome to spend the rest of the day with us. She is really upset by this message and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable (it has opened up a big argument between us). AIBU?

Yes she’s overstepping, 6am start is wild!
However it sounds like you have to suck it up, so I’d get on with it if I were you, otherwise you’ll just spoil it for yourself.

Why wouldn't @MadCatHag be serious? OP's MIL could have accepted OP's reasonable message in good faith and agreed to arrive at 9.00 am instead of going crying to OP's DH and causing trouble.

I'm a grandparent and I live alone. I'm close to my children and grandchildren and I'm cooking Christmas dinner for two of my kids and their families today and my other son and his family will come round mid-morning to open presents before going to his in-laws for lunch.

They'll come round at about 10.20 am which is still pretty early. The mere idea of me turning up at any of their homes at 6.00 am to watch my grandchildren open their stocking presents is utterly ridiculous. I'll watch them open their other presents later this morning and I've had my time of getting up at the crack of dawn to watch tmy own children opening their stocking presents.

I think OP's MIL has really over-stepped here and has deliberately caused trouble between OP and her DH.

I don’t think anyone is saying, that it’s ok for grandparents to take over anyone’s home, just that, grandparents ideally, should be treated like close family, so they feel really welcome.

Confess to not having read the full thread, but your MIL is hilarious!

No, you are definitely not being unreasonable!

I help my family a lot. I still wouldn't insist on turning up at 6.00 am on Christmas morning. It's obviously batshit and the fact that MIL doesn't just agree to a 9.00 am arrival time as suggested by OP but ran crying to OP's DH shows that she is a bit of a manipiulative nightmare.

Is your MIL sane the rest of the year? Or is she presumptuous, entitled, interfering and rude all the time?

If it's all year, I think I'd be planning a long distance house move to get away from her.

You should have discussed your message with your dh before you sent it, but equally, he should never allowed the situation to arise in the first place.

Jesus Christ!! I’m reading this as I drink my coffee in bed. We alternate Christmas Day with DSC and this year we’re having our Xmas with them today. We’ve told them they can get up at 7.30 for stockings, which gives me time to have my coffee, check MN and then read for a bit before having to face the world. I can’t imagine anything starting at 6am, including guests arriving. 9am is still generous.

Solution - let your husband take DDs to MIL's house at 6am to open some presents while you get a nice Christmas lie in

So for you it’s ok for a husband and wife to welcome their young children into bed with them to open their stockings, and his mum as well?

That would make me extremely uncomfortable.

Plus the OP has said now that MiL’s presence means they can’t do it in the warm bed, instead they have to go and sit in the cold lounge while still sleepy, and make small talk and tea. It’s not a relaxed start to the day at all. MiL needs to wait at home until a reasonable hour and come round for tree presents- which would absolutely be acceptable. Even coming for breakfast. But not for the pre-dawn small-kids excitement.

It's mostly the posters who are telling OP that she'll be sorry when MIL is dead and a couple of lunatics who are saying 'aaaah, it's lovely that your husband wants to see his mum tucked up with you in your bed, watching her grandchildren open their stockings'.

Thanks again for everyone's thoughts. Rather amazed by how much attention this thread has received!
I agree my MIL is close family, but at the same time she's not someone I feel very comfortable with and I have to put a lot of effort in with her. Hence I prefer to be ready when she arrives. I'm aware she's a great grandmother to my girls and I would never want to exclude her from the rest of the Christmas celebrations, including opening the main presents. We have no space to put her up, and she lives only 10 mins away so it wouldn't make sense anyway.
I did let my husband know I was sending the message beforehand though he wasn't keen that I did. He has known my thoughts about her coming at 6AM ever since the first year. I also messaged rather than phoned her as I worried about getting over emotional on the phone and things coming out wrong.

If she arrives and entertains the kids for a few hours while you are sorting out the cooking I don't see the problem. If she arrives and expects to be entertained it is! My mum would have been welcome any time, she was just part of the family. I know MIL is different for you, but she is your DH's mum, so is just part of the family to him.

