For fuck’s sake - I cannot take this anymore

[fedupwiththisshit2]

I live in a small house with DH and two DC. The constant stream of crap into our house completely overwhelms me. DH insists on buying absolutely rubbish toys and comics constantly for the kids that we can’t afford, along with the inevitable plastic tat (or yet another pack of small pencils, even though we have tons of pencils already). A week after they come into the house I chuck it all into the bin and the DC don’t even notice. It disgusts me that our house has basically become an intermediary stop for a load of plastic tat between shop and landfill. I’ve told DH not to do this but he doesn’t stop. I’ve had enough and am at my wits end. I want to have a few mindful toys that are good quality, not this constant stream of plastic crap. How can I force him to stop?

If you have a clear plastic tub with a lid, the pencils can be decanted into that with sharpeners/erasers/rulers - that can be a visual guide to not actually needing anymore - as it may be that as soon as something isn't right in sight, it's ceasing to exist in either the children's or their father's eyes.

Comics = reading.

You're not being very eco-conscious if you are just chucking it all in the bin. Maybe collect it on one side so your husband can see just how much he is buying.

I wish comics did equal reading. But my kids just rip off the plastic toys, give a cursory flick through the comic and that’s it.

She’s literally just answered your question!

What else am I meant to do with it? We’d have an absolute ton of this stuff if I didn’t get rid. Plus passing it on to charity shops is just making it someone else’s problem.

To add: I do pass on quality toys and clothes to charity shops. But I don’t think it’s right to inundate them with crap that nobody will want! I doubt anyone is going to walk into a charity shop and pay money for some tat that came free with a comic.

I really hope that this this is a fake thread. If your DH really won’t listen then at least donate the pencils etc to a pre-school or similar, as a job lot over a few weeks.
Lego is plastic too.

Sorry cross posted!

I agree with you. Not sure how to tackle it though neither me or DH would buy it . We have a few good toys and don’t buy much throughout the year so the kids don’t ask / expect it. I’ve even managed to avoid it for Christmas! Mine are 18 months , 3 & 8.

Just keep throwing it away / donating it - that’s what I do with my MIL’s plastic tat. As soon as they lose interest it’s donated

Exactly. Why the hell would a charity shop want this shite? And my goodness the embarrassment of passing it on to a charity shop and admitting that you think it was ever a good idea to buy such nonsense. It’s like donating Shein to a charity shop. Just don’t!!!

Why do you hope it’s a fake thread? Yes Lego is plastic too. But it’s a good quality, educational toy that the DC actually play with for years and can be passed on to younger kids (due to the aforementioned good quality).

Because you put things in the bin because you’re angry about your DH buying them.

It’s not as though they’re going to last more than 2 minutes tho is it?

I think you missed the point of the thread. I put things in the bin because they’re pointless plastic tat that is absolute junk and shouldn’t have even been made in the first place. Not because I’m angry with DH for buying them.

And therein lies the problem. You’re rigid and overbearing and you married someone with completely different values to yours.

You think different things are important. If you have completely different ideas on what’s ‘right’, you can’t expect him to meekly roll over and just agree that your views are more important than his.

You need to accept that he feels differently about this, or you need to compromise between you. You can’t expect to just overrule him completely.

It all adds up. I used to buy bits and bobs for my son and then I saw how much it actually added up to (about £300 in one year!) I stopped. Can you tot up the cost of it all? I also dont think it's good for kids to be inundated with stuff all the time. It takes the excitement out of getting little gifts.

Yes, I think adding it all up might be the wake-up call DH needs.

Tell him to find a place for it the minute he steps in the door. This has helped in my house with this issue!

Putting them in the bin doesn’t cancel out the fact that they were made. Binning them and making way for more of this stuff is worse.

I’m guessing one of the reasons he keeps buying more of it is precisely because the kids want more or want to replace things, because you keep throwing it away.

Yes, perhaps I should compromise on the fact that DH thinks buying a constant stream of rubbish from China, that is eating into our already overstretched household budget and the children play with and discard after five minutes and it then goes straight in the bin because charity shops wouldn’t want it is a good idea.

One of the things I failed at with parenting was teaching my dc to enjoy themselves. Maybe this is your dh’s way of bringing a little joy or fun into their lives. Looking forward to going to the shop, being allowed to choose what piques their interest. Enjoying that item. Whilst it doesn’t appeal to you, maybe the strange character on a purse appeals to them. Allowing people choices helps them grow in a way.

OP what is your stance on Christmas crackers? That is basically just tat that gives a moment of joy too.

I think there is a compromise. When the novelty of the comic tat wears off spirit it away to a box out of sight. When you have enough donate to school for lucky dip prizes. Use it as party bag favours . Churches might like it for boredom bags they hand out to keep kids quiet during service.

FWIW I do actually agree with you, I just don't think you can really put a moral value on this. The vast majority of people see no issue or harm in buying disposable plastic junk. Your standards are similar in this respect to being vegetarian (which in this case, I am not).

It's definitely true that eating meat causes suffering to animals, so if a family has two parents, one who is vegetarian, the other who is not, is the non-vegetarian parent wrong to feed meat to the children, because eating meat is objectively less moral? Most people don't actually feel that strongly about it, and if they did, then they wouldn't have chosen to have children with someone who enjoys eating meat to the extent they want to share that with their children.

Just because this issue is less obvious and so perhaps less likely to have been discussed before the children were conceived doesn't make it any different IMO. You don't get to impose your morals or values on somebody else just because you think they are better, obviously you can try to persuade him to see your point of view, ask him to consider your distress about it, or try to find a compromise where you don't feel it's causing as much harm to the planet or your living environment or budget. But I don't think it's right to just expect to impose your own morals, even if they are stricter.

I get that, but surely there are better ways to enjoy themselves. Going to the park for one thing!