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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL wants to arrive 6AM Xmas day

702 replies

Countrybumpkin19 · 23/12/2025 18:53

My MIL lives on her own and close by.
The last couple of years she has arrived at our house at 6AM on Christmas day as she likes to see my DDs open their stockings. She has never asked me if that's ok (though presumably spoke to my husband about it). I find it far too much - I don't want to have to talk to any visitors at 6AM when I'm half asleep (least of all my MIL) and see it as an invasion of privacy. As far as I see it stocking opening is intimate family time and I feel she enroaches on this.
This year I sent her a really nice text message asking if it would be ok if she arrived at 9AM so that we have a little bit of time first thing to get ready and prepare for the day (I'm doing all the cooking/hosting). She is then welcome to spend the rest of the day with us. She is really upset by this message and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable (it has opened up a big argument between us). AIBU?

OP posts:
Kerry242 · 23/12/2025 23:39

For me it's not that unreasonable. We have all the Grandparents sleeping over so they can be involved in Christmas morning and see all the presents being opened. They are here now!

Can she sleep over, so it doesn't feel like you're receiving guests at 6am?

Bless her - she must be setting her alarm clock to go off at 5am just to get there. Sounds like she really loves your kids.

I mean yeah a Grandparent getting into bed with you to see the kids open stockings is too much. But I guess she just wants to be a part of the pj's and see/hear the squeals of excitement.

How about tell her 7.30 - 8am, and make a promise the kids won't go into the living room to see if Santa has been until then?

That way you get your stockings in bed and she still gets to see the kids running into the living room to see if Santa came?

Crikeyalmighty · 23/12/2025 23:41

SillyNavyTiger · 23/12/2025 23:34

I am not sure why you think pjs are making it any less weird 😂😂
I honestly didn't imagine your husband naked in bed with his MIL in a frilly nighty 😂.

You can be blessed outside of the privacy of your own bedroom!
Its utterly bizarre to me that none of the adults involved found it uncomfortable to say the least.

Personally I would find this really really odd -

TopazQuartz · 24/12/2025 00:07

SweetHydrangea · 23/12/2025 18:57

Absolutely not being unreasonable. 6am fml!!! In what mind does she or anyone else think that’s an acceptable time to come round someone’s house. The only time I’ve had visitors that early is when I was in labour and my parents came to look after my oldest! Tell her and your husband to get over it and keep your foot firmly on the floor!

Agree. Absolutely NO! And tell both your husband and MIL they need to RADICALLY ADJUST their expectations!

I wouldn't even give a polite answer to this request. Makes me angry even reading about it lol.

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 24/12/2025 00:14

IndolentCat · 23/12/2025 22:24

Stockings are usually opened in/on beds, often the parents’ bed. First up, therefore yes it’s flipping weird to bring your mum into that scenario when you’re an adult with children and a partner of your own, and secondly, why isn’t he relishing seeing his kids open their stockings with THEIR mum, HIS WIFE!?

I'm SURE he's relishing that TOO! It's not ONE or the OTHER! 🤣

ITSSSSCHRISTMASSS · 24/12/2025 00:16

Give her a key, tell her to let herself in and make a brew until the kids get up and suggest she dose her own little gift exchange with the DCs before you get up. Then at 9am ask her to send the kids up to you guys and do your own family thing while she gets the breakfast going.

When I was younger my DB & SIL hated getting up early, I’d regularly stay at their house Christmas Eve or just be getting in from a night out and go straight to their place, I’d play with my Neices and give them my gifts while DB and SIL slept in then send the kids to wake them up. They didn’t do stockings in bed but would come down and do presents then. Admittedly I’d usually crawl into the spare room bed till lunch time at this point.

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 24/12/2025 00:17

ProcrastinatorsAnonymous · 23/12/2025 23:36

Oh dear... This is sad. I would feel exactly the same as you, OP. It's private parent & child time - the magical 15 mins when you have just woken up, and you snuggle in bed and open stockings and see that pure joy - that moment when they realise that the day they've been counting down to is ACTUALLY here and ACTUALLY happening at last.

