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Original poster

Men going to thailand

129 replies

Dontbenasty · 22/12/2025 20:33

A recently retired man I know, with a sibling, elderly mother and his own children has started to go to Thailand regularly to see friends and now has a “relationship” with a “bar girl” who he now wants to introduce to his family. His original meeting with this woman was transactional. His family want nothing to do with the woman and have warned him he is being groomed. He has now defaulted on Xmas plans as family members have kept their boundaries and fortunately the visa hasn’t gone through for the much younger woman . Xmas was due to be at his house as it was his turn leaving his sibling ti host and be responsible for the elderly mother whilst he continues long periods in Thailand. Using google to translate he keeps the relationship alive whilst he is in England. He says he is in love. Jibes have already been made at his expense in social gatherings. The sibling is standing firm and doesn’t have the energy to communicate or warn him any more of the consequences.
she moved to be nearer him and he’s now suggesting he will spend 6+ months abroad. Their mother is so sad this is breaking the family up. The mother has also twigged this isn’t a “normal” relationship. The kids just want to keep their relationship with their father so the sibling is missing out on family gatherings as she thinks this will condone his behaviour. Advice for the sibling please

OP posts:
Cando6 · 22/12/2025 22:17

A member of our family got divorced and immediately found a new woman on a website for Russian brides. He was mid 60s and she was 24!

Long story short they married and had a child and she got her visa. They seemed happy. She did amazingly well at work and is now a very high earner. He died when she was 30 and child was very small.
I’d say they both got what they wanted. Both much happier than they could have been. It was terrible for his children though as everything was left to new wife and new child.

It’s just the way men are. He will be very happy and won’t be dissuaded from his choice. Best you can hope for is that he still looks after his children.

clearscorr · 22/12/2025 22:20

He ain’t groomed, he is just naive. I work for financial services company that do money transfers, I spoke to many man on the phone who choose to send their money there…. Just naive, that’s it.

Blueskiesnotgrey · 22/12/2025 22:32

And seedy/low morales.

MoonWoman69 · 22/12/2025 22:43

We know someone who goes to Thailand a few times a year for sex with whomever is willing. I find it absolutely revolting, but he isn't being groomed, he's willingly paying for sex with "people" (I use the term loosely, as I suspect it's anybody he can get) who haven't got two pennies to rub together and haveno option. It's so gross to me, but it's their issue, nobody elses. Leave him to it, it sounds like he won't be swayed.

WilfredsPies · 22/12/2025 22:48

Advice for the sibling is to accept that your brother is a disgusting piece of work and leave him to it. He’s clearly not willing to consider that a gorgeous young girl in her (hopefully) twenties is not going to be with an old person she has to use Google Translate to communicate with, because of his sparkling personality and the twinkle in his eye, and there is zero you can say that will make him understand this because then he’d have to acknowledge what he was doing and that he’s just a walking cliche. And he doesn’t want to.

Your mum and his children need to make their own decisions and if they’re excluding you, rather than him, then it’s very sad, but you can’t do anything about it. Distance yourself from him and let him make his own decisions but maintain that boundary so you don’t get dragged in if it all goes horribly wrong.

JHound · 22/12/2025 22:49

No fool like an old fool. I honestly have no problem with poor women in developing using men like this. They are gross. Disgusting.

JHound · 22/12/2025 22:55

Cando6 · 22/12/2025 22:17

A member of our family got divorced and immediately found a new woman on a website for Russian brides. He was mid 60s and she was 24!

Long story short they married and had a child and she got her visa. They seemed happy. She did amazingly well at work and is now a very high earner. He died when she was 30 and child was very small.
I’d say they both got what they wanted. Both much happier than they could have been. It was terrible for his children though as everything was left to new wife and new child.

It’s just the way men are. He will be very happy and won’t be dissuaded from his choice. Best you can hope for is that he still looks after his children.

This is it. It’s a transaction but both parties realise that so. Shrugs

AngelofIslington · 22/12/2025 22:59

He’s absolutely not being groomed, he’s a disgusting old man paying for sex.
It really is nothing to do with the sibling, they should be glad they are well rid

SheepShankers · 22/12/2025 23:07

I had a family member who worked out in Bangkok. Used to wang on about the the nasty, manipulative bar girls diddly the poor, vulnerable menfolk out of their hard earned cash.

That all changed when he met a bar girl of his own. Have been no-contact for nearly 2 decades and don’t miss the drama at all.

wineosaurusrex · 22/12/2025 23:11

Leave the poor man alone! He's got a foreign girlfriend, he isnt committing a crime.

You do know that not all Thai women are some kind of scam artists and that they are perfectly capable of falling in love just like everyone else is? Are you guys always so racist and judgemental?

TheCooperettesShingaLing · 23/12/2025 00:05

ChocHotolate · 22/12/2025 21:24

Honestly….all these foreign men travelling to a foreign country to abuse vulnerable women.
Sounds just like what reform talk about but choose to ignore white British men travelling to Thailand to exploit women there

And children.🤮

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/12/2025 00:08

BillieWiper · 22/12/2025 21:42

It may be transactional and not 'traditional' but it's fully consensual and they're both adults who are currently presumably happy. So it's not really right for his family to try and cause such a rift over it.

If it ends in tears then he'll just have to get over it, same as any other relationship. But at least it was fun while it lasted.

You seriously think she’s happy? 😳
Desperate is probably more accurate.

