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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about the guy who took his top off in a roomful of women?

387 replies

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 06:47

I belong to a community choir and we had our Christmas concert recently. There was a room set aside for us to put our bags and coats in. It was a small room and jam packed after the concert with people collecting their bags.

The make up of the choir is predominantly middle aged and older women with a small number of men.

After the concert finished, we all went to the room to retrieve our bags. When I walked in, one of the men was standing in the corner with his top off and he didn't seem to be in a rush to put one back on. No one else was getting changed.

AIIBU to think it was out of order for him to do that? I feel I want to report him as I'm just sick of men doing shit like this. I've had more than my fair share of poor treatment of every kind over the years and I'm absolutely sick of it. If he wanted to get changed he should have gone to the toilet. I felt very uncomfortable. I didn't feel he was any kind of threat but just WHY? No one was impressed.

AIBU to report him to the choir leader?

OP posts:
Lucia573 · 21/12/2025 08:17

I would have thought it unnecessary too. I’d have called him out on it though. ‘Hey, Tony! changed in private!’

Pedallleur · 21/12/2025 08:17

Soontobe60 · 21/12/2025 08:01

Cant you read? I said semi naked. Do you see loads of semi naked men around the place in the middle of December? Maybe you live in the southern hemisphere. But here in the UK I haven’t seen anyone like that for a good few months.

Show quote history

Have you been to Newcastle?
Perhaps the OP could say whatever that is you are wearing it needs a bloody good ironing!

Original poster
naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 08:17

@Clara27 thank you. The mocking just has no place here or anywhere on Mumsnet. And by the way, I was not traumatised or horrified or very upset. I just noticed it as it was so out of place. none of the other men had gone into that room let alone stand around with his top off'

OP posts:
DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat · 21/12/2025 08:19

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 08:17

@Clara27 thank you. The mocking just has no place here or anywhere on Mumsnet. And by the way, I was not traumatised or horrified or very upset. I just noticed it as it was so out of place. none of the other men had gone into that room let alone stand around with his top off'

81% of people think you ARE being unreasonable. Maybe take the hint 🙂

Blushingm · 21/12/2025 08:19

Would you have been the same if he took his shoes and socks off?

In the summer in some places you’ll see men with no top on walking down the street? Sometimes builders or gardeners might work topless

He may have been going out and wanted a different top

I can’t understand why you are so offended by this?

AbbaCadaBra · 21/12/2025 08:19

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 08:17

@Clara27 thank you. The mocking just has no place here or anywhere on Mumsnet. And by the way, I was not traumatised or horrified or very upset. I just noticed it as it was so out of place. none of the other men had gone into that room let alone stand around with his top off'

You haven’t answered my question: you say he was stood in the corner in a packed room. How did you get a clear view of him if the room was as packed as you say?

ThatshallotBaby · 21/12/2025 08:20

I’m with you @naturenaturenature and yes I would mention it to the choir leader. Men like that need to be made aware that the world is not their private playground and they are not deities to be worshipped. Stand your ground, you are right.

Original poster
naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 08:20

@AbbaCadaBrathe room was small and my bag and coat happened to be near him. Does that clear that up for you?

OP posts:
Clara27 · 21/12/2025 08:21

Mt563 · 21/12/2025 08:16

She thinks. Not fact. And it only seems he did based on her interpretation. Again, not fact. We've very much only got one side of the story

Show quote history

You are very quick to defend him! Are you a male who loves to prance around topless?

EatYourDamnPie · 21/12/2025 08:21

gannett · 21/12/2025 08:03

It was appropriate though. Male toplessness generally is (and is also not usually referred to as "semi-naked")

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Male toplessness is not appropriate anywhere and everywhere. Claiming shit like this is why we end up with topless men randomly on the street or in Tesco. It’s not appropriate simply because it’s different from female toplessness.

ThatshallotBaby · 21/12/2025 08:22

Blushingm · 21/12/2025 08:19

Would you have been the same if he took his shoes and socks off?

In the summer in some places you’ll see men with no top on walking down the street? Sometimes builders or gardeners might work topless

He may have been going out and wanted a different top

I can’t understand why you are so offended by this?