I bet you will really miss it when it's gone. I know I will. And it sounds like she is yearning for that. She can't have it - those years have ended for her, as they must for all parents. She should've realised that and not tried to muscle in on your time - because it is your time, and she is taking something away from you. But I do feel for her. I don't think you've done anything wrong by setting the boundary and you should hold firm - but as kindly as you can. Hope your DH comes around.

I'm not understanding how a grandparent's presence takes anything away from the magic.

MumWifeOther · 24/12/2025 00:18

Countrybumpkin19 · 23/12/2025 18:53

My MIL lives on her own and close by.
The last couple of years she has arrived at our house at 6AM on Christmas day as she likes to see my DDs open their stockings. She has never asked me if that's ok (though presumably spoke to my husband about it). I find it far too much - I don't want to have to talk to any visitors at 6AM when I'm half asleep (least of all my MIL) and see it as an invasion of privacy. As far as I see it stocking opening is intimate family time and I feel she enroaches on this.
This year I sent her a really nice text message asking if it would be ok if she arrived at 9AM so that we have a little bit of time first thing to get ready and prepare for the day (I'm doing all the cooking/hosting). She is then welcome to spend the rest of the day with us. She is really upset by this message and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable (it has opened up a big argument between us). AIBU?

There is no way I would entertain this!

YourHappyGoldExpert · 24/12/2025 00:19

Pereniallyannoyed · 23/12/2025 19:01

I’m going to presume the 7% of those who voted YABU are MIL’s.

I'm a MIL and I don't think she's being unreasonable. I don't want to be at anyone's house at 6am myself.

Journeycake · 24/12/2025 00:28

And here I am thinking 9am is too early for my MIL to arrive and should I tell her to come at 11 instead 😂
6am is ridiculous.

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 24/12/2025 00:37

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 23/12/2025 22:27

All my Christian friends said their stockings were hung off the fire place mantle in the living room or on the dining table with name tags- I have never heard of it being done in bed. Do people really do that?

Absolutely, and I'd say that stockings on the bed are the traditional way of doing it. After all, you take your stockings off when you go to bed. Santa picks one up and stuffs it with gifts, putting it on your bed so you have gifts when you wake up, and the stocking was a convenient holder!

Unless you get undressed in the living room and leave your stockings flung about downstairs like a slattern!!!

Hiptothisjive · 24/12/2025 00:42

‘stocking opening is intimate family time’. Good grief.

CookingFatCat · 24/12/2025 00:42

Not sounding mean but she’s had her kids opening gifts memories!! Don’t let her take yours or make you change it.

Your stocking opening is the same as ours, everything is wrapped too 😁 no way do I want an onlooker in on that scenario.

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 24/12/2025 00:43

Tortielady · 23/12/2025 22:47

My MiL, may her memory be a blessing, could be a handful, but she'd have considered a 6am start excessive. If she and I had anything in common, we were both larks and enjoyed an orderly start to the day, ideally around 8am, with coffee, toast, marmalade (thick-cut for me, a more refined thin-cut for her) and the papers. I can't imagine her depriving children and grandchildren of a lie-in at any time of the year.

6am at the end of December is effectively the middle of the night - even our bossy tortie doesn't think it's breakfast time😁 If DH wants to see his DM at that unholy hour, send him round to hers. They can return to yours later in the morning when cooking lunch gets underway!

You have a bossy tortoise? Do you have video?

Thoseslippers · 24/12/2025 00:44

Hahaha No. She can f right off. Who goes to someone's house at 6am??!! Nuts.

However in my family we usually have my mum round christmas day and we save the big presents till she gets here. So lunchtime. Kids open stockings when they wake up. Then we had breakfast and go for a walk. Then mum arrives and we open big gifts under the tree.
We've done this ever year and my kids are all primary aged and accept that. Kids are perfectly capable of waiting to open some presents.
I do think its only faur my mum gets to see them open some gifts.

TopazQuartz · 24/12/2025 00:59

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 24/12/2025 00:17

I'm not understanding how a grandparent's presence takes anything away from the magic.

Grandparents bring a special unique magic when they are good grandparents. It's just the time, surely. I mean will she want to be there at 5 next year 😁worse than the kids!