TheCooperettesShingaLing · 23/12/2025 00:19

Aye because those bar girls just love their job.🤯

JHound · 23/12/2025 00:27

wineosaurusrex · 22/12/2025 23:11

Leave the poor man alone! He's got a foreign girlfriend, he isnt committing a crime.

You do know that not all Thai women are some kind of scam artists and that they are perfectly capable of falling in love just like everyone else is? Are you guys always so racist and judgemental?

I have a bridge in London to sell you…

JHound · 23/12/2025 00:28

TheCooperettesShingaLing · 23/12/2025 00:19

Aye because those bar girls just love their job.🤯

Just like strippers really do have feelings for their patrons… 😆

Blueskiesnotgrey · 23/12/2025 00:46

I know a man like this. Eventually bought the Thai girl over. He is 58 and an alcoholic. She is 28. Yes, yes apparently it's all fine, she loves him, he met her on an app, not a bar. It was real love. She wasnt desperate or a proatitute. He only sends her family money to be nice, they don't really need it.

Except I have been for nights out with them, multiple times (he is an old friend of DP unfortunately). She's all smiles and haha isn't he so funny when he's falling down deunk. But I've watched her when she's unaware, in toilet queues etc. She looks a solutely haunted and barely hide the disgust when she's propping him up going to get a taxi. And she's no older than 19/20.

Christmas2025 · 23/12/2025 01:12

His original meeting with this woman was transactional.

Ok, so she's a prostitute and has decided she'd rather have sex with one man a few times a week max than with several per night every night. And would quite like a visa to the UK too. Fair enough. He's obviously aware of his partner's past and fine with it. You've all warned him that she may not be in love with him and may leave him after marriage/visa accomplished. So that's that then, nothing more you can do, he's a grown man and can do whatever he likes with his life. If he has assets and is willing to risk getting fleeced by a sex worker by getting married that's up to him, it's got nothing to do with you.

I wouldn't even feel sorry for him, he's on the sleazy end of the sex trade. No little girl anywhere grows up thinking when I'm adult (if she's lucky to be able to put it off that long), I want get paid to have sex with strangers. It's nobody's first choice of job, but something people end up doing when they have no other options. Or when they're so desensitised to it by years of abuse that they just carry on as they always have done, except getting paid. So any man engaging in hiring prostitutes is, by default, taking advantage of someone. "Being groomed" FFS! Pure bullshit.

Misanthropologie · 23/12/2025 03:17

The sibling needs to accept that she is not in charge of how her brother spends his retirement. If he wants to spend time abroad, or invest his money and energy in a new relationship, it's his call.

Missey85 · 23/12/2025 03:30

I feel more sorry for the girl 🙁 his just a sex pervert there's only one reason single men travel to Thailand and it's not the food

SchrodingersKoala · 23/12/2025 03:51

Well it's nothing to do with anyone is it, my advice is mind your own business. Oh and he isn't being groomed, he's a sex tourist who went out there to exploit vulnerable women, he is not a victim here, the woman on the other hand is.

AstonUniversityPotholeDepartment · 23/12/2025 03:59

wineosaurusrex · 22/12/2025 23:11

Leave the poor man alone! He's got a foreign girlfriend, he isnt committing a crime.

You do know that not all Thai women are some kind of scam artists and that they are perfectly capable of falling in love just like everyone else is? Are you guys always so racist and judgemental?

Racist towards whom, exactly? The sex-tourists, presumably?

And yes, I agree that Thai women are exactly as capable of falling in love as women from any other country. It naturally follows that they're exactly as incapable of falling in love with middle-aged lechers as British women, too.

Honestly, it's deeply insulting for you to imply that Thai women have lower standards than British women...

evelynevelyn · 23/12/2025 05:14

AstonUniversityPotholeDepartment · 23/12/2025 03:59

Racist towards whom, exactly? The sex-tourists, presumably?

And yes, I agree that Thai women are exactly as capable of falling in love as women from any other country. It naturally follows that they're exactly as incapable of falling in love with middle-aged lechers as British women, too.

Honestly, it's deeply insulting for you to imply that Thai women have lower standards than British women...

Show quote history

I’m making no claim that this woman is or isn’t in love with him, but yours is a weird comment on many levels.

Women in all cultures fall in love with people for reasons other than youth and romance the whole time. ‘Even’ British women do. They even fall in love with lecherous old men. Especially relatively rich ones who seem devoted to them.

And putting that aside, cultures do in fact differ in what they tend to value (across time and space). One can recognise that without being racist.

If anything, believing that conceding any difference can only mean believing others cultures are worse feels like the closed-minded position here.

Holdonforsummer · 23/12/2025 06:26

I think it is far more likely the woman is being exploited in this situation - or at least that they are the more vulnerable one here. Older Western men picking up women from poorer countries make me sick too.

SabrinaCarpetCleaner · 23/12/2025 07:03

I can't imagine how upsetting and embarrassing this is for his children - to know your Dad is trawling these Thai bars. Horrific.
This type of thing has been documented for decades, in all likelihood he will end up penniless/destitute. It's a sad situation for his children, but neither them nor his sibling has any option other than to leave him to his fate.

ArcticGrass · 23/12/2025 08:09

Work colleague, who travelled to Thailand a lot, did this, bought a business in Thailand and house for his ‘girlfriend’. She then split up with him and he couldn’t get any of his money back. Also his UK wife found out and kicked him out. No fool like an old fool.

there is a nit of the police who specialise in this https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/fa/fraud/personal-fraud/romance-fraud/

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