Men going to thailand

[Dontbenasty]

A recently retired man I know, with a sibling, elderly mother and his own children has started to go to Thailand regularly to see friends and now has a “relationship” with a “bar girl” who he now wants to introduce to his family. His original meeting with this woman was transactional. His family want nothing to do with the woman and have warned him he is being groomed. He has now defaulted on Xmas plans as family members have kept their boundaries and fortunately the visa hasn’t gone through for the much younger woman . Xmas was due to be at his house as it was his turn leaving his sibling ti host and be responsible for the elderly mother whilst he continues long periods in Thailand. Using google to translate he keeps the relationship alive whilst he is in England. He says he is in love. Jibes have already been made at his expense in social gatherings. The sibling is standing firm and doesn’t have the energy to communicate or warn him any more of the consequences.
she moved to be nearer him and he’s now suggesting he will spend 6+ months abroad. Their mother is so sad this is breaking the family up. The mother has also twigged this isn’t a “normal” relationship. The kids just want to keep their relationship with their father so the sibling is missing out on family gatherings as she thinks this will condone his behaviour. Advice for the sibling please

Not sure who's doing the grooming here!

The younger woman trying to improve her lot in life is also vulnerable.

So he’s a sex tourist, she’s a desperate Thai woman who has resorted to prostitution.

I would be telling the sibling that I think he’s a revolting pervert, taking advantage of a disadvantaged women. If she takes all his money, it’s the price he pays for bring a sleazeball. Ask him to explain it all to his children.

I don’t think he’s being groomed. Just another Pervy old man looking for cheap sex.

Lot of "interesting" points here

1. British women falling in love with rich men. This is basically the "all women are prostitutes" trope.
2. Cultures value different things. Do you have evidence that young attractive Thai women's attraction to old British men is a cultural thing? Come off it
3. It is possible to judge cultures and you bloody know it. I judge British culture harshly for giving men the message that it's ok to travel to poorer countries to have sex with underage women!

Your whole post reads as a bit defensive...wonder why?

He isn’t being groomed. He has chosen to go to Thailand alone for one reason only. There is a recent documentary on iplayer about Thailand, it’s worth watching.

He’s not the one being groomed. The poor woman who was being sexually exploited is.

I know of several older men who have visited the Philippines and Thailand. It’s sex tourism. It’s abusive, there’s an obvious power imbalance.
And a few have brought women back here.
the relationships haven’t lasted but I guess some do. It’s his choice, nothing you can do

A “bar girl” is a prostitute. She’s not in love with him, she’s planning to fleece him. He’s a fool who will be parted from his money and to be fair she will have put in the hours to earn it. She will move on to the next mark.

I'm surprised so many people on here aren’t aware that this is really common and think she might be genuine.

I don’t have much sympathy for the type of man who is vulnerable to this scam.

This is gross. Totally sympathise with “the sibling” OP.

But do you want to ruin your relationship with your brother?

This.

He is a dirty old creep he is not being groomed he views these women as objects that can be purchased

I would feel ashamed is this was my brother

The previous poster’s argument starts with the claim that British women are “incapable of falling in love with middle-aged lechers”.

Is that true?

It then moves from that dodgy claim to a claim that becuase of that, to think it possible this woman might love him is racist.

Is it racist?

The world is messier and more varied than you seem willing to recognise.

This

Or father 🙈

Yes, it's eye-opening, that documentary - put me off Thailand I must say.

However, marrying for money is something both men and women across the world do.

This is none of the sibling's business and sibling should try to keep out of it. Brother may, or may not, be being used but all sibling can do is advise him to be careful. Sibling should not avoid family gatherings - why make more of a situation than needs be?

I don’t know why posters are saying it’s none of the sibling’s business. They’ve basically been left with all the responsibilities of an elderly parent because their sleaze of a brother wants to exploit third world women for sex. Men like this are sickening. The lengths they’ll go, and the people they’ll abandon just to get their dick wet.

Unfortunately the sibling hasn’t got any options other than to suck it up. I’d potentially be going NC and making life as hard for Mr Sexo as he’s making for the sibling.

It’s the children I feel sorry for. An embarrassment for a father and if he marries this women, left out of any potential financial legacy because the new bride will get it all.

🤣

Yeah maybe so but it's their own business.

It’s like those older women that get into romantic relationships with young waiters and ultimately are shocked that they end up with no money after handing it over to the young men. Serves them right

It's true that women from richer countries do engage in sexual exploitation of men from poorer countries, but on a much smaller scale than men exploiting women.
Here's an article about it from mumnet fave Julie Bindel.

Yes it’s just sheer coincidence that these gross old men have far more success with much younger women in countries such as Thailand than they do in their home countries.

And equally sheer coincidence that they never manage to land the young attractive women from wealthy Thai families.

Only poor ones.

Yes - it’s all a coincidence - I am sure.

@Dontbenasty Can I suggest that you and your acquaintances watch Thailand: The Dark Side of Paradise. This man is not being groomed.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m002hysj

You’ve framed this very strangely- he is not the victim in this. And his family shouldn’t treat him as one.

They all need to acknowledge that their creepy relative exploits a woman they don’t know for cheap sex.

Is he Mr Dudwey?

Anyone suggesting he is being groomed needs to give their head a shake and take a closer look at what that really means. Using the term in this scenario is an insult to anyone that actually has been groomed.

He went looking for this and has got exactly what he wanted. His life, his money, his choice. Not someone I would have any respect for personally but if the woman is an adult, she is free to make her own decisions. I’d have a lot more sympathy for her and her situation than for him though, he’s no more the ‘victim’ in all this than Fred West was.