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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Men going to thailand

129 replies

Dontbenasty · 22/12/2025 20:33

A recently retired man I know, with a sibling, elderly mother and his own children has started to go to Thailand regularly to see friends and now has a “relationship” with a “bar girl” who he now wants to introduce to his family. His original meeting with this woman was transactional. His family want nothing to do with the woman and have warned him he is being groomed. He has now defaulted on Xmas plans as family members have kept their boundaries and fortunately the visa hasn’t gone through for the much younger woman . Xmas was due to be at his house as it was his turn leaving his sibling ti host and be responsible for the elderly mother whilst he continues long periods in Thailand. Using google to translate he keeps the relationship alive whilst he is in England. He says he is in love. Jibes have already been made at his expense in social gatherings. The sibling is standing firm and doesn’t have the energy to communicate or warn him any more of the consequences.
she moved to be nearer him and he’s now suggesting he will spend 6+ months abroad. Their mother is so sad this is breaking the family up. The mother has also twigged this isn’t a “normal” relationship. The kids just want to keep their relationship with their father so the sibling is missing out on family gatherings as she thinks this will condone his behaviour. Advice for the sibling please

OP posts:
PollyBell · 22/12/2025 20:36

Advice for sibling? Tell them to focus on their own life and if they cant then get help for whatever issues they have gong on, this is nothing to do with them

user593 · 22/12/2025 20:42

Nothing to do with the sibling. Let it run its course and mind your own.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 22/12/2025 20:45

Advice for the sibling? Mind your own business and be let your brother grab whatever happiness he can find.

Artificialhens · 22/12/2025 20:47

Is it a ladyboy of Bangkok?

ColinOfficeTrolley · 22/12/2025 20:48

The fact he is exploiting a woman who needs money is sickening. If this was my sibling, it would knock me sick.

Frogbear · 22/12/2025 20:48

Is he vulnerable? If not, how is he being groomed?

CherrieTomaties · 22/12/2025 20:48

Nothing to do with you. Or the man’s sibling.

My (British) next door neighbour in his 60’s, met a Cambodian woman whilst he was on holiday in Thailand. They’re now married and she lives here with him next door. She’s a lovely woman and they make a nice couple.

PlumPlumety · 22/12/2025 21:00

He is not being groomed. He is part of an extremely distasteful sex trade, which wouldn’t survive if there weren’t dirty old men like him, who know they would NEVER be able to pull someone as young/beautiful as this woman or man (as someone said, who knows which?) if they didn’t appear to be rich, simply by virtue of being born in the western world.

Yup I can imagine his elderly mother knows exactly what kind of relationship it is and is mortified.

Groomed FFS. 🙄 As if he didn’t go to Thailand for the sole purpose of having lots of cheap sex.
It Certainly is sickening.

MyAmusedPearlSquid · 22/12/2025 21:02

Cheap sex is what he's after

Catza · 22/12/2025 21:17

How is he being groomed exactly? Utterly ridiculous to make a victim of a man who is free to travel the world for cheap sex. You know who isn't free? The poor "bar girl" in Thailand who probably wouldn't choose to have a "relationship" with a retired man three times her age had she had any other options. Groomed my arse!

ChocHotolate · 22/12/2025 21:24

Honestly….all these foreign men travelling to a foreign country to abuse vulnerable women.
Sounds just like what reform talk about but choose to ignore white British men travelling to Thailand to exploit women there

Jimpson · 22/12/2025 21:27

Cannot believe they have said that this grown man is being groomed! He is a sex tourist basically.

WanderlustMom · 22/12/2025 21:28

I can’t fathom that they think the man who thinks money = consent is the victim here Hmm hope she ‘grooms’ him of every last penny.

Laiste · 22/12/2025 21:36

I don't understand what 'consequences' he needs warning about? He's gone over there to pick up a 'Thai bride' and succeeded.

If you mean warn him that if he marries she'll inherit on his death and go on to enjoy the next 30 years of her life using his cash - well i'd say she's earned every damn penny !

FuzzyWolf · 22/12/2025 21:38

He’s paying for a woman’s company and for sex which is very different to being groomed.

The sibling needs to stay out of this and is probably disgusted enough to not want to continue contact anyway.

Blueskiesnotgrey · 22/12/2025 21:39

Sad fucker like all those inadequate men that pick up Thai brides, but his business and, sad as it is, the Thai women are in it for something too - at least the ones I have known. As long as no one is being coerced he's a (pathetic) adult and they ahve to leave him to it.

Numberblocky · 22/12/2025 21:42

I also think you and the siblings need to mind your own business really.

I wouldn't have any concerns about some creepy old fucker who is exploiting a potentially vulnerable person in Thailand, being "groomed"... I'd be more concerned about her tbh, but since she is on another continent and someone the sibling has never met, I don't suppose he's worried about her at all. I wouldn't want to spend to much time with the man who has to travel thousands of miles in order to be able to buy sex from someone. He sounds like scum really. If my brother did this, I'd avoid him completely.

BillieWiper · 22/12/2025 21:42

It may be transactional and not 'traditional' but it's fully consensual and they're both adults who are currently presumably happy. So it's not really right for his family to try and cause such a rift over it.

If it ends in tears then he'll just have to get over it, same as any other relationship. But at least it was fun while it lasted.

IngridBurger · 22/12/2025 21:46

ColinOfficeTrolley · 22/12/2025 20:48

The fact he is exploiting a woman who needs money is sickening. If this was my sibling, it would knock me sick.

But he's the one being groomed apparently! FFS

Numberblocky · 22/12/2025 21:47

Numberblocky · 22/12/2025 21:42

I also think you and the siblings need to mind your own business really.

I wouldn't have any concerns about some creepy old fucker who is exploiting a potentially vulnerable person in Thailand, being "groomed"... I'd be more concerned about her tbh, but since she is on another continent and someone the sibling has never met, I don't suppose he's worried about her at all. I wouldn't want to spend to much time with the man who has to travel thousands of miles in order to be able to buy sex from someone. He sounds like scum really. If my brother did this, I'd avoid him completely.

*too

cantbearsed27 · 22/12/2025 21:49

Disgusting old man, leave him to it.

zipadeedodah · 22/12/2025 21:53

She will fleece him for every penny he's got and when she's had it all her brother in law will take him out to the forest or on a boat trip and kill him.

Fends · 22/12/2025 21:56

Groomed 🤣 erm no. And as his sister, you have nothing to do with where he spends his time. Be sickened by his behaviour by all means, and thankful he’s fucking off for half the year

grindergirl · 22/12/2025 22:03

The odd hippy-dippy male with a carpet bag might go to Thailand to stomp temples, but the rest go for sex tourism. This man is certainly not being groomed. Those who 'fall in love' with bar girls really do often end up getting fleeced. They get persuaded to buy motorbikes for the brothers, ,endless stuff for the matriarch, a business for the 'girlfriend'. The sibling can't do anything, and it's not worth spending the time or energy on trying to

Dollymylove · 22/12/2025 22:07

Its nobody else's business. He can do whatever he wants with his money . If his Thai bride absconds with the contents of his bank account thats his problem 😆

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