MIL wants to arrive 6AM Xmas day

[Countrybumpkin19]

My MIL lives on her own and close by.
The last couple of years she has arrived at our house at 6AM on Christmas day as she likes to see my DDs open their stockings. She has never asked me if that's ok (though presumably spoke to my husband about it). I find it far too much - I don't want to have to talk to any visitors at 6AM when I'm half asleep (least of all my MIL) and see it as an invasion of privacy. As far as I see it stocking opening is intimate family time and I feel she enroaches on this.
This year I sent her a really nice text message asking if it would be ok if she arrived at 9AM so that we have a little bit of time first thing to get ready and prepare for the day (I'm doing all the cooking/hosting). She is then welcome to spend the rest of the day with us. She is really upset by this message and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable (it has opened up a big argument between us). AIBU?

She had her years of young children opening gifts I dare say WITHOUT her mother or mil looming over them…

hold firm, 6am is too early, it’s 9am or not until lunchtime. Your MIL is being wholly unreasonable

@Countrybumpkin19 this IS the hill to die on.

Stockings are usually opened in/on beds, often the parents’ bed. First up, therefore yes it’s flipping weird to bring your mum into that scenario when you’re an adult with children and a partner of your own, and secondly, why isn’t he relishing seeing his kids open their stockings with THEIR mum, HIS WIFE!?

The only unreasonable thing is how you handled it.
You can’t just override your husband’s invite to MIL without even speaking to him first.
This is also not the kind of thing you do over text, especially not to that generation.

You should have talked to your DH first so you’d be a united front and then both told her this year that next year 6am is too early.

You can always tell the kids to wait until 9am for stockings.

I voted you are technically not being unreasonable because 6am is bonkers I am not a morning person), but if my MIL, who I really like, would want to show up that early as to no miss a moment I'd absolutely let her. I would however not get out of bed any earlier, and let her prep breakfast and get the coffee going by herself. Zero issues with that, in fact I would be really amused by it.

Er, no.

All my Christian friends said their stockings were hung off the fire place mantle in the living room or on the dining table with name tags- I have never heard of it being done in bed. Do people really do that?

Why can’t he enjoy watching the children open their stockings presents with their mother and grandmother? The two are not mutually exclusive?

Why does the whole family need to watch the children open the presents on Christmas morning?? Surely you’re allowed to be a family - husband, wife, children - unit and have some special moments without your MIL feeling entitled to encroach.

MIL will get to see her GC open Christmas presents when she arrives with Christmas presents. Sometime a bit later than 6 bloody am! At least let OP get her morning piss before opening the front door.

She is utterly unreasonable. My DH also seemed to think the children opening stockings was some kind of show for his parents to watch. They (DC) hated it - of course! Watching the open presents around the tree when everyone else is also receiving gifts is fine, but opening stockings in their pjs as a spectator sport - no. And also for you that is shit. If you are anything like me, you'll have been wrapping presents late and just want to sit in your dressing gown for a while drinking coffee.

I have very fond memories of my lovely Grandpa staying over on Christmas Eve after my Nan had died.

This is how it is for my kids.

I have a pic that I treasure of my dad opening the bedroom door looking knackered & dishevelled with the biggest grin & the kids with clutching their stockings to show him what they've got.

I don’t know anyone whose stocking didn’t arrive on their bed and who didn’t either open it in their own or a sibling’s bed, or take it to parents’ bed to open. Very few people have mantelpieces or even dining tables… and it’s much cosier in bed at that time in the morning! Really I’ve only heard of people going downstairs for stockings in very old books written about wealthy families.

However, even if you went downstairs for your stocking, 6am is too early to be entertaining visitors.

If your widowed its actually quite important for children to keep intouch with Dads family ie the in-laws.

6AM in mid-winter is still nighttime WTAF. She shouldn't be there before sunrise. 9am is definitely reasonable.

your husband was happy with his MIL coming to his bedroom when he was in bed? Seriously?

I am not even sure I'd be happy for my own mum and dad to come to my bedroom at 6am and sit on my bed with my husband in it too 😂😂They are too respectful to do that anyway.

Sorry but that's all very weird.

This is one of the most insane things I’ve ever heard in my life. I couldn’t get my mother to leave the house until 11.30am.

6am is bonkers. So is 9am.