And the more reasonable view is that the MIL is selfish and entitled to think she has the right to disrupt her DILs sleep, arrive before DIL has even got out of bed, had a chance to shower, dress or have a drink. Before it is even light.

It is the height of ignorance and ill manners, and beyond comprehension.

My MIL once asked me if I was going to go over and watch my DN opening his presents. I told her I wouldn’t dream of imposing on his parents that early in the morning.

My dad used to do this.

He’d arrive at 5:30am, make an absolute racket getting presents out of his car. He was happy just to sit and doze on the sofa though.

Id let him in and go back to bed, the children would wake at about 7am and go downstairs.

It was okay as he didn’t expect me to sit and chat at that time.

The unreasonable part is that she is demanding it, of course thats not ok, if the family were happy for her to go then wanting to join in that part of the day isnt selfish at all. Normal families surely discuss these things like grown ups. Clearly OP and her DH arent on the same page, and MIL insisting upon it is not on.

Some of the attitudes towards people's own parents on here is horrible though. The OP hasnt said the MIL is an awful person so the nastiness towards her seems well OTT.

I hope that you are sticking to your guns about your MIL arriving at 9.00 am rather than 6.00 am. It sounds as though your husband has a history of pandering to his mum and letting her have her own way because he can't stand the tears and the guilt trips.

Don't forget the posters who insinuated that OP is getting free childcare and therefore MIL is entitled to rock up at her house whenever she wants.

I regularly dog sit for my MIL. He's great and I would never charge her for this. Does that entitle me to turn up at her house at 6am whenever I fancy taking him for a walk? Because the logic is the same.

And after all I'm family, not a guest.

(MIL would think I was bonkers and rude if I did this).

My husband (as an only child) is extremely close to his mum and likes having her there. He genuinely doesn't understand why I have an issue with it.

Only 10 mins away! Text her and say she can come round at 1pm.

Why? Just to be spiteful? Ffs.

Don’t most people see their parents/grandparents in the afternoon? It’s not like MIL lives hours away and is staying over. Morning is too early on Christmas Day and I wouldn’t want to be with MIL from the morning until the late evening!

We used to have MIL stay Christmas Eve but the constant remarks meant a stop to it. I used to do the magic dust, carrots for Rudolph & mince pie & milk for Santa & she would make comments like, she’d say I wouldn’t be putting all that glitter on my doorstep you’re creating work for yourself & the plate with the leftovers of the tribute to Santa the kids used to rush & check was filled with sweet wrappers where she had sat downstairs on her own & demolished a box of roses. I didn’t care for the chocolate but the kids looking bewildered the next day really cheesed me off & she said oh I put those wrappers on the plate, we had to make an excuse that nanny woke earlier than we did whilst she rolled her eyes & making a comment on how she now looks like a greedy pig, why couldn’t she just put them in the bin or back in the box. The tutting at how much we must have spent whilst the kids opened their presents etc.

my husband is very quick to pick his mom up on these things. She did it 2 years on the bounce & he actually said to her Christmas morning. Mom I warned you to not do this so now this is your last one. I will be collecting you Christmas Day from now on & he did. She was really upset saying she was missing the special time with her grandkids but he told her you’re spoiling our special moments with our kids. I never liked his mom being here for present opening anyway for years she’d make comments in a more passive aggressive way but she became more vocal & was now saying it in front of the kids, but even if she didn’t do this I still think it should be a moment you have with just yourselves. It’s really the only time you have in the whole day alone

And I would probably feel the same if my DH had said my parents couldnt come round early too. Its a shame you are not on the same page as each other (eother way) or willing to compromise, eg slightly later and stockings downstairs but youre entitled to do as you wish in your own home.

Being an only child is irrelevant really, in RL I honestly know more people who treat their parents and in laws as proper close family than how the majority on this thread do. Its not an attitude I recognise. You have been nowhere near as vile towards your MIL as most posters. The intimate family comment was odd IMO as its your DHs mum but if you're not close to her you dont feel that way, and feel strongly enough to not make allowances. Only you can decide if you are happy with the decision you have made, and that its worth any future fall out.