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 24/12/2025 01:13

There is an epidemic of family estrangement today; much has been written about it. It's become very fashionable to be "just our little family" at times like Christmas, and other times, despite the fact that the nuclear unit is how it is every day of the year. These family trends make me so glad I didn't bother with all the expense and sacrifice of having children. My generation is so, so selfish towards their elderly parents. There are echoes of it on this thread from some pp, but mostly I've seen it IRL over and over with my peers. I'd almost say it's normal now for people to not bother with their senior parents, which I think is a disgrace. There are lots of cold attitudes towards grandparents and other family members expressed on MN, too. ETA: And the thread yesterday about the distant DD cancelling her Xmas visit home last-minute had lots of people saying how their unmarried kids didn't even bother coming home for Christmas at all for about five years in a row. I think that's just awful.

If this is the way our culture is going, with parents frequently being locked out of their adult children's lives, or kept at arm's length from them and their grandchildren, then I'm glad I didn't bother. After all, I can't see the trend reversing, since today's children will be learning from today's parents and will be experiencing less time with extended family than previous generations. People are turning their backs on extended family, often for imagined slights and just from pure selfishness. I have seen some truly callous behaviour IRL towards the very people that nurtured and raised them and loved them deeply, including people who were not there for their parents when they were old and ill. There is a LOT of it about.

Some day, the parents of today will be old and quite possibly alone, and they wouldn't like to be excluded from their family's lives. I don't know how that doesn't occur to them as they go about doing the excluding today. Many people's spouses die in their fifties and sixties, and where will you be then, when your children are adults, if you never modelled the importance of extended family to your children? No one wants to be old, alone, and held at arm's length from their adult children and their grandchildren, but many people are doing that today and doing it to parents who loved them dearly.

(I know the OP is having her MIL round at 9 anyway, I'm talking about what I see IRL and the echoes of it that I read on here.)

Seems to me that there are a lot of people in the world who could do with reading A Christmas Carol.

FreeRangeClassA6LargeEggs · 24/12/2025 01:21

10am is reasonable if she's staying all day. 9am is very reasonable of you

Thoseslippers · 24/12/2025 01:22

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 24/12/2025 01:13

There is an epidemic of family estrangement today; much has been written about it. It's become very fashionable to be "just our little family" at times like Christmas, and other times, despite the fact that the nuclear unit is how it is every day of the year. These family trends make me so glad I didn't bother with all the expense and sacrifice of having children. My generation is so, so selfish towards their elderly parents. There are echoes of it on this thread from some pp, but mostly I've seen it IRL over and over with my peers. I'd almost say it's normal now for people to not bother with their senior parents, which I think is a disgrace. There are lots of cold attitudes towards grandparents and other family members expressed on MN, too. ETA: And the thread yesterday about the distant DD cancelling her Xmas visit home last-minute had lots of people saying how their unmarried kids didn't even bother coming home for Christmas at all for about five years in a row. I think that's just awful.

If this is the way our culture is going, with parents frequently being locked out of their adult children's lives, or kept at arm's length from them and their grandchildren, then I'm glad I didn't bother. After all, I can't see the trend reversing, since today's children will be learning from today's parents and will be experiencing less time with extended family than previous generations. People are turning their backs on extended family, often for imagined slights and just from pure selfishness. I have seen some truly callous behaviour IRL towards the very people that nurtured and raised them and loved them deeply, including people who were not there for their parents when they were old and ill. There is a LOT of it about.

Some day, the parents of today will be old and quite possibly alone, and they wouldn't like to be excluded from their family's lives. I don't know how that doesn't occur to them as they go about doing the excluding today. Many people's spouses die in their fifties and sixties, and where will you be then, when your children are adults, if you never modelled the importance of extended family to your children? No one wants to be old, alone, and held at arm's length from their adult children and their grandchildren, but many people are doing that today and doing it to parents who loved them dearly.

(I know the OP is having her MIL round at 9 anyway, I'm talking about what I see IRL and the echoes of it that I read on here.)

Seems to me that there are a lot of people in the world who could do with reading A Christmas Carol.

