MIL wants to arrive 6AM Xmas day

[Countrybumpkin19]

My MIL lives on her own and close by.
The last couple of years she has arrived at our house at 6AM on Christmas day as she likes to see my DDs open their stockings. She has never asked me if that's ok (though presumably spoke to my husband about it). I find it far too much - I don't want to have to talk to any visitors at 6AM when I'm half asleep (least of all my MIL) and see it as an invasion of privacy. As far as I see it stocking opening is intimate family time and I feel she enroaches on this.
This year I sent her a really nice text message asking if it would be ok if she arrived at 9AM so that we have a little bit of time first thing to get ready and prepare for the day (I'm doing all the cooking/hosting). She is then welcome to spend the rest of the day with us. She is really upset by this message and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable (it has opened up a big argument between us). AIBU?

My thoughts exactly. Why is anyone going down to open the door!

I don't think you'll 'win' this one with DH or he would have changed it by now. I'd have her stay over and she can get up when you all want to and help cook if DH isn't going to. But then all this "intimate family time" "little family unit" etc is twee nonsense to me.

Sounds like the son/ husband’s feelings probably don’t come into the equation with this unit commander…and possibly not the kids’ feelings either.

Are you serious? OP has asked MIL to come at 9am, not 6am, and now she's a 'unit commander' who doesn't consider her husband or children's feelings.

This thread is bizarre. I'm glad my MIL is normal 😅

it's a public form my dear, feel free to move away from this thread if you can't cope with my perfectly reasonable answers because I have touched a nerve with you, no one is making you read my posts.

Talking about my "coffin" how lovely do you sound, merry Christmas to you 👋

You’ve totally lost me now 🤣

I’ve never said anything about 6am

Probably hoping to keep her quiet enough so she doesn't wake up the few who managed to stay asleep despite the noise 😂

So kids may sleep in and you've got to be up for her at 6am anyway. Fuck that

Aw. I wish I had a MIL who loved my DC so much that she wanted to come and see them open their stocking presents. I’ll trade you.

I would be interested to know though how much involvement MIL has on a day to day basis- does she provide childcare, babysit a lot etc ? Not that this entitles her to feel she can come round at an inappropriate time, but it may be she feels a bigger involvement than average and hence wanting to be there at that moment . I have seen this happen before when parents and adult children live very close, mother or mil becomes like a surrogate mother and over involved . May not be the case at all of course, but it wouldn’t suprise me , especially as she’s on her own

No, but my DM died unexpectedly recently and I think that sways me -we don't know how long we've got each other, and it's nice to let someone 'have' something that means a lot to them once a year. My DC would love for their grandma to watch them open their stockings one more time this Christmas.

I'd also argue that a grandparent is pretty close family.

Could she let herself in if you left a key, and just sit quietly downstairs with a book until the DC wake up?

I think a reasonable time to turn up would be for the meal or main present opening, whichever is earlier in your home.

Can she not sleep over? I have such lovely memories of my Grandparents coming out the spare bedroom in their dressing gowns, half asleep, every Christmas Day. It was the only time they ever slept over and I loved it.

We are usually up around 6am here, a little later if I am lucky, and our kids are a long long way past toddler stage. I usually have my Mum stay here on Christmas Eve, so she's here when we open presents in the morning. However if she wasn't here I would go get her for present opening if she wanted to watch, so I could hardly refuse to do the same for my mother-in-law. My Mum is aging rapidly though now she's in her 80s so I always wonder how many more Christmas we have left.

Lots of posters are saying how stocking opening/Christmas morning is just for their spouse and kids.

But how does it make any difference having a grandparent there?

Why is it worse?

And don't you have time every day of the whole year being just your spouse and kids?

My FIL sadly now deceased turned up on our doorstep on Christmas morning at 6am on the first year we were married, The turkey he brought was frozen solid. We were in the bath, the turkey joined the bath after we got out.

Op loves a lay in, why can't mil let her have that?

See my suggestion in last paragraph.

@FairViewRosie25what a great memory! Made me smile just reading it

6 am is ridiculous.

But then so is describing kids opening Christmas stockings as “intimate family
time”. Wtf?

No way 6am is nuts

A mother-in-law arriving at any time is unreasonable, by definition. 😄

Christmas is a special day, it should be even more important to spend it just with spouse and kids.

And who wants to have to go and get ready by 6am on a holiday because MIL has decided to barge in? The difference is being unable to chill in your pjs and the privacy of your own home!

My gran used to stay over on Christmas Eve, it was also the only time she stayed as otherwise we went to hers for babysitting. It was so nice. Christmas really began when she arrived on Christmas Eve. Best times ever

My mum always came at 6am to see the present opening. She IS intimate family and I would have been so upset if my husband told her not to come, fortunately they got on really well. If your husband wants his mum there then you shouldn't be telling her not to come until 9. She is intimate family too.

My mother used to come into our bedroom to watch the children open their stockings when they were little, but we never let this happen before 7am.
I was close to my Mum - and I knew it would give her a pleasure to be there - so it felt right to make her happy in this way.
Because of this I can see where your husband is coming from: happy mother, happy kids, what’s not to love?
I doubt my mother would have bothered driving round early just to see the stockings being opened if she wasn’t there already though so your mother in law must be very keen!
I know most people don’t agree, but I’d suck it up if I was you: be kind to your mother in law and let your husband have a happy Mum on Christmas Day.