Bed dilemma

[firstofallimadelight]

So in September dd mentioned that her and her bf are stopping at ours Xmas eve, lovely. She made a point of saying she wanted to be in ‘her’ bedroom. (Her childhood bedroom but she moved out 2 years ago so now the spare bedroom too) Every Christmas my cousin stays with us (she lost her parents young we are her only family) she usually comes for 1-2 weeks. Sometimes she stops with friends a night or 2 but most of the time she is with us. When she stays she stops in the spare bedroom (DDs old room) dd reminded me she wants to stop Xmas Eve in ‘her’ room so I have had to mention this to cousin. Cousin has been very nice about it , I’ve suggested she share with younger dd for the night (in a double bed) or could do a airbed downstairs. But I feel bad as her stuffs in that room.
Should I have told dd no ? Or is it ok to expect cousin to move as she’s one person so a little easier that dd and bf sleeping somewhere else in the house.

I think it’s fine for the cousin to move for one or two nights as can’t expect DD and Bf to share with little sister.

Absolutely, the weirdness of expecting your youngest to share a room with her sister and sisters bf to not upset an adult woman is bonkers!

Younger dd is 20 and I don’t think she will want to give her bed up (but would share it) the youngest dd (that still believes) has a single bed but is autistic and would not cope with a room change or sharing.

Give up your bed then all guests are happy.

I would! But dh has a health condition and needs the bed (neither dd or cousin would want to share with him)

where has cousin slept all the years dd lived at home?

It's one night and your cousin is fine about sleeping elsewhere. Xx

So why did you let her pitch up there when you knew since September that your DD wanted her old room to stay in? 🤔🤔

I mentioned it in September over phone but she had forgotten and I didn’t think to mention it again. That was my fault

I’ve not had a ‘my room’ at my parents house since I left for Uni over 2 decades ago. I have felt like a guest ever since when I go as I’m having to be made space for. My DH, on the other hand, still has ‘his room’ at his parents house and we both feel more at home there, even though his room is the guest bedroom when we’re not there.

I expect the cousin’s quite used to being deprioritised & shifted around in favour of couples.

I put up with sofas & floors for years & now don’t stay with anyone unless I know I’m getting my own room.

and can imagine ops dd feels the same!

It would explain why she started looking at AirBnBs!

Don’t be so pedantic! Stops is a well known term for staying somewhere overnight 🙄

No I read it as the cousin started looking at Air BnBs

Am I the only one stuck on DD just ‘announcing’ that she’s staying at Christmas, rather than having asked? Perhaps it’s the fact that I moved out at 16 that makes me think differently than most but that would piss me off. I’d expect to be asked as I have always been required to, just out of manners if nothing else.
Regardless, I think it’s mean to move the cousin. I’d expect DD & her BF to either sleep on an airbed in the lounge or go to an air bnb just on this occasion as the room is taken. It shouldn’t be about hierarchy, it should be about common decency. The cousin was given permission to stay in the room, what else needs to be said?

Yes, me too - I meant that I’ve stayed in a nearby hotel in the past rather than being relegated to sofa / floor.

Are you on the right thread? Nowhere does it say the dd ‘announced’ her stay. She said to her mum back in September about her and bf coming. Really can’t see why if cousins come since dawn of time and when kids where all at home, she doesn’t just stay where she used to!

You are being generous to your cousin already by hosting her for 1-2 weeks every Christmas, so asking her to sleep elsewhere for a night or two is not a big ask. She should accept it graciously like a good guest and then everyone will be happy.

I don’t think you should feel bad at all, OP. It makes sense. Hope you have a lovely Christmas with your family.

I thought it was the dd's cousin, but I see it is the OP's - so not a young person probably. Coming for a week or two at Christmas is quite a big ask for any family!

DD gets her room. I can’t imagine having my kids come home and saying they can’t have their bedroom

Wondering what happened as it's now Christmas day (Merry Christmas everybody!)

I also think/hope that daughter was able to stay in her own room. It makes more sense for a couple to have a room to themselves even if it's a faff moving stuff and changing bedding. Cousin has shared on other visits so it shouldn't seem a hardship for one night and it sounds like you are generous with hospitality having her to stay for 1-2 weeks every Christmas. The least she can do is show a bit of goodwill in return.

Most of all it will make daughter feel that there is still a place for her in the family. When I left home my parents gutted my room and turned it into a study with built in desks and shelves so there was no room even for a fold out bed. Meanwhile my sister's room stayed like a shrine, even after she left home. I really felt like I had been erased!

I understand dd wants her room, but what a pita to shift cousin, change the bed etc. I think cousin was extremely dramatic wanting to book an Airbnb given op is doing a really lovely thing having her stop for up to 2 weeks!

She went to air bnb and came back for pressies this morning!