Edited

It's important to have boundaries.
I say this as someone who cares for their elderly mother. I do her cleaning and shopping. I wash her hair. I do her laundrey. I had her living with me for a year. And this is on top of having 3 young children and a full time job.
Someone turning up at your home at 6am uninvited is nuts. Unless you are OK with it its important to make a boundary here before you end up losing it and fracturing the relationship because you've got too resentful.
Boundaries stop resentment from growing. You need to know what your limits are. Relationships are compromises and that is true of parent child relationships too. Hopefully a compromise can be made here. Because obviously the mum turning up at 6am is not OK. But her wish to be part of the christmas magic is understandable.
Like I said in my previous post I personally save the big gifts to open when my mum gets here (which is after midday) so she gets to share in that but I dont have to welcome a guest at the crack of dawn.

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 24/12/2025 01:24

Thoseslippers · 24/12/2025 01:22

It's important to have boundaries.
I say this as someone who cares for their elderly mother. I do her cleaning and shopping. I wash her hair. I do her laundrey. I had her living with me for a year. And this is on top of having 3 young children and a full time job.
Someone turning up at your home at 6am uninvited is nuts. Unless you are OK with it its important to make a boundary here before you end up losing it and fracturing the relationship because you've got too resentful.
Boundaries stop resentment from growing. You need to know what your limits are. Relationships are compromises and that is true of parent child relationships too. Hopefully a compromise can be made here. Because obviously the mum turning up at 6am is not OK. But her wish to be part of the christmas magic is understandable.
Like I said in my previous post I personally save the big gifts to open when my mum gets here (which is after midday) so she gets to share in that but I dont have to welcome a guest at the crack of dawn.

I did say that I know the OP is having her MIL round at 9 am anyway, and that I was talking about what I see IRL and the echoes of it that I read on here.

ETA: I think it's weird that you see your mum as a guest. She's not, she's family. When your kids are adults and they come home, will you see them as guests not family, too?

Derbee · 24/12/2025 01:30

Pereniallyannoyed · 23/12/2025 19:01

I’m going to presume the 7% of those who voted YABU are MIL’s.

I’m not! I have a young child, and appreciate how lucky we are, when it makes Christmas so magical. If my MIL wants to join in on the magic of Christmas with a little one, I’m happy to share. We don’t travel to her, but she’s welcome to join us for presents and stockings. She comes in the afternoon, but if she cared enough to be at ours early enough for stockings, she’d be welcome.

harveythehorse · 24/12/2025 01:31

When DD was a small & my mother stayed for Christmas Eve, she would absolutely get her dressing gown on & join us by sitting on the edge of the bed for stocking time at a similar time in the morning. It’s a magical phase & I was happy to share that with her - I would have been equally happy if my MIL had wanted to join.

But if it makes you feel uncomfortable that’s different. If staying with you isn’t an option, could she make up her own stocking to leave by your fireplace (or wherever FC leaves them) so that she could open them with the children? It sounds like she’s lonely & wanting to be part of it & as the mother of a teenager I can completely understand it.

DreamTheMoors · 24/12/2025 01:31

I’m only at the bottom of page 1, but I’m surprised nobody’s mentioned THE GIGANTIC INVASION OF PRIVACY GRANNY IS COMMITTING WHEN SHE SHOWS UP AT 6AM.

What’s her number? I’ll call her and politely ask her to refrain from arriving in the middle of the fking night. I’ll just remind her that she isn’t in charge of YOUR HOUSE.

Bones101 · 24/12/2025 01:32

Why haven't you invited her to stay over in the house on Christmas eve like most families do when a grandparent is alone.

TeaBiscuitsNaptime · 24/12/2025 01:32

It would be a big no from me

Okiedokie123 · 24/12/2025 01:52

Fraudornot · 23/12/2025 19:53

aww one day she won’t be here and you will miss the 6am starts - bet your kids like having her there

Gawd no!
Christmas even with little one never started before 8am in my house. They are adults now. 6am is night o’clock!
Regardless of how much the kids may love her, 6am is a ridiculous time to arrive. 10-11am is standard in this house.