Context, context, context

beAsensible1 · 21/12/2025 08:22

I also hate getting changed in little public toilet cubicles. There’s never enough room or your clothes end up on the floor. If you’ve got long arms it’s hard to manoeuvre

horrid

Clara27 · 21/12/2025 08:22

Blushingm · 21/12/2025 08:19

Would you have been the same if he took his shoes and socks off?

In the summer in some places you’ll see men with no top on walking down the street? Sometimes builders or gardeners might work topless

He may have been going out and wanted a different top

I can’t understand why you are so offended by this?

Topless men and builders are not ok! Raise your standards 😂

AbbaCadaBra · 21/12/2025 08:22

Clara27 · 21/12/2025 08:21

You are very quick to defend him! Are you a male who loves to prance around topless?

Show quote history

That would mean that 80% of the voters were also male which I very much doubt.

Pinkladyapplepie · 21/12/2025 08:23

naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 06:55

But he wasn't just changing his top. He didn't take one off and put one on. He just stood their topless.

BUT can he sing? No? Kick him out , YES he has a use. MN is full of suggestions of lonely ppl want to meet others to find a prospective partner, perhaps his motive, or perhaps he is a flasher?

Mt563 · 21/12/2025 08:24

Clara27 · 21/12/2025 08:21

You are very quick to defend him! Are you a male who loves to prance around topless?

Show quote history

No. I'm a woman who doesn't think that just because a woman says something it is true and the world should bend to it. Especially when that woman has come to ask how others would react. We have told her. Our opinions are not offensive or indicators we are male, just different.

CalzoneOnLegs · 21/12/2025 08:25

Sounds like he was displaying his masculinity to the females to me

Busybeemumm · 21/12/2025 08:25

Meanwhile... a trans women in a changing room is not ok on mn. What happened to women supporting women. Ignore the haters OP.

Original poster
naturenaturenature · 21/12/2025 08:25

@DriveVerySlowlyPastNumber23IWantThemToSeeMyHat I'm fine with 81% of people thinking I'm being unreasonable. What I'm not fine with is women like you making comments like you have on this thread. You don't know me so why do you feel it necessary to be so unpleasant? Do you think I'm a person unworthy of basic respect just because you don't agree with me?

OP posts:
25flyby · 21/12/2025 08:27

Blushingm · 21/12/2025 08:19

Would you have been the same if he took his shoes and socks off?

In the summer in some places you’ll see men with no top on walking down the street? Sometimes builders or gardeners might work topless

He may have been going out and wanted a different top

I can’t understand why you are so offended by this?

Does it make it appropriate?

This guy wasn’t getting changed. It’s not summer. He was showing his chest off. Probably because he knew he could as these are middle aged women.

I am not bothered by nakedness btw.but in this situation when it’s normal for women to walk around with their chests out I’ll let it go.

Clara27 · 21/12/2025 08:27

Mt563 · 21/12/2025 08:24

No. I'm a woman who doesn't think that just because a woman says something it is true and the world should bend to it. Especially when that woman has come to ask how others would react. We have told her. Our opinions are not offensive or indicators we are male, just different.

Show quote history

Have to disagree with you there. Opinions are one thing and we’re all entitled to them but there’s quite a few offensive comments towards the op on this thread. Some very unkind posters and it’s unnecessary.

RhymesWithOrange · 21/12/2025 08:27

I understand OP. It’s about men taking up too much space, attention and lacking in any kind of emotional intelligence or empathy. Personally, I would have just said “oi, Derek, put your top back on, no one wants to see that.”

Sounds like he enjoys testing women’s boundaries, always a red flag.

gannett · 21/12/2025 08:28

EatYourDamnPie · 21/12/2025 08:21

Male toplessness is not appropriate anywhere and everywhere. Claiming shit like this is why we end up with topless men randomly on the street or in Tesco. It’s not appropriate simply because it’s different from female toplessness.

Show quote history

Topless men on the street is appropriate. I've never seen a topless man in Tesco, though I don't think I'd be bothered if it was hot weather (I've been in a Tesco in my sports bra before).

My rule of thumb is that if the topless man in question has a nice body, I'll enjoy glancing at it. If he doesn't, I avert my eyes and ignore. Really not complicated. They're not being topless AT me.

PuppyMonkey · 21/12/2025 08:28

Well, I can see most people on here think it’s absolutely hilarious but I would have found this at the very least really, really creepy. Hmm

FromageTime · 21/12/2025 08:29

I’m in the ‘you’re being ridiculous’ camp.