If she doesn't want to be by herself, can she stay over?
If she doesn't want to stay over, then she should arrive at lunchtime like a normal person.
I simply don't understand why she needs to be there to see the kids opening gifts. Can't she just hold back her own so she can see their reaction. She doesn't need to see them open every gift surely?

I don't think you should have sent her a text though. It should have come from your husband but I am guessing he wouldn't send it so it had to be you?

My MIL is quite manipulative and cried tears when we said (via DH) that we wouldn't be spending the entire day at her house. I refused to give in and its now the norm.

YANBU but probably should have got DH on board first rather than telling her without him knowing

Just to add it is 100% fine that you texted her. Doesn't need a phone call or a letter on the finest stationary to adjust the (utterly inhumanely early) arrival time. You MIL and DH are completely unreasonable that they thought this was okay and normal and didn't run it past you first.

“Stocking opening is intimate family time” is absolutely ridiculous 😂

Pitching up at anyone’s house at 6am for anything other than an emergency is also ridiculous 😂

Let her be pissed off. When the stockings are done, send the DC down to her with your DH and tell him to get everyone breakfast while you get some more sleep. Only fair seeing as you’ll be doing the cooking later.

Even when my son was young, we had a rule 'no stockings before 7 am'!! My parents and my SIL come to me on Christmas Day, and it's been that way since my son has been born. At no point have my parents or SIL turned up at 6 am on the doorstep, using the excuse they wanted to 'watch my son open his presents'!!! I think 9 am is generous!! I don't want my guests turning up much before 11 am!! I'd be massively pissed off, and I can see why you're peeved OP. I rather suspect that your husband doesn't want to say anything to his Mum, because he knows it will upset her. If he won't support you over this, then he can get up at stupid o'clock to welcome his Mum and entertain her, until you decide to show your face!!

My MiL, may her memory be a blessing, could be a handful, but she'd have considered a 6am start excessive. If she and I had anything in common, we were both larks and enjoyed an orderly start to the day, ideally around 8am, with coffee, toast, marmalade (thick-cut for me, a more refined thin-cut for her) and the papers. I can't imagine her depriving children and grandchildren of a lie-in at any time of the year.

6am at the end of December is effectively the middle of the night - even our bossy tortie doesn't think it's breakfast time😁 If DH wants to see his DM at that unholy hour, send him round to hers. They can return to yours later in the morning when cooking lunch gets underway!

6am is bonkers.

No one can argue with that. But you’ve really shot yourself if the foot b by not getting your DH on side first.

Is she very involved in your day to day as this will change things. For her.

I haven't voted as I wouldnt find MIL coming over early an issue however we would have discussed it first and sorted a suitable time, that is where MIL is unreasonable, as is your DH, but you make it fairly clear its a bit personal and you're not that keen on her. My MIL saw me in all states so 1st thing in the morning would not bother me in the slightest. I would happily have her over a 6am on xmas day if it meant she was still with us!

I would never say no to MIL or my parents coming over to see the DC open their presents. In fact my parents did this for years, we agreed 8am at latest but would call them as soon as DC were up (never before 7am). DC waited upstairs for them to come round so they could then go downstairs when they arrived to see if Santa had been. They lived less than 5 mins away in the car. It was lovely TBH.

However, they would never have dictated they were coming at a certain time.

My DC are late teens and my DPs still come round as they still want to see them, we compromise at 10am now (a bit early for teens but they want to see my parents and it gives us time to do presents before pub and dinner).

When I said that stocking opening is 'intimate family time' I mean that the kids using pile into our bed in their PJs to open them (they are usually up pretty early). There's no way I want my MIL sitting in bed with us! Instead when she has come early the last couple of years we have had to open the stockings with her at 6/6.30 in a freezing cold living room, having just woken up and still groggy, whilst trying to make polite conversation with her. Then she is wanting a cup of tea/breakfast etc. Not how I would like to start Christmas day!

It was always after 7am. My husband was wearing pyjamas (as were the children snd I). My mother was wearing a nightie covered by a long dressing gown. She sat on a clothes chest at the foot of the bed - not on the bed, if that helps make it less weird to you.
Christmas mornings when my children were little were full of happiness; my husband and I knew how lucky and blessed we were, and we were both pleased to be able to spread the joy a little bit further.