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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL wants to arrive 6AM Xmas day

702 replies

Countrybumpkin19 · 23/12/2025 18:53

My MIL lives on her own and close by.
The last couple of years she has arrived at our house at 6AM on Christmas day as she likes to see my DDs open their stockings. She has never asked me if that's ok (though presumably spoke to my husband about it). I find it far too much - I don't want to have to talk to any visitors at 6AM when I'm half asleep (least of all my MIL) and see it as an invasion of privacy. As far as I see it stocking opening is intimate family time and I feel she enroaches on this.
This year I sent her a really nice text message asking if it would be ok if she arrived at 9AM so that we have a little bit of time first thing to get ready and prepare for the day (I'm doing all the cooking/hosting). She is then welcome to spend the rest of the day with us. She is really upset by this message and my husband thinks I'm being unreasonable (it has opened up a big argument between us). AIBU?

OP posts:
liamharha · 23/12/2025 21:33

Needspaceforlego · 23/12/2025 20:16

6am would be a massive get lost to me. My kids have never been up that early. I'm normally really late to be on Christmas Eve too.

I'd maybe suggest she comes round once kids are up but 6am is just ridiculous

7

NearlyMonday · 23/12/2025 21:34

Happyjoe · 23/12/2025 21:29

God, MIL is rude and entitled. Sorry hubby doesn't have your back.. but honestly, no, I'd not let anyone in at 6am.

This!

Growlybear83 · 23/12/2025 21:36

I agree that it’s unreasonable for your MIL to arrive at 6 am bit I also think it’s ridiculously early for anyone to be up at that time on Christmas Day! When my daughter was young, she only had tiny presents in her stocking, which she opened when she woke up, and then we all got up at about 9 and went downstairs to open the main presents

AgnesMcDoo · 23/12/2025 21:37

TheBlueHedgehog · 23/12/2025 21:06

I missed the part where OP said that they would all be up at 6am. Could you point that out for me?

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That was not my suggestion 🤣🤷‍♀️

AgnesMcDoo · 23/12/2025 21:38

AngelinaFibres · 23/12/2025 20:58

This is such a nasty thread.

Isn’t it just

NewGoldDream2026 · 23/12/2025 21:39

Spartak · 23/12/2025 19:06

Do you have space for her to stay the night before? I've woken up in an empty house on Christmas day and not seen another human until 2pm and it's pretty lonely. She could help peel potatoes in the morning too.

The spirit of Christmas!

So many posters on this thread sound very aggressive and selfish - it’s only about what they want.
OP has provided very little, one-sided, information - I’d like to know if they had free childcare provided for them by the MiL when it suited them? If so it would seem ‘reasonable’ to indulge the lonely MiL a little for one (supposedly-special) day of the year.

SillyNavyTiger · 23/12/2025 21:39

liamharha · 23/12/2025 21:28

Has control freak written all over it .

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Control freak? can you be any more ridiculous? 😂

Thinking about it, I think I'd be even more fuming that she's waking up my kids than waking me up - she would completely ruin Christmas. Kids not having enough sleep would be tired, more grumpy than necessary , on a day which should be a holiday and everybody catching up on sleep.

My kids are even taught to respect each other, and not make noise until the last one is up, whoever needs to sleep dictate the time of everybody else.

So MIL barging in and waking up everybody at 6, when we don't even wake them up until 7 or 7:30 on a school day? I don't think so.

CatMummyOf3 · 23/12/2025 21:40

Pereniallyannoyed · 23/12/2025 19:01

I’m going to presume the 7% of those who voted YABU are MIL’s.

I'm a MIL and voted yanbu; I wouldn't dream of pitching up that early, nor would I want to!
I'm more than happy to look at photos/videos if any are taken, but imo anything before 10 a.m. is just bloody rude (unless that's the invitation).
I'll be arriving at the time I've been invited 😀

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 23/12/2025 21:40

IndolentCat · 23/12/2025 20:48

You’ve got to be kidding. “The sheer cosiness of seeing his kids and his mother together at stocking-time” wtf. That is the craziest take I’ve seen on any post on Mumsnet.

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The craziest take you've ever seen on MN is that it might be really enjoyable for someone to watch their kids and their mum together as stockings are opened? REALLY??

Busybeemumm · 23/12/2025 21:41

You have a DH problem. He needs to spell it out that 6am is Not ok. Infact even 9am is too early. That's bonkers. I get that she is wants to see the kids open their presents but she can see them opening the ones she gave. You need some alone family time with the kids and DH without MIL encroaching into that space.

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 23/12/2025 21:42

I get it about annoying MILs, I do. Mine used to drive me crazy. As did my own parents.

It's now a few decades later and everyone is dead. Now I realise that they just wanted to be with us and I wish I hadn't hated it all so much. It really wasn't as big a deal as it seemed.

SillyNavyTiger · 23/12/2025 21:43

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 23/12/2025 21:40

The craziest take you've ever seen on MN is that it might be really enjoyable for someone to watch their kids and their mum together as stockings are opened? REALLY??

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It's a bit of a worry if a grown-up man needs his mummy around when his own kids open their stockings. Time to cut the ombilical cord maybe? 😂

That would put me right off that man , yuk.

liamharha · 23/12/2025 21:44

SillyNavyTiger · 23/12/2025 20:38

I know biology

I also know how to keep in-laws well out of the way thank you😂
And they're absolutely not my family, and they have nothing to do with MY children unless I allow them because I am not related to them.

It's a good thing many women are waking up and not putting up with MIL from hell anymore. We owe them NOTHING, nothing at all.

