Concerned about how much my brother and his partner eat and worried I won't have enough

[xAwaywiththefairiesx]

My brother lives in a different part of the country to us and I don't see him much. We've never been close but I love him and have been trying to understand him better. He's awkward but does his best socially but he often rubs people up the wrong way or comes cross as selfish and feels terribly guilty when this is pointed out to him.

Him and his partner, who I've only met a couple of times, are coming to Christmas dinner at my house, there will be 14 of us in total and I'm making a big effort. Trouble is, they both eat a hell of a lot and if theres food available, they will simply eat it. I actually don't know if I can do enough to fully satisfy them to the point they'll stop, and have enough for everyone else. My oven simply isn't big enough.

Examples, at Christmas dinner at my mum's one year when DB was still single, he took my mum's serving plate and ped it with eight Yorkshires and 9 pigs in blankets, plus huge helpings of all the veg and meat. When it was pointed out in a friendly way that he had a lot there he acted as though people were just picking on him for eating too much and didn't get the point that several people were going without because he'd taken it all.

Another time he was at my house for dinner and I gave him a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs and he ate the lot plus an entire garlic bread baguette to himself, that I'd put on the table for everyone and then when my husband didn't finish his plate, he actually took my husband's plate and ate the leftovers from his plate. Then I made a sponge pudding and he ate half of it when it usually feeds the four of us with some left over, plus half a carton of custard.

At my sister's wedding, him and his partner got to the wedding buffet first and I am not exaggerating - they piled their plates with so much of the cheese, that there was hardly any left for others and the buffet was meant to feed 200 people, and they also had huge portions of everything else, then went back for second and thirds. My sister was horrified.

WWYD?

Suck it up and try and make sure there is enough?
Tell him exactly how much he can have?
Serve everyone their plates? (I don't like to do this, I like to do my roasts buffet style so people can choose what they would like)
Or something else?

Please don't roast me to hard, I do want my brother to feel welcome, I'm just worried I can't afford to feed him or will have enough space.

You’ll have to serve it up on plates I think! I would at least serve meat, stuffing, pigs in blankets,
roasties on the plates then put veg on the table but maybe discreetly pass them around to people before he gets to them.
Christmas pud can be served in bowls to people and you can pour sauce on for everyone.
Other food you will probably need to buy in extras and remember shops open again Boxing Day!

Seems plausible doesn't it 🙄😂🙇🏻‍♀️

I am pondering the socially acceptable number of pigs in blankets. Then I remembered I don’t have to be socially acceptable and will prepare 40 for the four of us on Christmas Day and hope it’s enough.

You will need to plate up as everyone else has said.

Put more vegetables and roast potatoes on the table too. And I'd sit them at the end of the table so they only have access to one plate of veg and potatoes, rather than in the middle where they could reach more than one plate of each.

perhaps also stock up on toilet roll, and harpic

I’d plate up the premium things (stuff that costs more) turkey, pigs in blankets, and then do a buffet for the rest but purposely send up people in small groups like children, elderly/disabled, but don’t send your brother last because he’ll then “finish things off” before people can get second helpings. It might also be worth keeping a couple of spare dishes back and only bring them out for second helpings in case he eats everything.

Sounds like he has unresolved trauma from your early lives as well - eating to block out anxiety, the only time he felt safe and cared for (by you because your mother wasn't doing it), remembering times when if he didn't eat lots, somebody else would have it off his plate.

I'd plate up the expensive items and give free rein with potatoes (and the first course of a big, pillowy, substantial yorkshire pudding with gravy or as a separate side dish sounds a very good idea).

I've bought 4 packs of 10 for us 4 too 🤣

He’s so greedy.

@DirtyGertiefromno30 excellent, we will both be happy greedy gobblers 🤭😆😱

Exactly, it's not just a case of taking a lot of food (I like my food too) but this is just next level - you don't just take it all leaving nothing for anyone else!
Basic manners.
As others have said, you're going to have to start plating stuff up that way everyone gets a fair share.

I think you definitely need to plate up the food yourself

I don’t read this posters question as a dig at you - more wondering why he lacks basic social skills.

as PP have said, plate up protein, yorkshires and anything limited. Make double amount of stuffing. Cheap extras like sausages maybe?. Do additional mash or boiled potatoes so you can use the hob for them, ditto carrots, other veg like peas or broc and make pints of gravy. They can over eat on that and if they don’t those things freeze.

also table plan so that he and his partner are at the end of the serving schedule- furthest away from the table food!

People have given good plans OP and probably the plating is the answer.

But honestly, I think someone should tell him he's being massively inappropriate. And probably it falls to family to do it.

I'm sorry you had to go through a childhood like that. I would worry your brother has an eating disorder, that food=love to him and wouldn't want to shame him publicly. It's probably not just greed if it's compulsive although I don't know how he doesn't notice others are going without.

I agree with plating up to save yourself the stress but do make plenty of food, there's nothing worse than 2 mean little roast potatoes each on Christmas Day because you didn't make enough. Oven space is a pain but get the turkey out and resting while you finish off the potatoes. Shove more in when you take the first lot out so you have lots.

I honestly wouldn't invite him if he was going to be a greedy pig and scoff all of the food but that is just me.

Very 🤣🤣🤣

Totally.

🙄🙄🙄

Plate it up in the kitchen. He can't take the food for everyone else. That is so rude. Fine at the end to eat any left overs and have enough food for everyone.

Serve up the expensive stuff i.e. the meat etc and have potatoes, and veg buffet style.

sounds horrendous and stressful OP...

• I would have a lot of crisps out in advance.
• lots of bread rolls on the table.
• Get people seated and you are going to have to plate it up whether you like it or not. (the meat as a minimum, but i'd have someone help you and do it all so you can overload them with carrots and potatoes)
• Plate your DB and SIL last so that everyone gets a "head start" so to speak....if they complain while serving say theirs are coming and point out the bread rolls....

Regarding your mother's house I legit dont even know how you can even fit that much food on one plate....

I'd politely tell him not to be greedy or give him a smaller plate.

I think you need to plate up then put extra veg/yorkshires on the table. Seat them next to a mountain of mashed potato which is one of the most satiating foods and let them loose.

Plate up portions. If he goes to serve himself, tell him and partner they can't load up and leave others without. Call him out if he tries to take more than his share. If he's rude enough to eat so much others go without, be direct in addressing that.

There is a limit to how much you can serve from a residential kitchen and if he thinks he will need more, he's going to have to bring some food himself. You might suggest that.

Next year, do a tasting menu only. 😂

My family always joke that my husband and I eat lots and it's true we eat more at Christmas/special occasions but I'm talking 2 Yorkshires. We are both thin and eat healthily but are hungry people. Your brother isn't hungry though, he's greedy and selfish. I don't think you should serve up because I find that a bit childish but you should make them go last!