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Can't imagine your in laws are banging the door down to see you anyway .
Hopefully your partner you have one will see the light and run for the hills as fast they can ,cos you sound fucking horrible .

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 23/12/2025 21:44

SillyNavyTiger · 23/12/2025 21:39

Control freak? can you be any more ridiculous? 😂

Thinking about it, I think I'd be even more fuming that she's waking up my kids than waking me up - she would completely ruin Christmas. Kids not having enough sleep would be tired, more grumpy than necessary , on a day which should be a holiday and everybody catching up on sleep.

My kids are even taught to respect each other, and not make noise until the last one is up, whoever needs to sleep dictate the time of everybody else.

So MIL barging in and waking up everybody at 6, when we don't even wake them up until 7 or 7:30 on a school day? I don't think so.

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You did say "MY children" like they're nothing to do with their dad, and in denial of the fact that your in-laws are their grandparents. It did sound rather control-freakish.

KnickerlessParsons · 23/12/2025 21:46

Give her a key if she doesn’t already have one then she can let herself in and bring everyone a cup of tea in bed, and maybe do last nights washing up for you too.

TheBlueHedgehog · 23/12/2025 21:46

AgnesMcDoo · 23/12/2025 21:37

That was not my suggestion 🤣🤷‍♀️

Edited
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I don’t follow, sorry.

You said it wasn’t difficult to see why an overnight stay would solve the 6am problem but where in the OP does it say anyone would actually be awake at that time?

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 23/12/2025 21:46

SillyNavyTiger · 23/12/2025 21:43

It's a bit of a worry if a grown-up man needs his mummy around when his own kids open their stockings. Time to cut the ombilical cord maybe? 😂

That would put me right off that man , yuk.

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Obviously he doesn't "need" that. He would like to have it and make those memories. I really don't think he's crazy to like the idea of him and his children's grandma and everyone all being together when the kids open their stockings!

NewforChristmas · 23/12/2025 21:46

The whole point of stockings are so that if your children wake up at the crack of dawn they can open them and play with whatever is inside/eat chocolate coins etc... while the parents snooze, get their bearings, go to the loo, make coffee etc.. and then the tree presents happen an hour or so later. Another adult turning up at 6am and knocking on the door (when it's possible the children might even still be sleeping) really doesn't make sense. And would make me feel stressed going to bed knowing that was going to happen.

At the absolute very least mil would have to wait for a text saying that we were awake.

RobinCymru8282 · 23/12/2025 21:48

LemonLeaves · 23/12/2025 19:00

YANBU. Suspect your H is being a wet lettuce because he doesn't want to stand up to his mother. I'd be asking him why he feels it's better to upset you, and why he thinks it's better that you all tiptoe round his Mum, who is being really unreasonable. It's pretty bloody rude to pitch up on the doorstep at stupid o'clock. I'd give him a choice - she comes at 9am or she can stay at home full stop.

Loving 'wet lettuce' 😆 xx

RobinCymru8282 · 23/12/2025 21:49

Loving 'wet lettuce' 😆 xx

liamharha · 23/12/2025 21:50

SillyNavyTiger · 23/12/2025 21:39

Control freak? can you be any more ridiculous? 😂

Thinking about it, I think I'd be even more fuming that she's waking up my kids than waking me up - she would completely ruin Christmas. Kids not having enough sleep would be tired, more grumpy than necessary , on a day which should be a holiday and everybody catching up on sleep.

My kids are even taught to respect each other, and not make noise until the last one is up, whoever needs to sleep dictate the time of everybody else.

So MIL barging in and waking up everybody at 6, when we don't even wake them up until 7 or 7:30 on a school day? I don't think so.

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Doubt anyone would be brave enough to get you out your coffin .
Your just being deliberately nasty and obviously have deep rooted issues with your in laws that your projecting this thread .
Nowhere has op described MIL ana MIl from hell ,,In fact she's said she mostly helpful ,so why don't you bore off and start your own thread with whatever your problem is 👋

fatphalange · 23/12/2025 21:51

Lie and tell her the kids are that bit older now and will no longer get you up to open the presents at 6am so you’ll all be in bed still.

sittingonabeach · 23/12/2025 21:51

DS was always the last one awake in our house. MIL would have had a long wait if she had arrived at our house!

Stravaig · 23/12/2025 21:51

Say hell no; she'd had her wee ones, these are yours to enjoy all those special moments with; however she is invited, at a time of your choosing, in the afternoon, for a specified duration only; then treble lock all the doors (and windows), and underline for her that if she disrespects this and shows up anyway she will not see her grandchildren for the entire year.

However you also have a DH problem: you and he need to agree how and with whom you'd like to spend Xmas, then he needs to stand up to his mother. Long-term, it sounds like you'll be needing to move an inconvenient travel distance away from her.

NewGoldDream2026 · 23/12/2025 21:51

Spartak · 23/12/2025 19:17

She's presumably loved by her son though.

It's just a bit rubbish being alone for Christmas morning. I suppose it all depends on perspective though. I have very fond memories of my lovely Grandpa staying over on Christmas Eve after my Nan had died. We also used to visit my Dad's stepmum on Christmas Day when she was alone - she was invited but didn't like to leave her dog. They were all part of our "unit".

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Sounds like the son/ husband’s feelings probably don’t come into the equation with this unit commander…and possibly not the kids’ feelings either.
Nice to read about the good childhood memories re your grandparents - mine are gone now and I’d have liked to have a memory of them seeing us open our Christmas gifts, but they lived too far away and we didn’t have room for anybody to stay over.